chasing the rain and sunset (and maghrib)

Yesterday as I got off work I was like, "YOU MEAN IT'S NOT RAINING?"

I quickly drove home, despite the traffic and everything, it still wasn't raining. I wanted to run! It was already nearly dark when I got home, with the looming cloud and everything, probably 635pm. I was still ecstatic that it wasn't raining. I changed and just as I was out of the gate, started to run.

The feeling of being able to run after what it felt like ages of not running was awesome. My steps were springy, I felt blight and flighty, I was nearly humming. I ran behind a high school boy wearing the tshirt that says Mont Kiara FC. No doubt he was keeping fit. I made a bet with myself that he could only last about 6 loops max since most guys I know who are non runners can only last for 3km. So it began. We outpassed each other a few times before true enough, he got tired.

I was always conscious of how my legs feel during a run. This time I assessed how they felt. I am happy to report that the usual knee pain and ankle have all but disappeared (albeit a bit on the inside, just a tinge) and instead I still had a strong running form. The sky was getting dark, many people have left. But I was adamant to run 10 loops to make it a normal 5.5k. I am starting to love running in this usj area. It ain't hilly like ss19, but much more peaceful.

I was also chasing the rain and the sunset. I love to play this game; when you push push and push before the sun sets or the rain falls. An automatic interval. I think I ran a little bit faster than I would. I still feel strong, in fact I could have gone on longer. This could be the only time it doesn't rain! I told myself. I was really loving the run.

When I finished, the rain was dancing softly on the roads, the streetlights were on, and the muezzin was calling out the prayer. It was such a beautiful feeling, and I am grateful I got to do this.

180

I always think: if it weren't for my knees, I would be smoking everybody.

On days when I could not go on because of them, I get moments where I think, "why?" And then I realized that this is such a small thing. I think the reason behind this is that maybe God is telling me something. If I didn't have bad knees or shoulders or what not, I would be such a conceited ass. In high school I was a smug athlete. I got annoyed at slower runners. My purpose when running is dropping others behind. I knew I was good, and I think I let it go over my head.

Now my knees and shoulders keep me in check. They allow me to do sports without letting my ego gets the best of me. At anytime I started to excel and thus, smugness sinks in, they get to work. Too many times I had to pull out of runs, rides, tournaments because of my knees.

It sounded like a curse. But I chose to see it as a blessing.

This week was one good example. I did another long distance event this week, and although not the first, or the fastest lady there, I was strong. I kept a nice pace (I think all the years in cross country taught me well in pacing myself), I handled my nutrition well, and I kept it together through all the crazy hills. People commented how good and how strong I was despite poor mileage and lack of training. They mentioned it several times.

I started to get a big head.

The next day, another long distance event. I was all prepped, thinking of all the praises heaped on me when I finally finished it. The pictures they will take, showing me in action, people going, wow nadia is so strong!

My knees acted up. And I had to say no. Because although ego is a big thing, I think experience and the smartness of saying no is better. I've learned my mistakes when I ruined them because of running. Now I exercise caution.

Anyway, I think I will always be a long distance girl. I never cared about the time or speed, although to be honest I would want to have BOTH speed and endurance. But if I had to choose, I'd choose the ability to go long, and enjoy long. This was one of the sweetest long distance thing I had to endure, because it was just me, my thoughts, and wanting to finish. I always want to finish. And I always will.

To having the ability and capability to go long and enjoy long, thank you God, for this gift.

2 weeks holiday

I do this every year: take two weeks off until the next year. I always feel itching to work afterwards.

What have I been doing? Work, in and out, through emails.

Eat. I have been eating regularly and healthily for the past one month and it's been giving me some good feedbacks.

First, I cut out all junk food. If I was so inclined, I'd have one or two but that's about it. I replace sugary water with plain water or chocolate milk if I really needed the taste. I stuff in more fruits and vegetables. I try to eat wholemeal grains; but if I were back at mom's house it's hard to say no to their white rice (my sister and I tried unsuccessfully to convert them to brown rice). I keep smaller portions of rice, bigger portions of vegetables and medium portions of meat.

My only sugary treats are good dark chocolates. Thank god I'm not much of a sweet tooth.

After the fall, I was pretty much resting at home. My shoulder is still strained, and my hipbones do not sit well. I do forms of karate drills religiously at home, trying to keep the restlessness at bay.

My fabulous form is again, back to zero. I have not been training for 8 days. But I'm not sweating it. There's always time for improvement.

I have been working on my own place - fixing the kitchen, bedroom and storage area. I find that setting a regular timetable for all your cleaning and maintenance keeps your house tidy and in good form. I divide the tasks into daily, weekly and monthly. I believe in weekly toilet cleaning, vacuuming, complete laundry (bedsheets, towels, etc) and menu planning. I also think that aromatherapy oils work the best, even though scented candles do function in closed small spaces.

Cleaning the whole space works the whole body.

Last night, after a good time with friends who've been around for years, I went to bed with a tinge of something I can't quite place. I want to go running. Two years ago, I would always end my good time with a nice run the next morning. It's always a nice feeling to have, the morning air so crisp, and me going about last night's event. There's always something so romantic about it that I can't never let go of. Last night though, I only massaged my grandma knees, thank God I am healthy, and went back to bed, with my alarm off.

I might never be able to run as free as I did before. But there are other things to be grateful about.

great athletic weekend

Over a whole year of training I have never worked out what makes me perform or fail to.

you would think i would have figured out what would be good for me during a long distance workout, what i should do more off, and what i should do less of. the thing is, i would never know. there'll be days when i give such good performance only to do completely the opposite the next week at the same route.

what i do know though, is that i cannot have breakfast for any LSD. I've tried that one and everytime i ate breakfast my performance sucked. the only thing i could swallow would be cereal... but i rather not eat at all. i seem to push myself better without any food.

also, what i could do more of is enough sleep.i think that one is a no brainer.

saturday, i went to what i thought was going to be another poor performance since last week i was completely a vegetable completing the route. but instead it was the opposite. i was fast - i felt fast. i felt good, i pushed myself, i caught up, i was HUMMING.

so what have that workout taught me? that my performance relies completely in my state of mind. no amount of breakfast, sleep or anything else could contribute to this. if i feel good or i want to feel good, then i would have a good workout. if i felt shitty and thought i sucked, then i would give an equally sucky performance.

ego is my powerbar.

my knees hurt, but i am tired of caring. i thought of all the seasoned footballers in my boyfriend's team, all of them have bad knees and everything else and yet they did not give a damn.

speaking of football, after my workout rushed to see my boyfriend's league and it was an explosive show. his team finally put down one of their deadliest rival in an amazing 8-2 score and I was caught up with the excitement of it all. my boyfriend have an amazing endurance, playing 3 90minutes game in a large field (thankfully not back to back!) And to think my 4 hour morning cardio was taxing! Football will always be one of the toughest endurance game in my opinion, since my high school cross country training followed the football training regime and we were wiped out from the circuits. We finally ended our night with a hearty meal of chicken, fish and porridge and went to sleep for sundays morning cardio (me) and a football game (him).

sunday as usual was a good workout. im a BIG GIRL playing with the big boyssss!!! (too lazy to explain)

Retiring with a PB

Yes I got my Personal Best, thank you Penang Bridge.

I would never ever run the same long distance route twice (21km and above) but Penang bridge is something else. The route is never boring, never mentally challenging, and always feels SHORT. To me, that is the best kind of race ever. Of course, I've only done it twice but both times I finished it happy and elated.

7pm: Met my friends who went back to penang for a wedding. They took us out for cheese naan and butter chicken and nasi beriyani kambing. Tasty.

The only picture in this post and it's not even on running.

10pm: Went to sleep after carefully arranging my running outfit. Realized I forgot to bring my running pouch or whatever you call it where you can stuff your cellphone and counterpain. Damn it, I think, back to stuffing my sports bra again. I have decided to run in my vibrams. Forgot to bring my Vaseline to smear my feet with. I guess I'll have to bear the pain of blisters all over again like that Sundown nightmare. Well, at least it's for half the distance, I consoled myself.

When I woke up,it was already 236am. I rushed, forgetting to eat any breakfast at all. In the car managed to swallow half a banana and a swig of coffee. Left my car somewhere in front of Gold Coast Resort. It was 3.06, and the half marathon male were already running.

I realized I left my bottled water in the car. At the starting line I grabbed one of the bottles lying by the roadside. Thank God I'm not squeamish.

When we were flagged off, I quickly look for someone to pace on. My plan was to start fast so that even when I get tired I won't be too far behind (what a stupid strategy... but hey whatever works). I saw these 2 girls in the 'right' running gear - the Zensah calf thingies, beeping monitors, even the Running for Orang Asli sign. I am sure they are in the 'in' running crowd, therefore, would run a good proper race. I latched on.

They kept a quick and steady pace. Discussing about this and that, mostly about running and running events. One of them were faster than the other and she quickly left us. I was glad to follow the slower friend. In my heart I hoped she won't go any faster.... it's only the first km!

When we reached the bridge my spirits soared. It's near the end! Only a u-turn and back again. Already the blisters were forming and my Plantar fasciitis (sukahati la spelling macamana pon) started to rear. I dropped the Orang Asli friend (the only way to describe her) when we went up the bridge. I have to go faster here as I plan to walk all the way down. My knees, what else?

All the way running up there was this black lady - a foreigner - who grunts. She grunted so loud that the runners near us (I was running just beside her) would turn to look. I wondered why - to say that the incline was so bad it was just a fart of a hill. She didn't look too exhausted. Yet she grunted, until I started to feel embarrassed. It sounded like full fledge porn movie and I was the co-star... I mean I was standing next to her. I quickly dropped her. Nope, did not even grunt.

Walked all the way down, looking at all the other runners I passed charging past. I wistfully wished that my knees weren't such grandmas. Oh well, you do what you can, right? One lady ran smoothly down. Your knees, you idiot! I felt like shouting to her.

I was just jealous.

The rain started. First it danced softly on us, then it showered. And then it roared, pouring. Pelting. After the u-turn, everybody ran looking down at their feet, like shuffling zombies. But everybody was running at this point! I think somewhere between last year and this year more Malaysians have been running... nobody seemed to walk. Damnit.

I was secretly happy it was raining so hard because I won't be the only one suffering with blisters so great. I secretly laughed at those wearing shoes with socks... my condolence.

Everybody was soaked, whoever wanted to mandi wajib, would have gotten so. Not a single thing was spared. To my horror I realized that I was wearing white... and you can see my blue sportsbra as clear as day. I might as well be running without my t-shirt on! I only hoped you cannot see the outline of my underwear as well. They're all running looking down anyways right?

Right.

Going up the second incline, I ran beside an uncle who... grunted all the way up. What wrong with me? I thought. Why do I always get stuck with groaning uphill runners?

The buns were soaked. But I was hungry, plus, I needed something to down my actifast. Yes, I cheated. I took a painkiller to blur the blister pains away. My apologies.

The bun was very soggy, cold and tasted like wet paper. I swallowed them without thinking.

At the end of the second downhill a guy spoke to me. He was doing the full marathon, and asking me questions, trying to make a conversation. I didn't get the point; granted this is a social event but it's 5 am in the morning and I feel bad slowing you down. When he left me I hoped the reason he talked to me at all is NOT because of my transparent blue sports bra.

The U-turn back! yay, so near to the end. I started to feel cramps coming up in my leg. Of course, since the only thing I took was water, and bread. Couldn't find any shop in Penang that carries ORS. So I ran it drinking water and 100 plus, hoping 100plus is enough to keep cramps at bay.

600m to the finishing line, I saw this lady runner who looked like the younger version of Kak June. Short hairt, gorgeous body, the works. She kept a steady pace, and I still had it in me. Suddenly I felt like I wanted to show her what finishing in style means. I surged ahead, cutting her, speeding up. Huh, baru kau tau pentingnyer speedwork! I thought smugly.

Then the cramps hit. BAD. At my calves. I stopped abruptly and hobbled jerkily. The lady runner ran past me without even a glance. I was left eating my medicine and it is bitter! I bet she was mentally laughing her ass off.

I hobbled to the finishing line.

Result: 2 hours 35 minutes... a full 30 minutes off my average half-marathon timing. YAYYY terrenyer akuuuu.

Why I think it happened:

1) acupuncture?

2) painkiller? It helped to keep my knee pain in control.

3) good pacers - the orang asli and various other lady runners I wished I could beat.

4) butter cheese naan

5) i just enjoyed this race.

6) good fitness base? eventhough without any lari at all since september.

Anyway like the title said this will be my last half marathon race. I have decided to gantung kasut and only run in events with my dad instead. We'll see how it goes. I hope we will all still be friends. I would still be writing in here.

I would definitely be joining on all the weekend activities, so don't tak ajak!

how did you guys do?

Some kind of personal

I've been doing sports for a long time to know that cotton anything is bad and we all should go and Dri-Fit ourselves. But I hate Dri-Fit. My running tshirts of choice would always be cotton. I know they get sticky, and super wet you could wring it to fill a cup, but I could never replace cotton with Dri-Fit. Dri-Fit tshirts always emanate the sour glue-y smell that never goes away. Plus I hate that it's slippery on the skin. I am way too used with the sticky cotton thing.

I remember being a university student and browsing through the sports shops looking at the arrays of technical garments. These shops know how to advertise; I felt like I needed everything they have in the shop. But alas, the only thing I could part my money with is just a pair of socks, and my biggest splurge ever when I was a student was a super snug Nike Dri-Fit running tights that I still wear only on special occasion, the last one being a 4 hour run with the running senior in uni. The running tights is long, grey in color, exactly like the compression tights you see these days. I had planned to wear it for the Kl Marathon, but looks like it's going to sit this one out.

This week is off to a slow, or rather haphazard start. I always know more or less what I would be doing every night, and hardly ever stray from my pre-programmed cardio of choice. But yesterday night I bailed out and decided to stay in instead, to lose myself in a book. Telling myself that it's ok to just have a day off is easy, it's convincing the rigid and rabid sports ghoul in me that it's ok that is hard. I hate to wake up the next morning feeling guilty over a missed workout. Which is what happened more or less this morning, but I pushed it away, rationalizing myself that I NEEDED the break:

a) My cousin was admitted to Ampang Puteri yesterday after a confirmed relapse. He has been battling leukemia since he was 14, and he is now 23. We've been scared too many times with this relapse game, only this time it is real, and definitely ugly. Yesterday, I saw the person I grew up with, gave up on everything. He refused to do chemo (it won't help him anyway), and asked his brother to deactivate his Facebook account, let his chickens go, sell off his car, and quit his first - and new - job (he has been in his office only 3 days before getting the news). We're hoping that this passing time would be easier on him, eventhough it won't be for us. All I could remember was the time when him and me went to Bali together, and it was such a fireball of fun.

b) Work. Ever since I'm transferred to a project, life is certainly different. Working hours are funny, and I don't really have a spare time to, well, spare. But I LOVE what I'm doing, and it feels like in school except I get paid for it.

c) Knees. Resting them this time feels a lot easier on the mind than previously. I'm definitely not going to fall into the trap of rushing into the running scene and hammering it even with injuries. It's not worth it. I could always pick up running back. I will never lose the 'mojo' for it.

Wednesday today! My favorite day, cardio wise. Ooooooh can't wait until 5pm.

It's OK

Yes I'm indecisive, but this time around I think I'm pretty sure about it.

I'm pulling out of the SCKLM. I might be there just to accompany my dad in case my cousins aren't running, but I'd prefer if I do my own thing instead of being by the sideline :) (or maybe be Kash's sergeant of arms for her kedai runcit... after all, I worked as a sales assistant during uni for years!)

Sunday I was up and ready to go for a nice long run to just give some juice back into my dormant running legs. I went out for a warm-up run and only in the third km I felt a slight pinch.

I continued my run again with the company of a good running friend. The conversation was good, the weather was blisfully humid (we started at 840 am) and my mind and heart were psyched. I was ready to run longer, albeit slower. Things were looking up, and my body was warm enough to the point where I nearly started to hum. The only problem was my knees were complaining of being overworked and they did not like it one bit.

They made a point to tell me about their unsatisfaction every single pounding step. But the run was getting good, we were just warmed up and in my heart I could go on and on and on with this. This used to be my walk in the park.

But I'm not stupid, and I refuse to be foolish for the second time around. I cannot run anymore, well not at that time. I can't - and won't - let me ego of running yet another marathon or a much talked about race hinder the progress of my recovering knees. I still have other events to run in, and I'm not going to spoil it by forcing my knees into submission, to which they simply won't.

This is the tiring part of running, the part where I almost always go back and forth between throwing the towel, or exclaiming, "I love running!" I'm tired of juggling between want and can't. It's highly demotivating and such a downer to keep on worrying about nagging injuries.

But it's not the end of the world.

I had a great Saturday, and for that I am grateful. It wasn't as good as last last Saturday, to which I would put up as the benchmark for the best workout performance ever. I have come to totally cherish who I am turning to instead of just being resistant to change. There is a different possibility in my athletic capability, in my future athletic journey, and to be honest I am more than fine to accept it.

Let's have a perfect week ladies and gentlemen.

"If you don't like something, change it. If you can't change it, change your attitude. Don't complain." — Maya Angelou

Recovery

I think I went overboard last week by jumping straight into my fitness routine as if last Saturday all I did was an hour of exercise.

By Saturday I was a burnout. and this, with Friday off.

I spent Thursday night spending 2 hours working out a sweat with a punishing (and self demoralizing) workout. I hate it when it's a form/skill honing day. You go back and forth from criticizing yourself when your form flails to patting yourself on the back for a good job well done. The guys I work out with stopped their own workouts to concentrate on mine instead. In the end I came home with a very sore body and had a really nice icing session. Ice works wonders! I wonder why it took me a long time to do the whole body icing party.

Friday was supposed to join the uncles but it was raining and to be honest I muttered a loud 'Thank You God' with relief as I dove back into bed. I decided to do nothing since I would need all the energy for my weekend.

Saturday was a nice weather day for being outdoors. It was raining and I love the rain. It was a small group and I think I enjoyed it but I couldn't get rid of this nagging tiredness that's just at the back of my head... or rather on my back, literally. I felt sluggish and slow, and I didn't have it in my heart to push all out. I wondered whether it was because of my water intake, or lack of fuel, or the route itself, or whether I was sleepy, but then it just dawned on me that maybe I was just tired. I didn't really let myself recover after last weekend and come Saturday the fatigue has settled nicely on my body.

Sunday I spent the whole day just sleeping and reading a book with my cat at my side. And I mean it, I slept through the day, waking up intemittently for neccessary things. Plus the top of my ankle still hurts and I think my knees are cranky. I think I'm going to let off the next 2 weeks and do something else. My office department started their routine badminton tournament again and this time I'm going to insist on the singles and kill the other female shuttlers! I never liked playing doubles and the last time I did it was hell. I'm such an Alpha female it doesn't work in a team.

Time to work on my netplay, smashes, and my numero uno favorite - the DROP SHOTS. Betul.

Of Waterproof Music and De-Stressing Month

I'm moving back and forth the past few days between feeling extremely frustrated and relieved.

 Some days, after waking up every morning at 530am feeling tired from last night's hard workout, it is a relief to be freshly awake due to a completely rested nighttime of watching downloaded movies and a lot of icing on ankles, etc. Some days, when I try to do a light jog or yoga poses, they're frustrating when I could feel the ache in my knees and at my shoulders. My body is simply not co-operating with me and I'm exhausted of the word 'recovery' and wondering when I could be free of the aches and pains. 

 But also at the same I tell myself that I should be grateful. Grateful that I still have legs to walk, arms to type on keyboards and flip magazine pages, ankles I could flex and somewhat write alphabets in the air with. I try not to be too consumed by my training thoughts that I couldn't see what I still have as opposed to what I don't have currently. The point of training is to get better and I have to know that it's okay to lose a lot of my fitness and strength - what I have worked for the past months. The whole challenge is to start over again, right?

 Anyway, found this gem when I was surfing the internet. This is called Xtrea MP3, and it's a swimmers dream. MP3 player for doing laps. I don't listen to music when I run or swim or anything, but I know a lot of people do, and this is a great gadget to give to a swimmer in your life:

"Take your music anywhere with the durable and completely submergible XtreaMP3 player. The shockresistant and skip-free MP3 player plays up to 240 songs (1GB memory) in high-quality surround sound. The small XtreaMP3 player attaches to a comfortable neoprene arm strap, allowing you to enjoy your favorite music hands free. Specialized waterproof earbuds secure tightly, making for clear listening in any extreme environment. The player is USB compatible and completely waterproof up to depths of 15 feet (4.5m)."

What have I been doing? I have been resting - no running, a lot of yoga, but also some cardio as well. I can't help it, but it might have cost me a longer recovery time for my ankle and shoulder. I know I have to come at a complete standstill but seeing the hot sunny evenings with my old pair of skates I feel a dying urge to break a sweat. Well, can't do anything about it.

 I have a slew of races coming up and paid for... waiting patiently to start running again.

Total Rest

My left ankle is still swollen after 3 days.

My shoulder is happy with her tendonitis.

My knees are not ready to be on their own without medication just yet. Still need some mollycodlling.

 I am left thinking, can't run, can't swim, can't karate, can't inline-skate, can't ride.

 But it's ok. There are worst things in the world. I'm going to take a good rest and read books and cuddle cats and do yoga until I'm bend over backwards like a pretzel.

 Don't worry guys I'm still going to run run run!

Ode to my multisport: no quitting here.

 I have fully recovered from my initial slump regarding my prognosis last Sunday. The knowledge of knowing everything about my disabilities (or in my case, limitations) gives me some sort of a sense of freedom to do whatever I want. I guess this might be the intoxicated me talking. I am on a 2 course antibiotics and ibuprofen, and will be for the next 4 days or so. You know, initially I was gutted out, devastated, keeled over by the shock of the news. I know, drama, but it's about to be that time of the month for me, so I guess I was controlled by my hormones than my rationale then.

 

 I decided to make the best of it. So what if my legs are not made for running - I never said I wanted to be a professional runner. If clunky old men and severely rusty grandmas could shuffle along forward until the cows come home, perhaps so can I. I LOVE running. And I have done it in many situations: I have ran while feeling mad, pissed off, or angry, I have ran the whole course crying my eyes out, I have done it in love with my boyfriend next to me, I ran with kids, with my cat, up the hills, along the beach, up in the woods, amongst cyclists, in the rain, in the sun, while fasting, on injured knees, with injured feet, you name it, I have done it. And I want to do more, these are not enough. And if I could only do it once a week, with a maximum distance of 5k, be it. Nobody's counting, nobody's taking up time counts.

 

 And so is swimming. Oh my, where do I begin. I am in love with swimming.  And swimming loves me. Our relationship was like peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. Easy, smooth and we did not give a hoot what other people thought. But then somehow in the middle of it all, I changed and things fucked up. It wasn't good enough, I thought, and I changed the dynamics.  And all I got out of it was an injured shoulder and possibly weeks of recovery. I'm sorry swimming. I shouldn't have expected more from you (and myself). We were happy being no one in the pool, mediocre lovers just frolicking in the water. I should have not worked myself into a tizzy and worry about the most incessant things, like high elbow recovery. Who gives a hoot when all you need is love? One day, I will come back to you, and we could start again. You will comfort me and soothe me after a good day of whatever else I would be doing. We will be having FUN. No more hatin' - only lovin'.

 

 Aaaahh cycling. My Secret Lover Agent Man. I shall keep mum about this because things are going good, and if it ain't broken, don't even WRITE OR TALK ABOUT IT.

 

 Yesterday I went for a 2 hours yoga session. I am going to rave about this like I do everything else that sweeps me off my judgmental feet. I thought Yoga was too slow, and for trendy socialites. And then I thought it was too advanced for normal non-bendy people like me. And then I figured it would be too expensive anyway and for snobs, and too easy for ol' athletic me. Then I tried out a class, and another, and I was hooked. Humbled, firstly. I have tasted my medicine and it is bitter, but sweet. I loved being proven wrong. Yoga kicks your ass and shapes it into something you could see wiggling in MTV Jams. Not only your ass, but your core and your arms and your neck muscles and your toes - basically everything you have on you. It also tests your ability to cope with pain and block it out with even breathing. I am not the only one. When carloads of FAM football players drop in the many classes, you know it yoga kicks ass. Sometimes we have more sport dudes than the usual females and grannies.

 

 So here's to another one wonderful year of working out, eating right (one aspect that I need Ian's book to help me out) and making new friends while working out. Here is to races I would be doing, races I would be cheering and races I would be volunteering. Looking forward to spend more time with Mr. Karate, my lawfully wedded husband. And with you, you and you who are reading this. Thanks for the support and they will be reciprocated by a tenfold.

Throwing in The Towel

Things happen for a reason, even when we are not wise enough to see/realize it.

My shoulder hurts everytime I swim, has been for 2 weeks now. I knew it was because of overuse and the ridiculous increase in volume in a weekly basis. I consulted a masters swimming coach who said that for a non professional swimmer, there's nothing bad or wrong with my strokes. I just lack the muscle strength that resulted in my shoulder and everything else trying to compensate.

I have been running for 2 weeks now. Nothing serious, 5k maximum. Today after being frustrated with yesterday's lack of training I went for a run and what do you know after only 2km my knees started to feel the pain. At that point I had no idea whether I was imagining the burn because of something called a post recovery trauma, or the pain really happened. But I stopped anyways.

I went to the doctor, and this is really frustrating for me to write but the knee injury is present again and my left shoulder is also injured - tendonitis. The doctor was appalled since my knees were pretty solid the last time we had them checked. He came back to the same theory: my legs just aren't built for running. They're genetically displaced a little bit at the knees and too thin to support my upper body yada yada yada. The same theory goes to my shoulder - too thin, too weak to power through.

And strength training could bulk up my muscles a little bit but they could overpower my joints which will result in more bad joint injuries. Yahoo. "Basically," said my doctor, "you're built for the wrong sport." All these three sports requires the person to have the right muscular strength. Sure Kenyans breed lean runners BUT they don't have a pair of displaced knees. He said that if I was a competitive gymnast, or a professional dancer, I would have no such problems or injuries. My body is more likely to adapt to those sports. And, he added hesitantly, my future as a competitive 'triathlete' will have to end, if I want to be injury free until old age.

You know, at this point, I am somewhat relieved to be hearing those words. Don't get me wrong, the news is devastating but at the agony I went through last two weeks (I was unable to move my left arm if it weren't for the painkiller - arcoxia 120mg) plus the last 6 months of knee pain plus the frustration of missing out on running I am just damn fricking relieved to be given a way out of this mental torture.

Mental torture of unbearable knee pain, then missing running times, then boring recovery, then phobia of starting to run again, then the demotivation to gain my running mileage, and then the forever worrying of injury coming back.

right now, I do not know the way forward and where I stand. I might just give this whole issue a week's rest, take a chill pill. Join my dad gardening.

Energizer Night Race will be the first race I will be running in 2010. It will also be my last, for the time being. I plan to make it the best goddamn run ever. See you guys there and don't forget to say hello ok.

I end this post with one of my favorite quotes ever by Isak Dinesen:

“The cure for anything is salt water - sweat, tears, or the sea”

Running with Injury: Post Standard Chartered

 I completed my second half-marathon for this year at the much talked about Standard Chartered Singapore Marathon. I am back now at home, nursing my massive swollen knees and foot. One look at them and my doctor went, "WHAT DID YOU DO?" I think I might not be running for the Malakoff. I know I'm swearing off (or have to) running next year for about at least 2 months. I can't stand running any more races feeling like hell throughout. For this race, I suffered body cramps - at my stomach, upper back - from bracing the severe pain of my knees. At 7km mark, I told myself, "Maybe I should stop this." And then I saw a message on the back of one runners: Quitters never run, Runners never quit. Oh WELL!

 I finally finished the whole 21km of running on hot coals and hot rods at the horrible but gratifying time of 2:58. I do not care what anyone thinks of this time. I completed my second 21km without so much of a training, with runners knees and plantar fasciitis, and after 5 months of jumping into this running scene. To think my first race was McDonalds run, and back then 7km felt like going to Johore. I was so proud of myself. Still am.

 I want to thank my boyfriend for being a great total support and a great fan, waiting at the sidelines (patiently) until I appeared. Here's to many more years.

 How about you guys?

 Detailed stories and pictures later. 

bad knees again

my knees are starting to swell up. even after icing, etc.

 im starting to wonder if I could ever run normally again. and I've been running since i was 15.

 I refuse to even think it. 

 i am dreaming for the day to come when I run without piercing hot rods sticking through my knees and arches.

 pictures later!

Starting again

That's one of the flight of stone steps we had to endure during my 10 day trip to Annapurna Base Camp. I think this was on the way back, and if I remember correctly, I was heading to Bamboo village. At this point even seeing 2 steps was enough to drain my energy. The best thing about this one was that you couldn't see another 3 flight of stairs up above. Only when you reach the last few steps of the first one that you could see the second and third peeking up, each one even longer than before. I was glad that I am a stair loving girl. Even during my field hockey off season in high school I would run up and down the flight of stairs at home for 30 minutes straight. It's the best way to get fit and work your legs at the same time... of course, you could always stop then. In this trip you had no choice but to brave through all. 

But one thing I noticed that doing these steps helped me a lot in my uphill run after that. Especially the Mizuno wave run - I overtook more people than possible when I ran uphill - to which almost all of them passed me back downhill! hahah. But I realized that running uphill for me has never been a bad thing - I never really hated it even when I ran in the TTDI hills, even in Bukit Tunku. I enjoy the huffing and puffing and especially the burning sensation in my thighs. 

On the way back from the base camp, I decided to head down with these 2 Nepali boys whom we've befriended along the way. They were around my age - 24, and friendly and speak English well. I wanted to go down with them because I was bored of walking alone plus I just wanted to go down as far as I could. The boys were FAST. I lead for the first part of the trek, and I was going faster than usual just so that they wouldn't think I was a sissy girl (hahaha ade jgk part ego) but when it was Mukhti's part to lead he charged ahead. I stumbled down a couple of times especially going down the stairs (at that time my knees were hurting steadily) but I remember it was also the only time I felt excited and, well, alive. I mean, I was continuously pacing myself and playing with my breathing and mentally motivating myself to keep up with the pace. I was so glad that I didn't give in and said, "Stop!" We arrived in Deurali in one hour - a good one hour less.

The crowd in Singapore. I was glad I joined this race. It was well organized, of course, but I think so were all the other races I've been in back home.  Two things were missing in this race that races back home had - Ice and Milo! I was a bit disappointed - I look forward to drink Milo as much as I look forward to the finishing line. Milo from the van always tasted sooo good and it's a great thirst and energy quencher after a run. Also, Ice is always an important part in a race - there will always be runners with swollen ankles or knees, like me. I had to request for an ice bag and had to wait for a while for the lady to get it for me. I sipped the isotonic drink slowly but not really enjoying it. I never missed Milo so much as I had at that time. Still, it was a nice race.

Me seconds before running. You couldn't see the patellar stabilizer I had on both knees but let me tell you that they worked WONDERS. My knees didn't hurt one bit. They felt sore after the race though but that's to be expected since I just ran on an inflamed set of knees for 10k, but it was as bad as the mizuno run.

Yesterday I walked to a friend's house instead of driving. It was my first attempt on a road training after the race. I guess the looming penang marathon freaked me out. It was a short distance - my online pedometer mapped it as 3.47km and true enough I hardly broke a sweat. Well, but at least it got my legs moving. I'm going to train as much as I could and whenever I could -  going to take the longer route whenever I can and walk instead of driving. I just need to get my legs used to the distance. I thank god that I'd done the nepal trip. We walked for about 6 hours a day. I think I could do another straight walking. I'm nervous though!

Going for a swim Monday. My friend the basketball dude hurt both his knees too, although worse - he got ACL, so he said swimming would be good for him. We're going to swim every monday and wednesday. I'm adding another day - tuesday - with another friend. I'm also adding kickboxing class again on thursday. Then that saturday I have a badminton tournament for my department - mixed doubles! Urgh, I hate mixed doubles. I enjoy single sets more. Well, what can you do, I'm just going to (s)wing it!

too lazy to write

so I'm going to put in pictures...

My dad posing before we head out to UPM at 545 am. He looks like an excited  7 year old school boy on his first day of school. He ran a good race, considering that the route had double hills at the end and that his knees weren't really good as well. He thought that the Milo and 100 plus drinks that were being served out weren't free, so he just waited there dying of thirst until I arrived (I had the money in my pants). When I told him that they were gloriously free, he was ecstatic. I think he must have had 10 Milo cups.

The Great Eastern Women 10k. The elite runners were in front of the pack. This was just minutes before the race begins. It was cloudy. I don't like running in cloudy weather. 

 The race for me was quite horrible. I didn't know why but as I was just starting I started to have that discouraging thought, something like, "Oh, I'm going to get so tired," and sure enough that was what I felt throughout the whole race. 3km was a LOONG distance to cover. I was so surprised at my lack of mental strength. It was a flat route mostly, for which my legs were grateful for, but I was kinda hoping some hills were involved. I like hilly courses, especially going uphill. I think I run even faster uphill than downhill. 

 When I reached kilometre 5, I felt lightheaded. I wasn't sure what the reason was; I actually nibbled on a piece of bread earlier in the morning when I never ate anything in any of my race before. They had drinks out ever 2.5k. I drank some at 5k. 

 I was actually struggling at the 8km. My breathing was a bit labored and I felt sick. The last stretch was near to the ocean so it was nice to see the sun peeking through the clouds. The whole time I was using this matsalleh girl as my pacer - she was running steadily which was was I need, and I told myself to not lose the sight of her. 

 The best part of running in a race for me is that - pacing. I like to target someone or a couple of someone in a race and then challenge myself to try to keep up or beat them. During KOTR, I had several pacesetters - and whenever I sped by one I targeted another one. I find that doing that appeals to the inner competitive geek in me - I get to compete with my pacesetters - and its either I win or lose.

 Anyway I'm going to retrace back to Mizuno run, which was a greeeeaat run. I wasn't even tired. I was pacing this girl in a blue headscarf and at kilometer 5 she picked up the pace and left me waay behind. But since the end of the race were just hills, I caught up with her. I was so proud - hey my knees were burning and throbbing like they're Brazilian dancers on fire.

 One thing helped me a lot in the Great Eastern with my knees. I went to this shop called Motion Sport in Paragon Mall, initially wanting to look for a pair of headbands for my boyfriend's shaggy hair during football, but I went out of it with this knee contraception called Patella Stabilizer. And it was AWESOME. My knees didn't even utter a squeak. After the race before we head back, my friend and I headed back to  the shop where I bought another pair for my dad.

 I'm having a headache... guess I have to cut this supposedly long entry with many pictures short. i know what a downer!