My Week So Far

Been feeling quite good lately. Can't wait for this week to be a 'perfect' week.

Monday: my calves hurt to the point of no return. The top of my right foot swelled up and turned red and was such a pain to put weight on that I was worried I might have sprained or -worse - fractured it. But I managed to walk around, albeit slowly and even went to the movies! Haha. I did a crude version of an ice bath twice and that really helped.

Tuesday: Did a small recovery workout. It was very fun, lighthearted, with no specific skills, drills or anything goal-oriented in mind. But ego got the best of me when I saw a couple hard working 'weekend warriors' doing their training and well, what the heck, a few sprints with proper forms couldn't hurt. I haven't skated up those killer inclines for ages. I welcome the burning thighs. Why am I easily out of breath lately? This is frustrating. By this time my feet and legs were ok, just the swelling on top of the right foot.

Wednesday: My favorite day - a quick karate class plus some stretching/strengthening. Karate kicked my ass. Immediately all the soreness in my legs were gone, to be replaced by the upcoming pain that will visit me in the night. I was excused out of doing drills cause coach said my foot looked funky. The stretching classes were awesome, so good, I stayed for another 1 one hour class. I could feel the lactic acid draining out and forming puddles on the floor as we stretch and stretch and stretch. I have weak arms. A guy in the class fell asleep during our 5 minute of 'relaxation' pose (which entails you laying on your back on the floor and basically not moving at all... memangla best gila).

Came back last night, felt that I could do another hour of hard workout. My legs felt good, springy, except for a slight soreness in the right knee, for which I am forever careful of. Iced my lower body for a good 20 minutes. Fell into a deep sleep of good thoughts. I love it when I go to bed tired but satisfied.

Would I do a marathon again? If you asked me last Sunday the answer would be a definite NO. NOOOO. Now, I'm not so adamant about it, but maybe it's because I generally like running. I was thinking yesterday where would be the next 'fun' race - where I could do a fun 10k, 12k or a 21k without the freaking out factor. Without the constraints and demands of training. I've signed up for the small races with my dad and I cannot wait to be running in races with him again. Running for Sundown was a good wake up call for my fizzled out passion. I look forward to be pounding the pavement, feeling free.

But for the moment, I will be putting my focus on my prime and favorite workout which I have been doing a lot of lately. I once read a blog of someone who found her true calling in swimming after doing a multisport (she was brought up as a runner) and I remembered thinking, "How could running be replaced?" and now I know. Yes, now I know. Running will always be in my heart. But I can't get rid of the insane calm and peace I get when I am all alone with only hills and flat routes for hours.

42km

In short, a marathon is a distance that demands your attention, commands your respect, and sends you whimpering and babbling to yourself at the end.

It was more than I bargained for.

Running in a race I was so severely unprepared for, physically, mentally, nutrition wise (I was a charity case from Yim and Zaki and Syah throwing me extra powergels, OSR, etc... thanks guys) could only be the scariest thing I've done in my life.

But it was also quite lovely. To be honest, I thought it was quite romantic, in a way I could not describe. Only the realization that you're 2 hours away from daybreak, in the most out of the world pain you could ever imagine - ready to cry to anyone in any second, dizzy, sad, exhausted - could make you think that despite everything sucky right that moment, it was one of the most awesome things in the world.

"One day, in retrospect, the years of struggle will strike you as the most beautiful."
- Sigmund Freud

It was just you and your thoughts, and you have to bring them home to matter what.

To tell you the truth I wished I could say that I thought about a lot of things while doing the 42km. I've always enjoyed long distance anything because it gives me the company of my thoughts, which I almost always welcome entirely. But when the pain crept in around my feet at kilometer 12, and never let go like a French lover, my thoughts circulated around these 3:

1) Just a little bit, one foot forward, one foot forward, one foot forward.
2) 1km done, another 1km to go yeayy!!!! come on come on come on! (repeated 14 times)
3) Ya Allah sakitnyer. ohmigod. maybe I should stop. WHAT AM I TRYING TO PROVE?

I did not know why I decided to go ahead with the race. I go back and forth between reasons: a part of it is, in the words of Haza, material gains - I WANT that finisher's t-shirt, which leads to the other second part, the ego boosting 'Yo, I done a marathon - you?'. Other parts also being: I just wanted to see if I could finish this, I just wanted to know how far I could go, and also, I really thought that it's going to be a lot of fun at the same time. I remember telling myself, "You already enjoy running, plus you can always walk if you can't run. What's not to enjoy?"

So I finished it. All 42km of it, of which I spent the remaining 16km walking. Just walking. My knees have given out by that time, my feet were long gone. Did I tell you I was doing them in Vibram Five Fingers? Yes. And did I tell you that the longest run I did prior to this was 10km? (I knew I told everyone I did 13km... I lied... because to tell you the truth, I couldn't swallow 10km of 'LSD' either)

To anyone attempting a marathon, let me tell you that it is doable, provided that that cut-off time is more than 6 hours (I finished it in 6 hours 50 minutes :). I have done it in the most Commando style possible, sketchy 10ks in between, mentally surprised (found out about this Friday night). But, if I may:

1) It is totally more rewarding, and satisfying, to complete it with proper and sound training. This would be a totally sweet thing to feel when you cross the finish line, with a good time, and overwhelmed sensors. You worked hard for it, how many weeks before. You will walk on air afterwards, for maybe a few days.

2) Respect the distance. 42km is a mother with a metal whip and a ciggarette dangling at the corner of her smirk. She is relentless, continuous, daunting, and she will never let you forget that fact, even 40km into the whole thing.

3) Remember this quote, all throughout your pain and suffering, and I am sure you'd be alright:

"Mind is everything; muscles mere pieces of rubber. All that I am, I am because of my mind."
-Pavo Nurmi

I would like to give my biggest and heartiest Thanks to Zaki the running librarian for keeping me company and guiding me the whole 25km of the race. I would have given up to a walk at kilometer 12 if it weren't for him. He decided we should incorporate walk breaks into our run since I was horribly in pain. I was the reason for his Personal Worst. But I have no doubt there'll be more PBs in the future for this guy. There is no other kind act that could replace a runner's selflessness in forgoing the race and helping a flailing runner. Karma points for that.

- Shoutouts to KASH and HAZA who were so inspiring that I felt like belting out "Ain't no Mountain high enoughhhhh" when I watched them crossing the line. Rais for the race kit pick-up :), Syah, Yim, Ijam, Ian, Ziff, Diket, Det (betulker semua nama ni?) for the company and the 'motivational' prep before/after the race. Also for Khairul Anuar a.k.a Metalhead for the company after until my bus arrives at 6pm, and Tey who also stays in the same hostel as I did. We were namedropping Haza like it's hot!

Simulation

Yesterday night, from Subang Jaya to Shah Alam and back, I caught sight of 6 runners. The first one was a lady running on her own, in the deep phase of her running I might say, eyes focused, breathing slightly laboured, confident, determined stride.

"Look at her! She's running at night. Great! And I'm in my caftan nightgown." I thought to myself.

I remember this running shoe ad in a running magazine that showed a woman in a car stuck in traffic and a runner was running across the road. The tagline says, "Have you ever wondered why you see everybody running only when you're doing anything but?" I felt exactly like that woman. I felt it all the time when I see someone running andI'm in the car driving. Once, I sent my boyfriend off to work and saw a lady running hard in the sun and I felt like leaping out of the car and joining her.

More runners sighted. But instead of feeling more down, I felt inspired and happy. I love the dedication that mirrors (or would have mirrored) my own. Runners are an exclusive group. Only we know why we're crazy enough to feed this addiction.

The last pair of runners I saw last night was these 2 uncles, running in a very old fashioned gear - meaning headbands, worn out Jogathon-designed tshirt, flourescent strips on muted jogging shorts - and the sight of them was awesome only because they looked every bit the part of dedicated weekend warriors that in my eyes, should be honored more than pro athletes. Nobody paid them to do this and they're doing this even at their age. Without thinking I lowered my car window.

"Hi uncles! Running for Sundown?" I hollered.
"Hi yes yes!" they answered enthusiastically. "You too?"
"Yes. See you!"
"Come join us," the Indian uncle said.
"But I'm wearing caftan," I laughed. By this time I have slowed down my car in order to be beside them.
"Nevermind, running need only shoes. Barefoot also can," the Chinese uncle cajoled me.
"Next time ok? Keep running," I said as they waved me off with a smile.

And then I did something cheesy - I yelled out a parting remark - "Go Subang runners!"

WHY DID I SAY THAT? I burned in shame all the way back. Goes to show when you're high up your brain can't think properly. This is worse than me meeting any celebrities. I remember bumping into George Clooney at the airport when I was 20 and even then I was in check. But if I were to bump into George Clooney training hard for a marathon??? I'd probably bite my tongue, choke in excitement, and babble like a dolt.

Happy weekends lovelies. My menu for the weekend is all planned out, amazing workouts with great company. I promise to squeeze in an LSD this week. I PROMISE.

Sundown Meltdown

*Update*

I might be staying at one of the hostels in Joo Chiat Road as they are the nearest hostels Changi Airport. Now transportation: if some of us are meeting somewhere beforehand then it would be great since we can go to the race venue together. If that is the case, I could book hostels near the town since MRT would be in abundance (the one in Joo Chiat road requires me to walk a bit and coming back at 1am like that... i dont think so)

I have a slight problem.

 Last year, in a haste and caught up with all the hype and excitement, I registered for Sundown. I checked the 21k box. I like 21k. Just as I like 10k. And I want to do another 21k because I thought back then that I would be ready. I mean, I was in the midst of 'recovery and resting' and my next race was only 2 months away (ENR) you know, you know...

 Forgetting about my knees, which is more to paranoia than actual pain (I hope so, but I am being very very careful with them still), I have lost the mental ability to cope with longer runs. Some parts of it were due to lack of training - my legs and body feel uncomfortable at 10k mark now - and of course the big part is that I have forgotten what it felt like to run for longer distances. All I could think about is how tiring it would be, since I was struggling to complete a 10k. And since I've been doing a lot more of something else other than running my mindset has somewhat changed. I think running in general is tiring. Maybe I'm just ridiculously scared for my knees but it is - gasp - dangerous too. Oh God help me I've been rudely converted! Now I know why non runners think runners are crazy.

 So my next race would be the Sundown and I'm seriously considering not to go. So many excuses come to my mind now - the exact opposite when I was dying to enter races, so many reasons I give to myself - the trip is expensive, haven't booked for transportation, hotel, don't know who to bring along, etc etc.

 I have 3 more weeks to get ready for a 21k. So far I've only managed to do about 4 5ks and that's it. 

 Plan A:

 - Run on Tuesdays. (5-6ks)

- Do a longer run on Sunday.  But this could be hard since I have reserved my weekends for activities other than running. Unless I run later, say at 10am. Or maybe I could run in the evening. Running has no rules right? But I'm looking forward to run with friends who are going to attempt all the same races I would. Hmmm.

- Maybe run on Thursdays too. But this is optional since I don't want to overdo the running.

Plan B

- have someone pick up my bib since I'm not going.

 To other Sundown runners: how are you guys going to Singapore? By bus, driving there, or by plane? And what's the nearest hotel/hostel there? Need to figure out my budget and what to say/explain to parents since I just got back from Singapore.