Good Intense Stretch for Runners

Whenever I hit a situation that is mentally or physically challenging, I usually revert back to the darkest, worst moment I'd faced and survived in order to toughen up. Usually it's a tie between the toughest cliff in Nepal, or the last end of the 190km Melaka ride, or the worst hills I've rode on. But it all goes to mush when I'm asked to hold a pose for more than 5 minutes. These SS class can be mentally challenging. VERY. My legs were screaming in pain and my form was shaking and I was gritting my teeth and my teacher was like, "It's all in the mind!"

Anyway, updates: I injured myself big time getting too obsessive in SS - disc herniation in C5 and C6. In layman's terms, however incorrect: slipped disc of the cervical spine. It was mostly ego and pure foolishness, attempting to do poses my body was not strong enough. Because I thought I was good, and I thought I could handle it.

Practising SS has made me aware of my body like never before. When I run, I am very very aware of my feet landings, how my knees feel, the sides of my upper body, and especially my breathing. It's all about how the body works. I am careful not to extend sitting at my desk for too long - taking water breaks, talking on the telephone while standing up, etc. Every little bit counts.

I want to to share with you one good pose that really benefit runners:

Well, this is the best I could find that clearly shows the foot placement, also, I figure if I put a female stretching in her skimpy clothes it wouldn't benefit anyone heheh. Well, then again...

This is the last - and possibly to many - the hardest variation of the knee to head pose. And this is a very good stretch for us runners or cyclists, as this stretches the hamstrings and opens the hip joints simultaneously. Also, the foot placement externally rotates the knee (caution: do this VERY CAREFULLY and if pain appears, move out of the pose) and works the ankle as well. You would feel it at the ankle, and it should feel good, not painful. This is not the final pose. You should be folding forward from your waist (not upper back) and holding to your extended foot. If you are really flexible, you should be clasping your left wrist (if left leg extended) with your right hand. The point is to get your stomach kissing your upper thigh.

There you go. This is my favorite stretch to do after a run, because your legs are already warmed up and open, and when you bend forward, you reallly really feel this stretch.

priorities

i guess there's only so many moments you can have before you have to redefine your focus.

People ask me if it was hard to let go. Before answering, I will always recall back the recent post I wrote about loving the cycling and what it does for me. To be honest, it was harder before the decision, not so after. I would look at all my friend's weekend's escapades with neither longing, envy nor regret. Sometimes I would confide in a friend about the immensity of what I am letting go of, and they would understand, knowing that before all of this, it was a huge part in my life. But we are meant to lose the people/things we love, because how else are we going to know how important they were to us?

exercise will always be a part of my life. but in a different way now.

I end this with one of my favorite quotes from Benjamin Button:

For what it’s worth, it’s never too late, or in my case too early, to be whoever you want to be. There’s no time limit... start whenever you want... you can change or stay the same. There are no rules to this thing. We can make the best or the worst of it. I hope you make the best of it. I hope you see things that stop you. I hope you feel things that you never felt before. I hope you meet people with a different point of view. I hope you live a life that you’re proud of and if you find that you’re not, I hope you have the strength to start all over again.

2 weeks holiday

I do this every year: take two weeks off until the next year. I always feel itching to work afterwards.

What have I been doing? Work, in and out, through emails.

Eat. I have been eating regularly and healthily for the past one month and it's been giving me some good feedbacks.

First, I cut out all junk food. If I was so inclined, I'd have one or two but that's about it. I replace sugary water with plain water or chocolate milk if I really needed the taste. I stuff in more fruits and vegetables. I try to eat wholemeal grains; but if I were back at mom's house it's hard to say no to their white rice (my sister and I tried unsuccessfully to convert them to brown rice). I keep smaller portions of rice, bigger portions of vegetables and medium portions of meat.

My only sugary treats are good dark chocolates. Thank god I'm not much of a sweet tooth.

After the fall, I was pretty much resting at home. My shoulder is still strained, and my hipbones do not sit well. I do forms of karate drills religiously at home, trying to keep the restlessness at bay.

My fabulous form is again, back to zero. I have not been training for 8 days. But I'm not sweating it. There's always time for improvement.

I have been working on my own place - fixing the kitchen, bedroom and storage area. I find that setting a regular timetable for all your cleaning and maintenance keeps your house tidy and in good form. I divide the tasks into daily, weekly and monthly. I believe in weekly toilet cleaning, vacuuming, complete laundry (bedsheets, towels, etc) and menu planning. I also think that aromatherapy oils work the best, even though scented candles do function in closed small spaces.

Cleaning the whole space works the whole body.

Last night, after a good time with friends who've been around for years, I went to bed with a tinge of something I can't quite place. I want to go running. Two years ago, I would always end my good time with a nice run the next morning. It's always a nice feeling to have, the morning air so crisp, and me going about last night's event. There's always something so romantic about it that I can't never let go of. Last night though, I only massaged my grandma knees, thank God I am healthy, and went back to bed, with my alarm off.

I might never be able to run as free as I did before. But there are other things to be grateful about.

Running: The Best Of

Me and my whole family are all talking about this Malakoff run. This time around, few more of my cousins are joining and also my colleagues (upon my insistence).

Caught up in the excitement, sometimes I wondered if i should just forgo my 'retirement' plan and join them in the run too.

It seems that I'm retiring at the wrong moment - my sister (whom I have given up trying to make her run) has been asking me about running, and which race she should apply to.

For the millionth time after my knee injury, I wished I didn't have degenerative knee bones. Or that it's just some sort of an injury, that could get better in time. I look at other people running everyday and think, "How come they don't get any knee pain?" I regard other runners with some sort of an amazement - how could your knees take it but not mine?

Sometimes I feel like not giving a hoot and running through all the pain. But I want to be able to walk during my pregnancy (something women with bad knees like mine can't do). And I'm pretty sure there is a reason for everything, even if we can't see it yet.

So I am sticking through my promise - no running events anymore - at least, nothing that amounts to more than 3 per year. I would not completely stop running though, I think that is fairly impossible, but I would not run until I have to run. I'm pretty ok with that.

Thank You, feet, for keeping me company for 13 wonderful years. We had great moments.

Yesterday, while cleaning up my place, I found a box of things that belonged to me in high school. As is by pure coincidence, out came my sporting paraphernalia; hockey shin pads, tapes, squash balls, worn out badminton racquets, and most importantly, my running bibs.

1246 - my first ever running race number, when I was 13. It was a cross country, distance maybe 3km, and I think I finished it waaay after the event has finished. By the time I arrived, everybody was gone, and the tents were all cleared off the field. I was dumbfounded. I thought I was in Twilight Zone.

1355 - second race of the same distance, which I ran blindly without stopping trying to chase the top girl in school to no avail. My first ever trophy. I got number 13. Lucky number 13. This was the year when running started to make sense.

42:23 - my best 10km time. I was 15 and was also in field hockey. field hockey worked your endurance and speed like hell. Joining cross country was easy because we ran so much during field hockey. We had many different coaches and everyone was insane.

400m, 800m, 1500m, 4x400m - my favorite events. I HATED competing but not when I know I would win HAha! Out of the 4, 800m was the hardest because I always had a hard time pacing this distance. you burnt out going too fast too soon, but lose out when you started too slow. My winning 1500m time was 5:25. I was 16-17. My boyfriend then was the school's top runner but I had no idea I would be marrying that guy.

suicides and horses - my favorite running drills.

Bullet with Butterfly Wings (Smashing Pumpkins) - my all time favorite running song. the song started out slow but then explodes into magic. Great for tempo run.

Rancid (out come the wolves) - favorite running album. I then ran while holding a freaking discman.

Hyde Park - the best running place oversea.

After an emotional fight - the best time to do your tempo run.

Gentle Pickup - my favorite Runner's World term.

Reebok Premier Road - favorite running shoes. I have 2 of them!

5k - favorite running distance.

Writing this makes me want to run.

I spoke to one of the cyclists whom I cycle with, and he told me that he too used to run. In fact, "I used to run with the Pacesetters, even had me a running girlfriend too," he said. I asked him, "Don't you miss it?"

"You've just go find something else that hooks you the same way."

Brisk Walk

I need to gain some weight.

 Everybody's making jokes about my weight now and it's getting worrying. They say that by the time I ran to the finishing line all that's left would be my hair and a stick. My sister read the paper today which states that for every kilometer you run you lose 1 kg and she's like no wonder you're so freaking skinny!

 This morning, boyfriend and I woke up early for a nice stroll/jog at the lake. He is far off worse than me: got a nice hairline fracture on his ankle and his fibula bone popped out of the socket. When we looked at his x-ray we all visibly cringed, even the doctor. He has been off work for 8 weeks now, with countless of physio sessions and ice (but his icing is done the professional way - sticking his ankle through the hole and the ice would be timed and adjusted accordingly - I was looking at the icing machine in awe). He was hoping to make it for the football selection end of May but it seems like the dream is dashed. We're a walking example of Misery Loves Company.

 I got a nice workout - brisk walking for about 5 loops. I forgot how taxing this seemingly docile exercise is, especially if you're an injured runner making a comeback. Those aunties really know what they are doing. I tried to follow their speed but lost steam after 3 rounds. How did they go so fast without running? It seemed impossible as I kept breaking into a stride every once in a while. It was much more easier to trot than to walk at a furious pace for a long time. Nevertheless I was sweating and pumped up while my boyfriend took it real slow with a 1 km walk. So kesian. He was also complaining about the lost of his muscle mass especially on his thighs (vain). I had to admit they looked especially slim comparing. I mean before that his quads were scary to look at and he couldn't fit in any of those trendy TopShop jeans guys our age wear kahkahkah. You know, the really slim ones rocker dudes wear?

 Anyway, my doctor said that I could start running again, albeit slowly but I'm SO nervous. I keep feeling twinges of pain when I do. And now I think I feel it all the time... even while sleeping. I think I'm going crazy. He says my knees look ok now, if you don't count the cartilage wear and tear. But as far as inflammation goes, I'm clear. He thinks I'm being paranoid and he likes that fact since it would make me run carefully. Oh well.

 Really need to go for a massage. And gain some weight. Does Appeton WeightGain work? I'm tired of all the nicknames, jokes and wearing belts for ALL my jeans. Damn.

 

Nice To Know You, Friend

I have a new friend, and her life is the total pits.

I met her on a rainy Wednesday evening. It was drizzling, stopping anything soon, and I felt wistful, knowing that to run afterwards would be a very therapeutic feeling. But my knees won't appreciate the therapy.

My new friend is blind in one eye, from an accident when she was 3. Her husband left her for another woman, and she is left fending for her kids and coping with the cost of life in the form of mortgage, car loans, bills, and everything else in between. My new friend lost her father recently, and she told me that she has lost the only man who loved her truly and never let her down even for a second. Also, she has a weak pair of legs, shuffles everywhere when she has to walk, which is often because her car breaks down almost all the time ("This car reminds me of my ex- husband," she told me wryly, "because it always gives me shit.") Her youngest is suffering from Lupus, and seems unable to motivate himself to enjoy school. She was a swimmer all throughout high school and university even with one eyesight. She was fast, a waterbaby. But since life bogs her down so much all her glory days is a gift she reopens once in a while at 3am in the morning when she couldn't sleep.

That is my new friend, and her name is Perspective. I come to her if I want a dose of Get Me Out of This Funk. Being young, and unharnessed, and sometimes impatient, I tend to forget that it's not the end of the world if I couldn't run. I go back and forth from being Miss Spiritual, Life is Great to WHY AM I STILL NOT RECOVERING?

So here it is, Perspective. Do I want her life? Or mine, which is - when you look at it again - not so bad at all. In fact, I am going to for a nice long walk after this, and enjoy the view. I could still enjoy blue skies and dogs marking trees and insane traffic jams, whereas Perspective can't. Not completely.

So, no brainer here.

Of Waterproof Music and De-Stressing Month

I'm moving back and forth the past few days between feeling extremely frustrated and relieved.

 Some days, after waking up every morning at 530am feeling tired from last night's hard workout, it is a relief to be freshly awake due to a completely rested nighttime of watching downloaded movies and a lot of icing on ankles, etc. Some days, when I try to do a light jog or yoga poses, they're frustrating when I could feel the ache in my knees and at my shoulders. My body is simply not co-operating with me and I'm exhausted of the word 'recovery' and wondering when I could be free of the aches and pains. 

 But also at the same I tell myself that I should be grateful. Grateful that I still have legs to walk, arms to type on keyboards and flip magazine pages, ankles I could flex and somewhat write alphabets in the air with. I try not to be too consumed by my training thoughts that I couldn't see what I still have as opposed to what I don't have currently. The point of training is to get better and I have to know that it's okay to lose a lot of my fitness and strength - what I have worked for the past months. The whole challenge is to start over again, right?

 Anyway, found this gem when I was surfing the internet. This is called Xtrea MP3, and it's a swimmers dream. MP3 player for doing laps. I don't listen to music when I run or swim or anything, but I know a lot of people do, and this is a great gadget to give to a swimmer in your life:

"Take your music anywhere with the durable and completely submergible XtreaMP3 player. The shockresistant and skip-free MP3 player plays up to 240 songs (1GB memory) in high-quality surround sound. The small XtreaMP3 player attaches to a comfortable neoprene arm strap, allowing you to enjoy your favorite music hands free. Specialized waterproof earbuds secure tightly, making for clear listening in any extreme environment. The player is USB compatible and completely waterproof up to depths of 15 feet (4.5m)."

What have I been doing? I have been resting - no running, a lot of yoga, but also some cardio as well. I can't help it, but it might have cost me a longer recovery time for my ankle and shoulder. I know I have to come at a complete standstill but seeing the hot sunny evenings with my old pair of skates I feel a dying urge to break a sweat. Well, can't do anything about it.

 I have a slew of races coming up and paid for... waiting patiently to start running again.

Total Rest

My left ankle is still swollen after 3 days.

My shoulder is happy with her tendonitis.

My knees are not ready to be on their own without medication just yet. Still need some mollycodlling.

 I am left thinking, can't run, can't swim, can't karate, can't inline-skate, can't ride.

 But it's ok. There are worst things in the world. I'm going to take a good rest and read books and cuddle cats and do yoga until I'm bend over backwards like a pretzel.

 Don't worry guys I'm still going to run run run!

Ode to my multisport: no quitting here.

 I have fully recovered from my initial slump regarding my prognosis last Sunday. The knowledge of knowing everything about my disabilities (or in my case, limitations) gives me some sort of a sense of freedom to do whatever I want. I guess this might be the intoxicated me talking. I am on a 2 course antibiotics and ibuprofen, and will be for the next 4 days or so. You know, initially I was gutted out, devastated, keeled over by the shock of the news. I know, drama, but it's about to be that time of the month for me, so I guess I was controlled by my hormones than my rationale then.

 

 I decided to make the best of it. So what if my legs are not made for running - I never said I wanted to be a professional runner. If clunky old men and severely rusty grandmas could shuffle along forward until the cows come home, perhaps so can I. I LOVE running. And I have done it in many situations: I have ran while feeling mad, pissed off, or angry, I have ran the whole course crying my eyes out, I have done it in love with my boyfriend next to me, I ran with kids, with my cat, up the hills, along the beach, up in the woods, amongst cyclists, in the rain, in the sun, while fasting, on injured knees, with injured feet, you name it, I have done it. And I want to do more, these are not enough. And if I could only do it once a week, with a maximum distance of 5k, be it. Nobody's counting, nobody's taking up time counts.

 

 And so is swimming. Oh my, where do I begin. I am in love with swimming.  And swimming loves me. Our relationship was like peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. Easy, smooth and we did not give a hoot what other people thought. But then somehow in the middle of it all, I changed and things fucked up. It wasn't good enough, I thought, and I changed the dynamics.  And all I got out of it was an injured shoulder and possibly weeks of recovery. I'm sorry swimming. I shouldn't have expected more from you (and myself). We were happy being no one in the pool, mediocre lovers just frolicking in the water. I should have not worked myself into a tizzy and worry about the most incessant things, like high elbow recovery. Who gives a hoot when all you need is love? One day, I will come back to you, and we could start again. You will comfort me and soothe me after a good day of whatever else I would be doing. We will be having FUN. No more hatin' - only lovin'.

 

 Aaaahh cycling. My Secret Lover Agent Man. I shall keep mum about this because things are going good, and if it ain't broken, don't even WRITE OR TALK ABOUT IT.

 

 Yesterday I went for a 2 hours yoga session. I am going to rave about this like I do everything else that sweeps me off my judgmental feet. I thought Yoga was too slow, and for trendy socialites. And then I thought it was too advanced for normal non-bendy people like me. And then I figured it would be too expensive anyway and for snobs, and too easy for ol' athletic me. Then I tried out a class, and another, and I was hooked. Humbled, firstly. I have tasted my medicine and it is bitter, but sweet. I loved being proven wrong. Yoga kicks your ass and shapes it into something you could see wiggling in MTV Jams. Not only your ass, but your core and your arms and your neck muscles and your toes - basically everything you have on you. It also tests your ability to cope with pain and block it out with even breathing. I am not the only one. When carloads of FAM football players drop in the many classes, you know it yoga kicks ass. Sometimes we have more sport dudes than the usual females and grannies.

 

 So here's to another one wonderful year of working out, eating right (one aspect that I need Ian's book to help me out) and making new friends while working out. Here is to races I would be doing, races I would be cheering and races I would be volunteering. Looking forward to spend more time with Mr. Karate, my lawfully wedded husband. And with you, you and you who are reading this. Thanks for the support and they will be reciprocated by a tenfold.

Throwing in The Towel

Things happen for a reason, even when we are not wise enough to see/realize it.

My shoulder hurts everytime I swim, has been for 2 weeks now. I knew it was because of overuse and the ridiculous increase in volume in a weekly basis. I consulted a masters swimming coach who said that for a non professional swimmer, there's nothing bad or wrong with my strokes. I just lack the muscle strength that resulted in my shoulder and everything else trying to compensate.

I have been running for 2 weeks now. Nothing serious, 5k maximum. Today after being frustrated with yesterday's lack of training I went for a run and what do you know after only 2km my knees started to feel the pain. At that point I had no idea whether I was imagining the burn because of something called a post recovery trauma, or the pain really happened. But I stopped anyways.

I went to the doctor, and this is really frustrating for me to write but the knee injury is present again and my left shoulder is also injured - tendonitis. The doctor was appalled since my knees were pretty solid the last time we had them checked. He came back to the same theory: my legs just aren't built for running. They're genetically displaced a little bit at the knees and too thin to support my upper body yada yada yada. The same theory goes to my shoulder - too thin, too weak to power through.

And strength training could bulk up my muscles a little bit but they could overpower my joints which will result in more bad joint injuries. Yahoo. "Basically," said my doctor, "you're built for the wrong sport." All these three sports requires the person to have the right muscular strength. Sure Kenyans breed lean runners BUT they don't have a pair of displaced knees. He said that if I was a competitive gymnast, or a professional dancer, I would have no such problems or injuries. My body is more likely to adapt to those sports. And, he added hesitantly, my future as a competitive 'triathlete' will have to end, if I want to be injury free until old age.

You know, at this point, I am somewhat relieved to be hearing those words. Don't get me wrong, the news is devastating but at the agony I went through last two weeks (I was unable to move my left arm if it weren't for the painkiller - arcoxia 120mg) plus the last 6 months of knee pain plus the frustration of missing out on running I am just damn fricking relieved to be given a way out of this mental torture.

Mental torture of unbearable knee pain, then missing running times, then boring recovery, then phobia of starting to run again, then the demotivation to gain my running mileage, and then the forever worrying of injury coming back.

right now, I do not know the way forward and where I stand. I might just give this whole issue a week's rest, take a chill pill. Join my dad gardening.

Energizer Night Race will be the first race I will be running in 2010. It will also be my last, for the time being. I plan to make it the best goddamn run ever. See you guys there and don't forget to say hello ok.

I end this post with one of my favorite quotes ever by Isak Dinesen:

“The cure for anything is salt water - sweat, tears, or the sea”

The Downside of Trying To Be Actively Healthy

I got home from today's swim session feeling like my head is going to split into two. The first time it happened - it was about 3 weeks ago - was when I came home from a swim, fixed myself breakfast, and 20 minutes later, vomited the contents out with a severe pounding headache. 

 The doctor diagnosed it as a migraine, and well, he found out what my trigger points were. I can't have chocolates, any cocoa based food (milo included), cheese, mandarin oranges, and I forget what else. I was shoveling all of those a few days before on a continuous basis. 

 However, the headache is acting up again. Even as I'm typing this, there's literally a hot vise gripping around my skull and the pain is both pounding and throbbing. And when I googled, I found out that I'm not alone:

 They called it a Swimmer's Migraines, or Headaches, and many people have either felt it or experienced it on a normal basis. The culprits are likely to be tight goggles, tight cap, or dehydration. Also some articles discussed about CO2 buildup which is caused by inefficient breathing during the swim. 

 My own diagnosis is that I am dehydrated. This is my biggest weakness in doing sports - I tend to go a whole workout without water and food and always ended the exercises feeling waaay too exhausted and spent. For instance today I can't remember drinking anything on the way and even while swimming and when I arrived in my parent's house in Nilai I took my time puttering, reading books, playing with my cat before having a glass of water. By then the headache was already saying Hello to me.

 My sister saw me drinking loads of water and asked why. When I explained it to her, she said, "Wow, there sure are a lot of pitfalls in working out. X-rays this, X-rays that, weak knees, migraines, and the works."

 She added, "Not to rain on your parade, but I think I'm healthier than you!"

 Straight away I knew that I am giving out the wrong message about staying healthy. Exercising is the number one choice to start getting healthy, but you have to do it properly. Overtraining, over excessive use of muscles, bad nutrient and diet won't make you any better even if you work out 6 days per week. There's a whole load of injuries and ailments waiting for you out there - swimmer's Ear, Swimmer's Migraines, Runner's Knees, handlebar palsy, etc.

And mother of all: dehydration: lack of water! oh why do I do this to myself?

 Have to train myself to take care of the 'other' part of being healthy. Proper food, proper fueling and proper rest. 

 Arrrgh pening gilaaa

Running with Injury: Post Standard Chartered

 I completed my second half-marathon for this year at the much talked about Standard Chartered Singapore Marathon. I am back now at home, nursing my massive swollen knees and foot. One look at them and my doctor went, "WHAT DID YOU DO?" I think I might not be running for the Malakoff. I know I'm swearing off (or have to) running next year for about at least 2 months. I can't stand running any more races feeling like hell throughout. For this race, I suffered body cramps - at my stomach, upper back - from bracing the severe pain of my knees. At 7km mark, I told myself, "Maybe I should stop this." And then I saw a message on the back of one runners: Quitters never run, Runners never quit. Oh WELL!

 I finally finished the whole 21km of running on hot coals and hot rods at the horrible but gratifying time of 2:58. I do not care what anyone thinks of this time. I completed my second 21km without so much of a training, with runners knees and plantar fasciitis, and after 5 months of jumping into this running scene. To think my first race was McDonalds run, and back then 7km felt like going to Johore. I was so proud of myself. Still am.

 I want to thank my boyfriend for being a great total support and a great fan, waiting at the sidelines (patiently) until I appeared. Here's to many more years.

 How about you guys?

 Detailed stories and pictures later. 

Running Withdrawal

"Let's talk about stress.

It is defined as a ratio of force per area.

Stress is when your muscles clench up, usually between your shoulder blades. It also applies to when you pronounce a word even longer and more defined than normal, more often than not to imply that the situation is serious. 

In everyday life, you stress out conversations to emphasize meanings. A stress test in material science determines which material is stronger by not showing signs of straining first. Stress to civil engineers is a computer software - STRuctual Engineering Systems Solver. What lucky fools. In the world of fashion, when you 'stress' your jeans, it means that you dragged some rough materials over them to achieve that semi-frayed, distressed look.

In an academic setting, stress has many possibilites. It could mean staying up all night blinking in the dark, going through equations. It results in either rapid weight loss or alarming weight gain. Hair turns gray. PMS cycles are frequent, sometimes faked. You body resorts to causing pain to alert yourself that your systems are frazzled. 

Stress: The gift that keeps on giving."

 I wrote that 3 years ago, when I was a student and dying over my final exams. Engineering was a tough course; sports was the only way I get to unleash all that wound up feelings. Studying after a great run, or running after a great studying session, both were rewarding. I get so tired to think afterwards.

 My knees still hurt. It hurts when I walk down the stairs. They throb for no reason when I watch the television. I eat medication like candy; I am on one everyday for the rest of my life from now on. My knees is more fucked up than Bart Simpson...

 On my calendar at work, today is my running day. I'm supposed to do a short 3.5km of speedwork, running in intervals of RPE 8 for 200m, 400m then 20 seconds more. It's a shoddy speedwork, but it gets my amateur heart pumping. I would be hating the warm up run. I would long to go straight home and read books. I would want to stop.

 Bet you don't know what you've got till it's gone. 

 I'm not having such a great week, even though its only Tuesday. My new job requires me to recall back technical terms I have left in second year. My new colleagues are friendly, but distant, of course, like all new colleagues are. I'm also juggling with some sort of a personal issue that defines adulthood. I'm worried and stressed almost all the time now. I miss running, getting my heart pumped like I'm about to die. I miss feeling awesome even for seconds. I'm feeling horrible and stressed all the time now. 

 Mizuno wave run is this Sunday. I was very looking forward to it because it would be the first race I would be running with my dad officially. My dad is very excited; his first race with an official t-shirt and all. He told me he's been upping his mileage now. I didn't have the heart to tell him I can only hobble to work. 

 The doctor that I went to told me, "Some people aren't born to be runners." He is talking about my legs, their bone structure, apparently I have this genetic bow-legged that was the sole reason why my knees hurt even when I play bowling. The x-rays of my knees were stark and scary - almost too honest and blunt - the wear on my left knee plus the obvious bow-leggedness that I only noticed then. 

 But. I'm still going to run. Maybe not now, but definitely after recovering.

 Anyway, that's a picture of me against the Macchapuchre Mt, fondly dubbed as Mt Fishtail by the locals. This was the first day of the hike.

 

She sounds spanish

but the injury feels like its from hell. Chrondomalacia Patella, that's the name of whatever's been bugging my knee. It doesn't really require a rocket scientist to figure it out; I'd done some googling of my own and when the doctor confirmed I actually lip-synched him. I mean, who can pronounce those two words unless they've got some practice during work hours thanks to Google? 

 Some people dub it the classic Runner's Knees, but whatever it's called, I got a nasty case of it because the intensity was heightened during my trekking trip. Especially the last 2 days or so when the course was just downhill and included thousands of steps (a porter we met said that we'd just covered 2 thousand or so steps on that day... but I was incredulous) 

 So no nothing for about 7 weeks... at least nothing intense. I've been fasting the whole week to compensate my inactivity - at least I got something good out of this month - but I think I should start swimming at least... or kickboxing. It's hard to find swimming pools that don't close at 8pm or get too crowded with little kids or rowdy college students who make it hard to swim smoothly, especially when they splash around until the water gets choppy. I could do badminton with the boyfriend again, but he's busy with school and also sporting an ankle injury of his own. The most I could do is swimming on weekends or maybe one weeknight, and kickboxing (maybe just boxing!) one weeknight.

 How safe is it to run early in the morning at KLCC park? My previous job was relaxed enough to allow me to leave at 5pm sharp and arrive at Subang's lake to run for 30 minutes or so (I usually arrive in subang at 630pm), but my new job seems to demand after 5 working hours. I hate running in the evening especially at the park where most of my colleagues would be ambling back to their cars, and the only option I could think of to run is early in the morning before work starts. I usually reach my office at 7am (one hour earlier) so I was thinking I could run for half an hour and shower in the gym (my department has a membership). Wait... but that's my previous department. Rats!

 There goes all my careful planning. I'm running out of options with my future running schedule. Is there anyone you know who is looking for a running partner to run throughout the week? Maybe I should join the Adidas running community since they run at klcc park every tuesdays.

what a predicament

i miss running.

it's been nearly a week - i'd just arrived on malaysian soil late saturday night. While in nepal my parents sold the house my siser and I were living in and all my stuff are currently in my sister's new apartment. I have no idea where most of my workclothes are, let alone my running shoes (and running pants, sports bras, etc). I haven't figured out how to get to work from the new place and vie versa plus at work I found out that I have to move to a new position too. There's a whole lot of packing up and repacking that I have to do.

I read an amazing article about recovering drug addicts who turned to running as a new addiction. The article featured this one man who ran ultra marathons of many themes ever since he started running. He was a meth addict, cocaine junkie, and various other recreational drugs for about 10 years. No doubt he says the drug high is more intense, but the high he gets from running is just as good. Sometimes, when the mood hits, he says, he'd be running around a simple lake for hours and it felt like a cocaine high. He still dreams about coke though, but nothing beats getting high as a kite and still get to meet his kids for dinner. That is the only difference between his former addiction with his current, and it's a really good difference, one that changes everything from bad to good.

My knees hurt when I touch them, tender like a bruise. They hurt even more and especially when I do my prayers, during sujud when I would have to exert pressure on my knees between movements. I can't go on a simple flight of stairs without feeling like there are hot rods stuck through my kneecaps. I thought that by simply giving my knees an extra long break after the trekking (it's been 7 days and counting now) they would feel a lot better and I could start running again. But the prospect of me running looks poor. I'm afraid of injuries, especially since I have about 4 upcoming races to run, the earliest being this 25th october, if I'm not mistaken. I don't know if I should rest some more, or start running slowly to not lose my already flailing fitness.

I really do miss running. A lot of the things in my life seem unharnessed when I don't have a proper running routine. I miss the discplined, ramrod straight schedule of my week when I was running consistently.

Oh well.

Pokhara, Nepal

I am writing from Pokhara, nepal, a cowboy town where most treks (basically being annapurna) start and end. I just finished my 10 days of trekking yesterday, and for the time being I am GLAD that it's over. My knees hurt beyond oblivion, my thighs are sore to a point where it hurts to even touch them and forget about my feet, they look like blisters have migrated and dominated the region. Yesterday was the last part of our trek, and it was one of the worst days ever basically because I am mentally and physically tired already after walking straight for 10 days. Not just walking... but climbing uphill and running downhill for the most part... all while carrying a 9.5 kg bag.

Yesterday trek was supposedly easy; just a long descent to Birenthanti, where it's another 45 minutes walk to Naya Pul to get a taxi and head back to town. But I have discovered earlier on in the trek that I'm better at going uphill than downhill; I prefer uphill more actually. The downhill trekking did awful things to my knees, at nights in the cold (temperature goes down until 1 celcius which is horribly bad for a malaysian girl!) I can't hardly move them at all because they get so stiff and tight. Even now as I write this down they still hurt.

I thought that the descent to Birenthanti will take only 2 hours or 3 hours max. But I was waay wrong. We started at 830 am, and only stopped walking at 130pm. It was a steady and sometimes steep downhill on stone stairs and sandy trails, and I made the mistake of only having hot chocolate for breakfast. We stopped only for minutes on end because all of us were eager to reach the destination. On the way to Birenthanti, after walking for 4 straight hours, I actually passed out for a while... or maybe passed out was too dramatic, I only just fell to my knees. I just wanted to stop walking!

Anyway, I will write a proper entry on this some other time, as I'm going to see the doctor because my knees are seriously hurting. Yesterday I rewarded myself with a hearty meal of sweet and sour fish with rice and I shoveled it up in minutes... considering to order second. We ate only noodle soup up there with the occasional splurge of cheese pizza, and it was so cold I felt hungry most of the times. But I enjoyed the camarederie of all the trekkers we met in the lodges and during the trek, particularly this amazing couple from Chile who were infectiously happy and friendly. Not to mention a cute, smart-assed and intelligent little 6 year old Ashaw from England that I befriended on the trip.

Been reading all of your updates just now and I am itching to start running again!!

Oh, have any of you heard of this guy Pedro from Portugal? I sat next to him on the bus to Pokkhara and he's into triathlons and he knows a couple of malaysian tri athletes (always asking me whether I know a Dino from Malaysia or Singappore) whose names are beyond my knowledge. I think he was placed 5th in the climb-a-thon or towerthon last February or something... I can't remember facts straight because I'm on medication right now!