Semangat Lari Balik... and I talk about yoga.

Actually, I have always been semangat.

 Actually, tak.

To be honest, ever since I discovered ashtanga yoga, I am lazy to do anything that involves me to go out of the house wearing clothes... erk, not that I practice naked. Cuma less baju to wash. Dengan tudung nyer lagi etc etc.

Why do I like ashtanga so much? Because it is a good replacement. It physically, mentally and emotionally challenges me just the same. The practice usually takes me about 90 minutes or 120 minutes to complete, depending, and it requires you to focus.

When I came to yoga it was because the doctors said, "Kau lari lagi kau kayuh lagi aku patahkan lutut hang!" (Badan lembik perasan baguih) Ntah2 dier tambah dalam hati. So I went. I came to yoga entirely for a physical practice.

Then somehow it changed. Ashtanga is hard. Period. It has about 5? series - one series have probably about 30 or so poses - and they keep getting harder. Most people will only do first series, maybe two. A few get to do third and beyond. I have been doing first - or primary - series for literally a year now.

The major difference about ashtanga and my 'tri' training is the spiritual aspect of it. Whereas multisport os a world where you need to kinda exude confidence, ashtanga needs you to be really humble. If your balance is off that day - check, did you unintentionally hurt someone? It's a grounding practice, one that goes with my faith.

But let's talk about the physical aspect. Here are a few of my favorite primary poses:

  
This is called bhujapidasana. The full pose requires you to lower your head slightly to the floor, and lifting back up. This develops your arm strength tremendously. My swimming has never felt better. One of my favorites.


Lolasana. I have not yet gained that strength in the hip flexors to lift my feet up.


Kukutasana - Christy Turlington, a dedicated yogi, nailing it. I love this one too.

Here are the poses in second series:


Pincha Mayurasana - I totally love this pose. Took me a while to develop that upper body strength to kick up. Can only do it supported, with my toes against a wall.

I could share more but here's one that I am currently practicing:


Eka Pada Koundiyasana - I could only get to balance for a split second before my arm strength failed me. Love the work I am putting for this, a third series pose.

Anyway, the stronger I get with my practice the more I yearn to start a regular running practice back. I do run, usually once a week, or twice on a good week, and cycle once a week, but it's not satisfying enough. Now that the first series is getting a tad easier, I feel like I want to incorporate running as a cross training... how funny is that? Would be good for my legs to develop some strength that could help me with some hard balancing poses!

 Onto my running practice... twice a week, first. Baby steps!

You Know You're Addicted When...

I'm now going through a grueling 6 day strength and endurance workshop... just because.

 I was reading a blog post titled, "You know you're a martial arts student when..." and it got me thinking. Here's mine:

 You Know You're a Workout Junkie When:

1) You own more stretchy pants than jeans.
2) You own different pairs of running shoes for LSD, race days, treadmills, lazy runs
3) You sleep in the running vests you get during registrations.
4) You have countless amount of workout bras, for different sports: longer length for cycling, more support for running, etc
4a) You have countless supplies of anything, in my case 3 yoga mats, 2 helmets, 2 gloves, 2 swimming suits, 2 goggles, etc... the list is endless. Consumer whore!
5) Your bathroom constantly have goggles, swim cap and swimming suits hanging to dry
6) Your car is a mobile sports store room with shoes, pairs of socks, bottled water, etc
7) You smell of muscle rubs most of the time.
8) You understand and can talk about V02 max, intervals, and pyramids with such excitement.
9) You mentally map out your run or cycle route whenever you're passing a pretty hilly road or beautiful landscape
10) Your vacation is a running event, or a yoga workshop
11) You don't hesitate.. EVER to plunk out more than RM200 for your beloved sports
12) Your kitchen is fully stocked with bananas and chocolate milk
13) You and your spouse go to massages, reflexology, and cupping more often than the movies.
14) You won't swim in a pool that is not 50m
15) You know what Nuu, Urdhva Dhanurasana, bento bag, pulling means
16) The word Drill gives you a Thrill
17) You actually know where your serratus anterior, rotator cuff and plantar fasciitis are. And what they mean.

I actually have a lot more but I am at work at I can't really get to excited. Of all the activities I listed, I've been missing the swim. Ever since I rented out my condo to a friend the pool benefit goes away too. That was the suckiest part for me. I love my condo's pool because it is 50m, has practically no one, and although not deep, nice enough for me to tread water and do whatever I wanted to do.

 My cycling is now only on Sundays, at the same route and area. I just like the hills. It's an easy workout, without wasting time and driving far. The last time I went, I honestly thought I would suffer, but I was actually pretty great even my riding buddy complimented on me. HE NEVER DOES THAT. Of course, it wasn't really a compliment, more like, "Well, at least you weren't huffing and puffing." hahah trust me, I take it as a compliment, because it surely means he didn't think I was a hopeless case.

I went running Saturday with a friend. We did hills (of course). Since she was just starting out and hates running I turned it inot some sort of a game: run uphill and brisk walk the rest. We had fun, especially at the top of the hills.

 My body is sooo sore! And I feel tired! I can't wait to run. What? did I just say that. Maybe I'm delusional.

Obsession

Last night was SS class. As always, 90 minutes felt like... 20 minutes. I am starting to get really obsessive with this, just like I was obsessed with every other sports I happen to try. When I first started swimming, I got so obsessed I literally had this software of a dude swimming in place in my laptop. You click on it and see him from top, side and front, to see the perfect quadrant and his alignment and stroke and what not. I watched probably millions of youtube videos on how to improve my body roll, bilateral breathing, etc etc.

When I got obsessed with cycling I read cycling biographies a lot. I wasn't as obsessed with the techniques of this sport like I was with swimming, but I would get excited looking at videos of cyclists doing their long distance rides. What appealed about cycling was what running once appealed to me - the suffering through the long distance. It wasn't about speed - I will never be fast - but it was more to how long I could hold on and the triumph I felt at the end. Cycling has trumped running to be my number one relaxing outdoor sport and will always remain.

I got obsessed with karate too. I was also obsessed with kickboxing. I was obsessed with in-line skating. All of them now has been reduced to sports I play when I have all the time in the world a.k.a annual leave. Nevertheless I love all of them for different, unique reasons.

One of the things I love about SS class is the rooting at the end of the class. After 90 minutes is over, we were asked to sit and reflect and let go of all arrogance that visited us when we were doing the poses. This was an amazing concept because I am highly competitive and always trying to be the best. This reminder forces me to focus only on myself and not other people. Sure enough the moment I felt chuffed about nailing some tough poses I lost my balance and falter, or fell altogether. The instructor always starts the class by asking us to find our intention. "If today your intention is to be more humble with this practice, with your strength and flexibility - then do so." I love it.

I have registered myself to a couple of running events! It's going to be crazy and I'm sure I couldn't sleep well. It's been more than a year since I last ran socially. It has been 8 months since I last rode in a group too. Sometimes I miss it; there's no pressure, always for the scenery and social banter, but the time sucking doesn't sit well with my 'new' life. I am equally happy to be riding in a group of two, enjoying conversations.

No Competition

Tuesday: SS class. It was insane. I hate it that I am naturally competitive with myself. I get mad that I couldn't do certain things.

Thursday: Ran a normal 5.4k. It was low key and I was a bit tired from lack of sleep and a heavy day at work.

Friday: SS class. I was drenched. Nothing to say except that I want to be good at this fast... all for the right reason.

I keep telling myself to not let my ego gets in the way. When I was a fast runner, I was a little bit too chuffed. And now I can't never ever get that speed again without being in a wheelchair afterwards. When I was at my 'peak' in cycling, I got a little bit too heady too, and then got into that accident where originally I planned to smoke people up the hills. We never got to go that hill, cause I crashed. And after a long break, I am slowly getting back to that level.

Now my SS class. I signed up for the first series out of the six series and it's challenging. If you can do all the poses well, you can advance to the next level. But these poses are hard. They require you to engage body parts you wouldn't even imagine could be engaged, and sometimes your mind can't do them. I am told to come to the class with an open positive mind but sometimes I get disheartened... and it's supposed to HEAL me.

I guess it comes to my intention. Do I do these sports so I could show off to people, or for myself and my health? After taking up the SS class, I try to reassess my goals and intention, everytime. It's easy to let your ego gets in the way. I guess I was a little bit into my head, trying to master all the sets just because if I did, it's considered awesome. And that's the reason why I never could.

Anyways, looking forward for a great sports filled weekend.

180

I always think: if it weren't for my knees, I would be smoking everybody.

On days when I could not go on because of them, I get moments where I think, "why?" And then I realized that this is such a small thing. I think the reason behind this is that maybe God is telling me something. If I didn't have bad knees or shoulders or what not, I would be such a conceited ass. In high school I was a smug athlete. I got annoyed at slower runners. My purpose when running is dropping others behind. I knew I was good, and I think I let it go over my head.

Now my knees and shoulders keep me in check. They allow me to do sports without letting my ego gets the best of me. At anytime I started to excel and thus, smugness sinks in, they get to work. Too many times I had to pull out of runs, rides, tournaments because of my knees.

It sounded like a curse. But I chose to see it as a blessing.

This week was one good example. I did another long distance event this week, and although not the first, or the fastest lady there, I was strong. I kept a nice pace (I think all the years in cross country taught me well in pacing myself), I handled my nutrition well, and I kept it together through all the crazy hills. People commented how good and how strong I was despite poor mileage and lack of training. They mentioned it several times.

I started to get a big head.

The next day, another long distance event. I was all prepped, thinking of all the praises heaped on me when I finally finished it. The pictures they will take, showing me in action, people going, wow nadia is so strong!

My knees acted up. And I had to say no. Because although ego is a big thing, I think experience and the smartness of saying no is better. I've learned my mistakes when I ruined them because of running. Now I exercise caution.

Anyway, I think I will always be a long distance girl. I never cared about the time or speed, although to be honest I would want to have BOTH speed and endurance. But if I had to choose, I'd choose the ability to go long, and enjoy long. This was one of the sweetest long distance thing I had to endure, because it was just me, my thoughts, and wanting to finish. I always want to finish. And I always will.

To having the ability and capability to go long and enjoy long, thank you God, for this gift.

great week

i worked out everyday except for Monday. this on a heavy fever week. why do i only get and give good workouts to myself during uncalled for times? i run better - faster, longer - during ramadhan with all the dehydration. And this week, heavy with fever and stuffy nose and fatigue, I had awesome sessions.

Well, awesome sessions, but my body felt weak. Nevertheless, they recover fast.

Tuesday, I in-line skated. Watching youtube videos of the Longboard Girls with their sick skills spurned me on. I let my hair down, and pretended I'm one of them, blasting up and down the hills, feeling the quads, working. I imagined them quads looking cute, toned and firm and wasn't that a great motivation to push up harder.
What I learned: you can enjoy the exertion if you think about how this will benefit you in the long run.

Wednesday, strength. Didn't break too much of a sweat, but my heart pumped somewhat crazy. I loved this sessions and wished I had more time after work.
What I learned: it is up to you to push yourself. You can always add one more rep and then the next.

Thursday, finally my boyfriend decided to join me for a spin. And that dude wowed me as usual. My turf, my playground, and he whooped my ass climbing up the hills like the bike and him were one and the same. I loved the view of his calves when I was exerting myself along the ride. The night was balmy and humid, and it was the best because I was with the person who mattered most.
What I learned: The same route helps to gauge your fitness, and how each exercise changes according to the day weather, mental state, etc.

Friday, still feeling weak, but strength class still had to go on. This time, I wanted to focus on my upper body strength. And dear lovely instructor, she made us pant and sweat and our arms and upper back shake like a Polaroid picture. great stretching sessions afterwards.
What I learned: Focus and breathing are keys to your knowing your RPE.

Saturday, a dip in the pool. Woke up from a goood recovery sleep, and decided what the hell, let's just get yourself worked out for a while.
What I learned: You can lose yourself in the moment, and the next thing you know, you've exceeded your expectations.

balik kampung jumpa ibu, ayah, kucing!

Broke My Back comeback

What a great workout. After 4 weeks off no serious cardio (except a 3 runs, 2 in-line skating with RPE of 8, and karate drills), I managed to complete this not-so-easy workout with great flourish. Except for some back pain and bodily aches (due to different steed and adaptability of the distance after a lay off) I feel fine. Totally fine. In fact, I loved this workou so much! Maybe we should do this weekly.

My secret? Karate drills. And yoga stretches - daily. Those things really helped. So many things could go wrong - wrong sized steed, shoes, heavier in general, lack of fitness, tough route, but aside from the two mother effer hills, I had a great time, I wasn't slow or slowing anyone down, I am actually ok, speedwise. I could use another bottle of water, but dehydration's part of my exercise anyway.

These past one week, I was cooped up in a meeting room for a weeklong discussion. It's called an IPF study, and being the green, newbie engineer that I am, I was glad I was thrown into this to learn. But all we did inside there was sit, think really hard, argue, and then eat. All the lack of physical exercise makes me wish we could conduct this study while on treadmills or something. Anything to keep us energized. So what I did was to bring weights in and use them around my ankles while we were discussing. Lifting both my legs up help strengthen my knees, and that's always a good thing.

Once I am back home I did my karate drills and an hour of yoga. No excuse no matter how pooped I am. I have made the conscious decision to be good to my body, at least 6 times a week. Last week, the gym of my condo was closed, and it was raining, and my knees hurt to run, so what I did was pop in my collection of CDs and had a mosh fest. I was breathing really hard at the end of the hour. I forgot how good music makes you feel, especially with the tunes.

For your information, I was listening to Smashing Pumpkins, As I Lay Dying, and Bush. Great tunes.

Off to clean the house. Another workout?

I end this with a sobering but uplifting picture:

If this kid can smile... so can YOU

Due Update

I have been Internet-less for a few days now ever since moving into my own space. The office blocks out most pages I want to access, blogger included. Thank God for my trusty old manual cardio journal.

Saturday:

The distance got the best of me. I never liked this route, mostly because it messes up with my pacing. I am never good in pacing. If it's a loooong steady incline, I always get winded haflway up. If it's a flat road I lose steam after charging fast the first few kms. If it's downhill I get bored with all the going down. No, pacing is never my strong suit, and that is unfortunate.

The first few times where I paced correctly the result was sweet. I'm still trying to figure out at which point I should surge ahead and when I should hold back to accumulate potential energy (chewah!). I ended Saturday workout with a half-hearted joy. Maybe it is just the route.

Sunday:

Met my favourite girls and we got started. The pace was quick and easy, and I was caught by my own joy of empty highways and vast open space. The weather was good. I liked it, but I wish it was hotter. I would have enjoyed it more if the sun was scorching on my back. I like suffering during exercising... isn't it the whole point? Pushing to your limits when you 'train'?

A girl whose blog I frequently read writes about always trying to max out yourself when you train. You will never know how far you can go if you didn't try. Well, I'm not training for anything specific nor do I want to beat any of my (so-called) records but I am intrigued by the thought of just getting better, stronger, faster. I worked on my form. I emulated the better ones. I mimicked closely what they did. And I gave when I simply just couldn't push it anymore. That Sunday was a first for me, giving up and stopping. But instead of feeling deflated, I felt positive, knowing that there is a room for me to improve.

I like having benchmarks. I like knowing you've leaped further than you did before.

Monday was a much needed rest. I slept in late, had a good fest of a lunch, spent some quality time with my family and boyfriend, and then watched a movie. Idris Elba was so hot in Takers. I don't really like accents but I like the fact that he's tall. Harris says he walks like he has a tennis ball stuffed between his crotch and I was like, You don't say...

Tuesday:

Fast cardio! But I took it easy, because I have promised a friend I would. We were always in it together, the same level, the same goals. One of the better, stronger ones, also stuck with us, kept at our pace. I can't believe she took it easy. She's a powerhorse. We slalomed all the ups and downs, curves and bends, laughing, making jokes, feeling like the night is ours. At the end of the workout the Powerhorse started to up the intensity, and I followed suit. Like I said, I just wanted to test myself, see if I could beat myself, and get a good workout while I'm at it. I hung on to her for a good 2 minutes, breathing hard, feeling dizzy.

It felt great however. I believe that I am slowly getting better. Inch by inch, my stamina is improving. Slowly but surely, I am able to cover more grounds. I am, more or less, back to where I was.

Unfit but getting there!

Tuesday:

OUT OF SHAPE.

Those were the words screaming repeatedly in my ears Tuesday night as I did my much-sought-after-but-hardly-indulge cardio workout.

Let me just lay this on the floor: I knew where my fitness is, I knew I'm so far behind, and I knew I have to put in effort just to be where I was before (before what? I have no idea too).

But that night was a shock to my cardiovascular system. 2 minutes into starting, as always, I felt bile at the base of my throat, my chest tightened, and I fought to keep my breathing even. Classic signs of out-of-shape, too much rest, too much hours working, so-called weekend warrior.

I started to entertain the idea of giving up. I have a LOOONG way to go, and the route's not exactly easy anyway. I was left behind, alone, and the only thing that I could think of is a ghost attack. I hate night workouts.

But I hate giving up more. I COULD FINISH THIS, I told myself fiercely. Doggedly.

Thank God a friend came ambling along. He would accompany me, he said, plus, I'm not in the mood lately, burnt out I guess. I don't mind following your pace.

I'm so unfit, I gasped.

Don't worry, he said. You'll get back to it after a few more repeats.

1 hour and 40 minutes later, I finished it. The unforgiving, take no prisoners, no mercy kind of a workout even for seasoned athletes.

You know what I love? The fact that I loved the hardest, most difficult parts of the whole thing. The fact that instead of feeling like I have to slog through it dreadfully, I went at it head on and horns thrusted.

Wednesday:

Sometimes I wonder where I find the motivation behind all these routine. I mean, look at me - I am no paid athlete. I do not have a race coming up soon, and even if I do I end up forgetting it or missing it out. But I still rely on these routines.

Big help for Wednesday was writing down exactly what I want to do with my workout time. Listing out the drills, the time and the RPE I expect to achieve makes it easier for me to just go ahead with the workout instead of worrying in the middle of it what to do next. It's like having a coach except that this coach knows you reallly well.

I also planned to push this workout hard. I want to be tired at the end.

For the first time in a decade, I also timed myself. Haven't been doing that because I didn't see a point of it.

The session went well. I did not cheat one bit, except to change one set because my knees were hurting (paranoia). I took my time to stretch and really stretch the muscles between sets. I made sure my heart was pounding furiously or else I'd give myself one more set just to piss me off even more.

I worked so hard that I had trouble keeping my eyes open during dinner.

And today I ate Nasi Lemak and 2 slices of Pepperoni Pizza.

additional: Dinner is nasi goreng! Damn tasty.

Stirred

Starting over is my favorite part of this whole game.

The stacking workouts. The increase of distance, repetitions, intensity. The back to back routine.

The hurt to get there.

People ask me, "Are you a professional athlete? Are you doing sports competitively? Why the training to get better if you're not going to race/win?"

Because I want to. And in my world, I am the number one athlete, and that's enough.

Beautiful Rush

Did a very very short stint of cardio today. There is no time for me to fit in most everything, but I take what I can get.

Woke up early, got dressed, and got going. The roads were amazingly clear, with only a smattering of cars here and there, and the sun was just about up. It was the kind of morning you would envision if the town is attacked by zombies. I love the combination of public holidays and lazy Malaysians. Malaysia rules!!!

The rush of trying out a new route. I was smiling.

Too short, I arrived at boyfriend's house. Wasn't even pounding. wasn't even sweaty. Still it was worth it, that physical body movement. being at one again with the roads. Feeling the sun on my skin.

I get a little too poetic and dramatic sometimes, but really, there is an absolute beauty in speed and adrenaline.

Off to London for 10 days. Damnit. I'll miss my sun and humidity.

cardio lovers

I've been reading these 3 blogs obsessively for the past months, one of of them is married to another athlete and just gave birth to a baby. Her resentment and jealousy over her husband's availability to work out while she's stuck with a baby at her breast is both endearing and scary. Somehow, the situation makes me think of my boyfriend and I and how similar some of her blog posts are to us. Needless to say, we're not married and I definitely do not have a baby, but still.

Both of us play sports on a daily basis. My boyfriend does sport professionally and competitively and is a certified athlete whereas I only moonlight as one. Our perfect day is to wake up early in the morning, hike or cycle up the Shah Alam hills, eat a huge breakfast, and do another round of cardio in the evening, mostly some kickboxing or swimming. We are almost always in our flip flops and t-shirts, our hair wet from post-workout showers. Both of us have this deep tan from too many times of sun exposure. The last time we went for a typical 'Gen-Y' type of date: movie, mall, meal was eons ago. The last movie we went to was Alien Vs Monsters and it was free. Our workouts consumed us. Once, while running, we had an argument and in the midst of it my boyfriend even stopped to tell me to 'keep my breathing even.'

Between the both of us, I'm the more obsessive one when it comes to sports. I was not discovered to play sports; I discovered it. I have no one pushing me to train at a specific time, to give me a hard time when I miss a workout. The dedication to train and keep to a rigid schedule was mine all mine. Nobody is paying me money to work up a sweat day by day. I got no incentives, yet I still wake up most mornings to fit in at least an hour of something hard. My boyfriend on his off season, would definitely be happy to be a slug. On a couch with the TV remote in his hand.

Right now it's the Ramadhan month. My work now has totally taken over my life that I'm either too drained or too stiff to be starting any cardio. I travel about 2 times a week. The airport has become my good friend and I am collecting boarding passes like they're meal coupons. My boyfriend has eased off on his swimming out of loyalty to me (we do the 2 hour sessions together and he's NOT going to get to do pyramids when I don't!) but he still has his scheduled friendly matches 3 times a week. I'm exhausted most of the time from work and he bounds off from the after effect of a good track workout. It's not fair.

I do have a plan all lined up. I plan to run after work before Iftar just like last year, a simple 5k 2-3 times a week. At night, if my energy permits, I would spend some quality time with my karate since it'll be a good time to sharpen up some flexibility and strength. And I think that will be enough.

I feel like going out for a run RIGHT NOW.

Awesome Saturday Run

Went to the lake after nearly a year abandoning it. Wanted to see how I would do after putting up a solid base of endurance from a multitude of sports compared to last year, when all I did was just run. True enough, the so called hilly part of that lake is now reduced to just a mere flat with 2 inches of heels, now that I know the true meaning of inclines and hills. Ran 2 loops with shoes on, just to see if my feet missed wearing it. No luck. I felt shitty wearing it and chucked it off, replaced it with my fivefinger I stored conveniently in the car. Just like that, I felt my blood surging. Got competitive and started hunting. There was a guy in orange who was a novice runner but speedy, and I started chasing him down, taking my time, slowly pacing, until we reached the fart of a hill, and I ran my way up so fast, giggling inside like a banshee. And then I told myself, what the heck, since you hardly run anyway, why not make this the hardest tempo run in your life. Make it hard, make it uncomfortable make it the worst run in your life. So I ran harder, ran faster, heart in my mouth, ready to come out in puke if I allowed it. I picked up my legs fast, hard, ran as if I was Flo-jo, feeling strong, feeling like crap, feeling the wind in my ears and the heart burning burning burning...

What a nice goddamn 8k.

Slog, Butt, Race

I had a nice weekend, although I wish certain things could go better. That thought stayed with me the whole drive back, until I am convinced there is nothing I could do about it. There will be bad moments and good moments. And most of the times you gain more with bad episodes. A famous super athlete once wrote -

"But I need to have these days (bad days) - because the 'defeats' expose my weaknesses, and enable me to grow, learn and develop as an athlete."


Not to say that I am an athlete, but you get what I mean. I would label this as an Experience/Lesson learnt and shelf it for my future reference.

That being said - I enjoyed the camaraderie. It's amazing how it buoyed me tremendously when I was running. I thought that I was going to have a bad run, but instead it turned out to be the best part of the race. I didn't care about the timing, I just wanted to stop and chit-chat with the other runners. I gave my Milo to someone else, paced with a good friend of mine Chris, and cheered on everyone whom I passed. Friends cheered on me too, which makes me feel like I'm doing something RIGHT.

I enjoyed it even more when I get to deal with thoughts of giving up. This is the best part of being in a race, I think, eventhough when you're in the midst of fighting yourself it just felt ugly. I kept telling myself that this will only make me stronger, and I will feel so damn proud of myself. I began listing out the things that are way worse than running a 10k under the hot sun after having your body slaughtered for the past 2 hours. So many things:

1) Losing/thinning hair
2) Fabregas out of Arsenal
3) Contador winning NEXT year's TDF
4) Lelaki berlagak
5) The extinction of Milo Ice
6) The death of my beloved cat, Cik Mek Molek

and on and on. In retrospect, running a 10k is way better than all of the above. It's not so bad really, with sexy girls and their asses hanging out, grandmas overtaking me and disappearing from sight, good looking men with skin the color of brown sugar.

The best for me is the company of Kash and her little support crew, Rais and Citra (who is my good friend!). Sometimes you wonder about the kindness of people and where/how it comes about - one of life's mysteries we will never figure out, nor do we want to. If you can have a savings account for good karma, I'm sure Kash and Rais would be millionaires. Thank you for making this event a great, close knit one.

So to summarize:

The best part of the race: the running event
The best part of being in this race: mentally fighting yourself not to give up
The best part of this event: Kash+rais+citra and meeting friends.

And now I am just tired and I want to sleep till the cows come home.

Addiction or Lifestyle?

Today I came across an interesting question: which came first - the addict or the drug? The author states that essentially drugs, if left alone, are just either a normal plant or a chemical mixture. It's the addiction that completes the relationship, therefore addiction is the one who started the dangerous journey. It comes complete with the withdrawal syndroms/symptoms, you crave it in a way you can't describe and it literally takes over your life.

My sports have sort of become an addiction, and I can't really tell if it's the healthy kind or the bad kind. I feel the withdrawal blues if I left it for more than a day, I think about it every other hour, sometimes with great attention, and it consumes my very existence. My life is utterly dependent on it and there have been possibilities where I totally wished I was ignorant to this aspect of life. How totally blissful if I could not care less about a low mileage week, or anything else that surrounds this cult concept. I consider myself to be a level-headed, feet on the ground kind of person but lately my priorities have been horribly warped. But for the most part, 90% of it, I am totally happy with it. I just acknowledge the fact that I need to find a good balance...

1) Shoes
Been wearing the same pair of shoes to work. It's purple flats and getting really worn down. I know I should at least get another pair so that I can alternate, but really, spending RM 49.99 for a pair of shoes (that I only wear on the way to work anyway!) seems a little bit too much. Shoes are expensive - this purple flats I bought for RM 19.99.
But I did not balk when registering for races that costs me RM 40-60. Each.

2) Car
I drive a 15 year-old car named George (husband). He's old, a little bit cranky, and lately, has gotten to be a bit senile. Won't open the car window, lights up only in one eye, radio suddenly doesn't work, etc. He also has cancer on the left side of his body, and I have to tape his left eye up lest the lightbulb comes out. He needs to be aligned, balanced, etc. My replies to dear dad when he pesters me to check up George, "No Money, no Time."
But I could afford gadgets that please my wheeled boyfriend (Thunder), am considering to get me Garmin GPS watch, compression pants, etc, and I have all the time in the world to run run run.

3) Work
I won't compromise sports for my work, but I would - and did - compromise work for my sports. BAD. But it's the truth. Have you all taken a day of leave just to get in some plentiful of cardio? I have. Many times. Yep. Despised waking up at 530 am for work, but easily 530am for a freaking heart pumping activity... on the weekends. My first thought when boss asked me to go to Norway AND Belgium for work in July - "But... Siemens run!"

4) Property
Same thing like my car/shoes, etc. Am a proud owner of a one-bedroom unit and despite tons of work needs to be done with it (grille, lighting, fridge, streamyx... eh Unify) I'm thinking of using the money for something else, like a pair of running shoes or something carbon.

5) Life

a. Registered with dad for SCKLM, decided not to run and wanted to do something else instead in order to get that cardio fix, managed to convince my dad to drive there by HIMSELF, park the car and go back home by himself until my mom said, "You registered together and now you want orang tua ni pergi sendiri???? Just so you can EKSERSAIZ?" Hell hath no fury for a woman whose husband is (so-called) scorned.

b. For the past 2 years, I was a part of a 2 man business team. We did graphic and design for just about anything, covering wedding cards, murals, tshirts, depending on the demographic of our clients (corporate, kids, universities, normal couples, etc) Last year, I remember being TOTALLY WIRED for Urbanscapes. It is the largest art/design festival in Malaysia, and we had a booth selling our canvas arts and printed t-shirts. We stayed up all night silkscreening, stencilling, painting, doing the accounts for the big day. It was a success, and we garnered quite an attention.
This year, Urbanscapes was held on the same weekend as SCKLM. I was totally clueless, only finding out about it when my partner told me he wanted to buy my part of the share because of my 'inabillity to commit.' Sometimes I miss those days of inhaling paint fumes and talking about lines, shapes, pantone colors and JPEG.

c. Friends have totally considered me out of their lives. And the sad thing is that I was too busy working out to even CARE. haha. Today though, I'm making a difference. Bailed out on another fantastic cardio (sighssssss.... what a TOTAL LOSS) to have a farewell dinner of my best friend (yeah right he probably doesn't know I exist anymore) and his wife+kid before they left for Australia.

The only ones who are not complaining are my cat and boyfriend. But that's because both of them are equally independent, self-sufficient, and lead equally busy and fulfilled lives.

So, am I addicted or is this just my lifestyle?