Keputusan Lari Hari Sabtu

Gagal.

Alasan:period pain

Sebab benar: Malas

Akhirnya makan nasi dagang ss19 dengan emak.

Balik rumah register race event untuk bulan2 depan.

(Sadomasochism)

Macam mana nak race, kalau asyik duduk atas sofa lepas makan, well fed but brain dead.

Dah dua event DNS ni. Macam best pulak register and dapat baju free, pastu gi kerja on that day. hahah yeah right.

House Arrest

Today's planned workout had a premature death. I planned to have a very quick run before I start my day.

Instead, today's workout consisted of painting about 5 walls (upper body toning) and rearranging furniture (strength training). Also threw in 20 minutes of fast walking (a tense and panicked run through at the hardware shop). Hey, in this era of the the modern working woman, I'll take exercise any way I can. Even if it means doing calf raises while brushing my teeth... or waiting for my conditioner to soak in.

I had a day off today just so that I can settle my new place as soon as I can. I never knew painting walls can be so tiring! My arms were shaking from lifting them up for prolonged periods. I salute both my parents for single handedly painting their house inside AND out!

My cardio plans for tomorrow will have to be shelved as well since there's just so many things to do and I don't have the luxury of more than 1 hour to spare. But what I can do is to squeeze in a quick run tomorrow morning before the havoc starts.

have a good weekend everyone.

Racing against the sunset

Ironically all the things I want to write about over here kind of disappears when I am staring at the screen. The thoughts were overflowing in my head all the time while I work out - random things like pesky short lane swimmers, after work cardio, motivation, etc, but now I can't seem to express them clearly.

Needless to say, I have not been so successful in making my cardio rountine a, well, routine. The last time I ran, I ran in a different time zone, with a totally busted weather. Plans of doing cardio yesterday was foiled since I was trapped out of the house without my keys... left it in my luggage bag (the perils of traveling so much in a short time).

Today I managed to sneak in some cardio. Nothing fancy, nothing major, I told myself I just wanted to get my body warmed up. Get used to the whole intensive training again. I missed having tan lines on my body.

No one was around when I arrived, save for a couple and their kids. The sun was slowly setting; I arrived late. I warmed up quick, doing my usual 5 laps. Then I did the easiest main set I would do if I'm in a hurry and need a simple workout - long and slow. Forget timing, forget form, just the distance. It was good to be in tune with myself again, although at some parts I flter and my form faltered, I managed to keep myself together. While doing the last 2 laps I remember an entry from a blogger about riding in the evening and racing the sunset. With the sun setting and no one else around, I felt a little spooked. So I raced with my sunlight. I sped through the last 2, making sure I did not let go completely on the form. As always I enjoyed the furious beating of my heart when it's over!

Stretched. I should get my favorite pilates teacher come over for a session. Her classes were the reason why I never had a problem jumping into races and events with no preparations.

Great Cold

Today I was adamant: I WILL drag myself out for a run or a something, no matter what.

Woke up early - went for a great breakfast, then changed. I thought of running around the area of my hotel, which is really pretty and easy to remember, but it was just TOO cold so I went to the gym.

Damn boring. I sighed so much while on the elliptical machine, the guy next to me asked, "How many percentage of the world's problems are you shouldering?" But I managed to slough through 30 minutes of cardio. I was sweating profusely.

Outside, the sun was up and shining. Well, my body's all warmed up, so I went for a quick run around the area. Past the shopping malls, the metro station, the really nice neighborhood area. It was still very cold, but it was too pretty to stop. I wish I had my camera with me.

I didn't know how far or how long I ran. If I had to guess, maybe it was around 25 minutes... or less, since I get tired more in cold weather.

I ran in my Champion C9 sports bra. AWESOMENESS. Oh, I wish I can buy all their running equipments for women.

The Great List

I have tried running while I'm here in the states. Results:

1) Jet lag. I couldn't sleep and if I fell asleep I wake up about 2 hours after... at 3am and stay awake the whole time. By the time 8am rolled in, my head was pounding and I am already tired.

2) Run foiled due to long hours of work. One time we finished at 11pm! (we did start at 11am but still...)

3) Day 4-6: WORK.

4) Too cold. This is my weakness. I can't stand cold weather. I do really well in extreme heat and humidity that I have given my cold weather abilities away. I stepped out of my hotel room to run and scurry back into my room and warm toasty bed.

There was a 10k Halloween run in St. Louis the second day I was here. It looked nice, from the news.

The best thing about United States is the shopping. Ever since I was a kid and into sports, reading their fitness magazines made me wish I could live there. Here is my wish list:

1) Total 9, Underarmour and Champion sports bras: 'Nuff said. Sports bras in Malaysia are pussies compared to what they have here. Even Singapore doesn't stock them. Not all Asian females are tiny! Plus, being sportswomen don't really equal being flat chested. The best thing ever? The name of the best seller sports bra - The Last Resort. hahahahha!! Thank God it's not as vile as Supper Strappers or something.

2) Yoga/Pilates stuff: Cheaper, more variety.

3) More colorful jerseys/attire. YEAY!!

The only thing I managed to buy because I'm so busy with work: Clif Bars.

I've always wanted to taste Clif bars ever since 2 of my favorite super athletes blogged about them. Too lazy to properly research whether Singapore has them or not, I silently bid my time until this trip. Once I arrived, I bee-lined to the Sports Performance aisle in the store and sure enough, CLif bars are all lined up, calling my name. The one I got is Chocolate Brownie, and it tastes like chewy Milo and oatmeal. Perfect for my long periods of cardio!

Will try to run if work permits today.

Thief!

Somebody pretended to be me and took my Mizuno race kit.

I am at the airport, waiting for my flight, and my dad called to tell me that the organizers said that somebody has already taken my race kit... yesterday (he was at UPM when he called). Do they have a race kit pick up yesterday? Who would simply take what is mine?

Granted, I am not running, but I have planned to give it to either my cousin or sister to run in my behalf. Now all of us is disappointed.

Oh well. To those who are running, run well! I am going to endure long hours of flight. Thank God I LOVE airplane food.

See you... I don't know when.

Psst: anybody knows anyone who doesn't want to run SCSM? Hit me up.

9 breaths

At work, I wrote to myself:

Today you will workout. You will try to do a one hour of cardio, but you can always settle on your 'at-least-it's-done' 30 minutes. Nothing shorter, because I know you are stronger than that.

Truth to be told, I was lazy. I was mostly tired from work, and I didn;t really sleep well, I am still recovering from a gastric attack, etc. But I needed to slot that one quick cardio in. I knew how good it feels at the end.

So I did not give time for myself to think. I just stopped work, drove, changed and got to move. And what do you know I loved it. I think I tortured myself quite badly. I felt like fainting. Then I got headaches. I was definitely hard on myself. What I like to do was to imagine that I have an upcoming tough race to participate and my coach was the same one I had for track in high school. He was brutal and he yelled at your ass to GET THE LEGS MOVING!

My workout dynamics have certainly changed now. I have no idea when, and how, but I do know why. I want to get faster and better. I want to be stronger. No longer do I take it slow and steady, training my already solid mental and physical endurance. I enjoy speedier, short bursts of anything now. I like finishing a workout with my heart burning.

I did not burn enough today. I kind of regret that now.

Ever since I read about pushing one's own limit, I am obsessed with the idea of testing myself. I never did that - test my limits. I never HAD to, or wanted to. I was happy doing my sports and coming in last for all it's worth. I didn't want to beat anybody; I just wanted a workout. The only time I found myself tested was during the sundown marathon and that was because I was underprepared. I survived pretty much anything because I know I couldn't stop.

But suddenly I find myself loving this pressure. Wanting the pressure, needing the push. I am not satisfied if I got home with energy left to do laundry, watch Tv, etc. I want to be hammered.

I have to miss out two of the upcoming events that I'd already PAID for thanks to work. But it's an overseas trip so I'm not really complaining, plus I know I would enjoy the FAT (that's factory acceptance test). I'd be bringing my fivefingers and I wish I can bring my other boyfriend but he's quite heavy and won't fold easily. Oh well.

I still have 2 and a half more days before I disappear for 11 days! Make them worth it!

Marathon Marriage

We endured the marathon just like we endured our marriage.

The first few kilometers, we were high as a kite, excited to embark on this journey that will CHANGE OUR LIVES. We held hands, excited to be in this long and arduous journey together. We were well prepared; ointments for cramps and hydration and everything else you need for an event of this magnitude. We were confided, young, happy, and oblivious to what was in store for us.

In the middle of it, gone were our rhythmic pace. We were no longer in sync; no longer running on the same wavelength. We didn't see eye to eye - you said maybe we should hold on and refuel later; I was more careful and suggested that we should stop and drink now. When I stopped for cramps and blisters you barked at me. I got annoyed when you had to tie your shoelace for the millionth of times. We only agreed on one thing: there were so few of the goddamn water stations.

I was thinking maybe we needed personal help.

Kilometer 30: absolutely nothing was beautiful. I couldn't remember why I thought this was so exciting, why I thought spending all this time with you was worthwhile. I couldn't even remember why I fell in love with you. Our flaws and ugliness reared their heads. You snapped at everything. I cried and then got silent. We were distant even though side by side, and I was unable to break that wall. Cramps started to camp in my body parts - calves, stomach, neck. I missed the early times we were together. Have our patience waned when our energy dropped?

26.2. When we reached the chute, my heart soared. You held my hand; gingerly we ran the last few meters together. Crossing this line, we came to an understanding. Our marriage, like the marathon we ran, will never be easy. We will lock heads over strategies and decisions. I will bonk hard and you will cramp out. There will be few water stations and many lonely and desolate moments. We will be faced against our darkest inner demons. But giving up was never an option. We will suffer through this marathon of our marriage, over and over again with the will to make it to the end. We can always train for it. Our love will get us through it.

Even if we have to finish it crawling.

benchmark

Went to my benchmark route today. Small group, just the way I like it. I'm pretty sure my fitness has waned but I didn't know how much. This route will tell all. This route stays fixed.

It was obvious that while my endurance is still around, I have completely lost the leg power. They just. Won't. Move. Any. More. I suffered on parts I didn't normally suffer. Suffered earlier than I normally would.

I seriously want to get better at this.

The best part, of course, was the conversation at the end of the exercise. I love friends with benefit... fitness off the bed benefit, that is.

Dilemma

Work or sports? Work or sports? You know what I'll choose in a heartbeat, but then again I can't neglect work because it supports my sports financially.

Oh no.

I have skipped 2 of my registered events because of work and its so-called obligations. Mostly due to clashing dates more than lack of training. I can race without much training, but I can't race if I'm not physically present!

At work, I have been dealing back and forth regarding this overseas trip I have to make. I was supposed to go last month, then postponed to first week of October, then Oct 11th, and now Oct 18th!

Desaru tri, Hooha Run, etc.

It's too late to register for the events I 'thought' I would miss for the next 2 weekends. But I would be missing 2 events that I REALLY WANT TO GO. Unless I rush back straight home. But this isn't a Melbourne-KL flight. I don't even bother to calculate the missing hours!

Kenapa kenapa kenapaaaa. Haih.
Drama seribu kali pon won't change a single thing.
That is life to you and ain't it funny.

Running in my head

Did not manage to do anything yesterday night. Got out of work late, and by then too tired to do anything.

This entry might be beneficial just to me, as I am going to write about the best moments I remember from working out. I always do this when I get stuck in a rut I can't seem to shake out of. I think the motivation I get from recycling the high of past workouts helps.

The Big Fun Run run, Sep 26th.
I wasn't really nervous about this race. Firstly, it's a 5k, a distance I'm pretty sure I could cover easily. Secondly, I'm running with my sisters, whihc means that if I was so out of shape I could easily turn this to be a fun family thing and run with them. Thirdly, I did not have any pressure on myself. No goals, no target. Of course, I wanted to run faster - who doesn't? But I'm never going to beat myself up if I didn't.

We were late to arrive; the race started at 11am (can you imagine, so late in the day?) and when we stepped foot on the park we only get to see the last of the runners shuffling away. I ran to the starting point. I was slightly disappointed; secretly I have wanted to start the race proper and run my best. After jogging with my sisters for about 1 minute feeling dejected (not to mention that I lost my Oyster card) they persuaded me to run on my own. I did not need any more push after that.

I ran. Hard. I ran. Fast. I ran. Happy. There were 2 female runners also latecomers - their pace were good, indicating that they run regularly. I followed them. My legs started to warm up. And then without meaning to I passed the girls. So many walkers at this point - the runners have all shot up 5 minutes ahead of me. I picked up pace, did not even know why I was so careless, why I didn't pace properly. All I knew is I just wanted to see how far I could run this hard, this much.

The wind was cold, my fingers numb. My heart started to burn. Somebody yelled out, "Nice form! Keep it up!" and I surged forward, harder. I realized I missed this part of myself, this identity I have left behind, unwillingly at times. The sprinter in me. I could only remember running so strong like this when I was in school. Doing mile-repeats. Vomiting water at the end of it. Happiness by the kilometers. My knees don't allow me to do this anymore. Now sometimes when I look at other female runners my age running strong I felt a twinge, thinking that I could never have that so good now. Oh well.

I slowed down a notch at kilometer 4. Just a notch. 3 weeks of being dormant. The wind was so cold by then, I can't barely feel the sweat trinkling down my back. I didn't think I sweat much. Is it going to be over already? So soon? Maybe this is why I run slow now. I hate having to end a run so fast. I want more time, to summon my old high school track team moniker - Nadia Bullet! Skinny but speedy, always steady. Always steady. My bicycle is named Steady Eddy.

When I arrived at the chute I lifted up my arms in the kind of joy only I know. Nobody took my picture; I had to ask for the goodie bag. But I was a winner already, I felt good.

Between Want and Can't

When I say General Comeback, I really meant all out, like 5 days per week minimum.

Instead, I've only managed to squeeze 1 workout since that glorious welcome home cardio. 2, if you count walking the whole of IKEA yesterday night (mild cardio) and lugging around heavy shelves, and the likes (strength training).

I thought I would freak out with this lack of exercise. I mean, losing one workout on my two workout per day used to drive me crazy. But I guess back then I was really crazy, and didn't know how to alleviate the situation. It's like a bad relationship you just didn't know how to get out of. Thank God now I'm slightly sensible. I DNS 2 events I'd already signed up and paid for... without a huge remorse. Which means I still feel remorse, but not so big.

I would say that it is all work like the rest of the fatties who complain about lack of time. But it's only 60% true. Work does take out a lot from me, but not exactly my time as much as my energy. I would arrive home so mentally exhausted than I want nothing else but to change into my ratty old pants and snuggle on my bed. Only then I realized how FREE I was before at work.

Also other things, like my apartment, and social obligations. Things like that. Heck, I'll even throw in some entertainment and my cat into the picture. They did not get any Q time with me before. I went back to one of my entries and realized that my sister has left this comment which I overlooked:

"hello i'm the long suffering sister/housemate of this bloody woman. Hardly ever see her kurus ass, all the free time she has is devoted to sports (lari la, kayuh basikal la, swimming la) and her boyfriend. We used to at least once a week watch movies, but not anymore. She's always home late from cycling trips - i feel sad :( "

So we watch movies now... and we're happy. That is, after we have our walk/run thing on Thursdays. It is a deal.

I am getting a whole lot of my officemates involved in this running thing. I like their 'n00bie'-ness: calling 5k a Marathon, thinking they're going to faint after 2k, etc. We're probably going to run together on a simple race end of this year... I'm looking at Malakoff 7k. Of course, I want to do the 12k. Legs have been itching to run lately, but I really have to be careful with them - can't use them too often or else they'd quit on me.

Comeback

What a great day for a comeback to general fitness again.

This morning, played with my snooze button a few times. After a long hibernation, I was not used to waking up at this ungodly hour just to physically exert myself. But I reminded myself of the high I will get after this is over.

It's so good meeting old friends. I actually miss the social banter I get from this group, after nearly a year of spending Saturday/Sundays with them. Not to mention the juicy gossips - which I hardly ever indulge in - that circulates while I'm not around.

The weather was good, which is a first because my only experience with this route has always been scorching hot. It was a fairly big group, which quickly separated into the Serious and the Social. I lagged behind, aware of where my fitness is.

It was a route I've been before; the day I met most of the people in this group. I remember this route well; one thing, back then to me it was laden with inclines after inclines. Secondly, the roads were under construction then. I suffered so much when I took it the first time.

It's not so bad today, even with my 2 months hiatus. I kept an easy pace, with an equally warm mindset - it's always the mindset isn't it. I don't know about you but my performance relies heavily on mindset. I could be out of it for months but could still hold on with a great mindset, but also I could be constantly fit but bonked out thanks to lack of will and spirit.

I don't really need a Powergel. I need brain food: motivation.

Anyway, there's nothing much to say. I enjoyed the whole thing. Immensely. So much, that on the long stretch of road when I was alone, I found myself belting out a song with high notes out loud AND off-key. That's how much I know I love what I'm doing - I can be my natural true self, horrible voice or not.