Wednesday, March 3, 2010

Everything But The Girl

I know I have not been dilligent in writing here, which is sort of ridiculous because I created this for the whole purpose of having a space to just vent, rant or purge about my workouts.
But I have been doing stuff, just like the rest of us runners, cyclists, ultra-marathoners, swimmers, yogis, sports lovin freak. Somehow, in between the time sapping 8 hours of work and what little time you have for workouts I have no time to actually settle and write and update.
Do any of you have a workout log? I mean, other than a blog, which is much more lengthy and personal. I do, and I am a sucker for workout logs. I remember I got a cool one for my 17th birthday when I was running for school and in the field hockey team. It had a large daily workout planner, weekly planner and finally monthly planner. I just love training schedules. I have no idea why training schedules are such a motivation for me. I could be stuck in a really boring meeting and having the time flying past me by just planning my training schedules. At my workdesk I have 12 printed sheet of the months in 2010, with large empty Day boxes so I could fill in my workouts. And then I have a workout folder (analogue, hard copy folder) on my desk where I put all my race registration forms, receipts and everything. Most of them were cutouts or ripped out pages from magazines or papers on anything about sports and fitness. Looking at them during my blah days gives me that surge or boost to work out. I mean, we all have those moments where we feel blah. All I need to do is to flip through my folder and get inspired. I wished I didn't lose this Workout Book I had when I was in high school. It was THICK and it had a picture of Gabby Reece (US Female Beach/Volleyball Super Athlete) pumping hard. Inside it were chockfuls of tips and quizzes and menus and workout plans and exercises and what have yous. I was really obsessed in high school. I woke up to repetitions and sets and went to bed with them. I think I did a lot more of resistance exercises than I do now.
The most interesting part is, I was not really a hardcore school athlete. I was only in my cross country team because a large part of the team were either from field hockey or football. Even so I usually opted out from competition. To be honest, I hated the stress of competition. For me it takes away the fun out of doing the sports. Some coaches take high school sports seriously, and I remember a couple of times where I had a hard time sleeping before a running event or a hockey tournament. I would be in jitters during the bus ride to an away game, won't talk to anyone while getting prepared, and only would loosen up after a game or a race was done. I was once chewed out by my coach for ten minutes for my 'funny mood'. I didn't realize that he was pissed and nothing he said got to me because even then I was just nervous and freaked out.  
I was definitely not a competitive athlete then.
And now... I have no idea.
Two nights ago I went on a cycling ride with a bunch of uncles. It was a hot night, humid like the heat trapped in a woman's skirt. My first time riding in the dark, I was estatic, nervous, and worried that I'd be dropped like a fly. I am too lazy to go into the details of what happened, but I was dropped going uphill, as usual, and my thighs burned and I was panting like a rabid dog. Everything that I expected to happen, happened. But it was a beautiful night ride, and I would like to remember everything about that night. It rained in the middle of it, big, fat, droplets that got into your eyes and made a wonderful tok tok tok sound on your helmet. We passed some dark back alley of a neighborhood with absolutely no source of lighting except the kaleisdoscope of our tail lights and illuminated wristbands. It was a scary setting and I wanted to be scared and waited to be spooked just for the fun of it but I was just cruising. We cycled in a unit, our huffing and puffing linking us, the whiz and burr of our wheels providing the soundtrack for the night. I remember looking up at the sky and seeing the moon so big and round and I was like... Oh my god, that's beautiful.
And then it came.
I miss running, I thought.
I miss everything there is about having that high. I have felt it when I swim, wonderful pacing with nothing but my heartbeat thumping in my ear. I finally felt it when I cycled, that feeling like you're flying on top of everyone and everything in slow motion. But I felt it the most in my running, not often, definitely not all the time, but there would be times when running just gives you that high. And I miss it.
I miss it like the desert miss the rain (chewaaaaahhh).
Day 4 since the Day of Clearance. I have no idea why I am not running yet. I am nervous it's really not funny. 


  1. OK Nadia, this weekend u can start an LSD run.

  2. are you guys doing the LSD? But I'll be in kertih for a meeting on sunday :(


    Don't think, empty your head, become a zombie, and just head out and take the first step. The more you stall, the more the inner whiner will come up with excuses.

    Works every time for me. I don't think - of how long, how far, if I'll just run or if I'll allow myself to walk - I just run. Baby steps at first, because you haven't been running for some time.

    But it will come back. Trust me, the only way to overcome this is to just R.U.N.