Water babies and relapsed knees.

There was a time when writing in here was all I could think about.

A few things happened. Like I got married. I had a knee relapse issue. Work. Life. Nothing major.

Spent a week revisiting one of my favorite release: surfing. I decided that for a post wedding retreat we would be doing something active. No lovey dovey beach poses or boring island snorkeling. A lot of my ideas were vetoed, like, hiking up Mt. Fuji, camping in Nepal, etc.

We settled on being waterbabies.

I was actually a pretty decent wave rider back in my uni days. I would spent hours baking under the sun at the beach, combing the waves for some seriously nice ride. Riding the waves gave me a great release.

Harris was a natural, once he got over the fear of being thrashed in the ocean. The waves were calm on our fist day, low tide, no barrels, easy current, gentle whitecats. His board balancing skills were zero though, and I secretly laughed inside, thanking all the yoga poses I did obediently. Once we got a hang of standing on our boards we captured quite a few nice waves together. Paddling back was torturous. I reminded myself that I have survived swimming in the ocean for roughly 2km so this SHOULD be nothing, but of course, the paddling still hurts.

During the evening we rented bicycles and spent a good 2 hours exploring trails. Both of us did not have the technical knowledge of maneuvering the dirt roads, nevertheless we survived. Our quads were thrashed but we survived.

Been running steadily now. 5.6ks every other days. My weekly mileage now would be a pretty 35k. I ran a solid 15k yesterday. This is considered good since I have not been running for yonks. My feeling towards it though still has not changed. Running to me now does not feel as good as cycling does, and I don't think it ever will. I still get pangs, still feel a twinge when I see runners or running things. But definitely cycling is more therapeutic to my mind. The long long long route with only me and my thoughts.

Running is simply just a routine maintenance. I'm not complaining though.

One thing I love every single time is the confidence I get even while still in the act. I love the fact that I can run long and steady without even breaking my stride. I love how powerful and worthy it makes me feel. No matter what I do in this world, I am simply still a person who just fucking enjoy getting her heart pumped and pumped and pumped.

There's nothing in this world more beautiful than the feeling of lactic acid build up.

Alas, all good things have to come to an end. My knees flamed up again after the run yesterday. The pain is familiar and it is telling me that I have another 6 more months of involuntary hiatus. I have no time to feel angry or frustrated; there is simply no regret in doing what I just did. The running itself is worth it. But I need this rest, I'm saving my knees for better things.

Such as straddling my faithful steed again, roughing up the big bad ass uphills.
We have a date.

run with dad

been running with the old man these days. today was no different. my first thought was, damn this man is getting better! isn't his knees supposed to be killing him? either he's getting fitter or I'm losing fitness. I opt for both. Ever since I stopped cycling for a while,I have been doing nothing. Crickets. But been picking up sports here and there. I can still kick up dirt with my sprint repeats. Great nice 5km with dad, who ran a bit too fast for my liking. Had to con him into stopping... I am not proud of that.

priorities

i guess there's only so many moments you can have before you have to redefine your focus.

People ask me if it was hard to let go. Before answering, I will always recall back the recent post I wrote about loving the cycling and what it does for me. To be honest, it was harder before the decision, not so after. I would look at all my friend's weekend's escapades with neither longing, envy nor regret. Sometimes I would confide in a friend about the immensity of what I am letting go of, and they would understand, knowing that before all of this, it was a huge part in my life. But we are meant to lose the people/things we love, because how else are we going to know how important they were to us?

exercise will always be a part of my life. but in a different way now.

I end this with one of my favorite quotes from Benjamin Button:

For what it’s worth, it’s never too late, or in my case too early, to be whoever you want to be. There’s no time limit... start whenever you want... you can change or stay the same. There are no rules to this thing. We can make the best or the worst of it. I hope you make the best of it. I hope you see things that stop you. I hope you feel things that you never felt before. I hope you meet people with a different point of view. I hope you live a life that you’re proud of and if you find that you’re not, I hope you have the strength to start all over again.

race dilemma

I planned to start my 2011 official race soon with a race I did last year and loved, but as the time comes I find myself making reasons and excuses not to go.

truth to be told, I have enjoyed the slew of continuous exercise without a goal in mind, or without having to pay a single entry fee. I was okay missing out on many other 'key' and 'A' races without a single feeling of regret or remorse. But I had in mind that I want to start 2011 with that specific race. It was short, easy, stress free and enjoyable.

Problem is: it is expensive, requires planning on the logistics and the date clashes with my friend's engagement.

Excuses excuses.

anyway, today was a good day. nearly bailed on the workout but fought the sleepiness and got ready. i had planned a short and simple workout but a friend had another thing in mind. we headed out to a mid distance, meeting no one. it was a good ride with minimal hills.

i am getting stronger. i think.

still can't decide whether to go or not for the event.

Passion

When people asked me what I do, I used to say, "I am a runner."

It took me a long time, but now when I am asked the same question, I replied with, "I am a cyclist."

Let me lay it down for you. I am not an exceptional athlete. I am known on this blog as an injured runner, running a 3 hour half marathons. I swim freestyle at a breaststroke pace. I am now just a rehabilitated weekend warrior, enjoying her time.

It is the same thing when I cycle. On average, my speed is 23-25km/h. I can't hardly sustain speeding on a flat course for more than 3 minutes. I am never the first one to arrive and never able to overtake another cyclist. After 1 year of cycling, I have improved little.

But nothing gives me the same rush.

When I love a particular sport, I love it because it makes me feel alive. It makes me feel good while doing it, after doing it, and probably a few days after doing it. I love how it organizes my life and kick starts my energy, and the burst of confidence it gives me. This ability to still do it, and do it and do it. I have loved running with all of my life. But I can't explain this love for cycling. The amazing views I get to see, the trees, the wind on my face, the people passing you by in a blur.

Most of all, I love how tough it is. I love the hot sun, the crazy headwinds, the unforgiving hills, the relentless rain. I love a ride that comes with particularly tough route or circumstances. The best rides I remembered were all rides I suffered like crazy.

This reminds me of an article I read about the original meaning of the word 'passion'. In Latin, passion is defined as to suffer, to endure, particularly in one thing that you love. If what I am doing, waking up at the wee hours in the morning, lack of sleep, dehydration, leg stiffness, hot sun, back ache, etc isn't passion, what is?

Which leads me to a favorite quote of mine:

"Anytime you add that structure to something, for me, it kills it. Think about the word 'amateur': It has its root in the Latin word 'amare', which means 'to love'--you do it for the love of the sport."
--Charles Carlson, Bicycling June 2008

Rest in peace

A cyclist friend passed away this morning, hit by a car while on the highway.

when you do these kind of sports, the circle of friend is large. many become people you know of, some people you Hi and Bye with, a few you hit off well. nevertheless, everybody is a friend.

i rode with him on many many saturdays, many many sundays, many many good long distance trips. last week, we chatted while going one uphill. always with his wife and son, a good leader and cyclist.

i didn't see how it happened. he was a good 500m behind me. it was bad, as witnessed by friends who were behind me. we were in shock. for the first time ever, nobody complained about the heat.

i keep remembering him the first time we met. my very first foray into this sport that i clearly love, this sport that have regained the top spot in my heart. he was the ride leader.

thanks for all the times riding together, rest in peace.

It's March

it has been a while and I would like to say that life is not all about the Internet.

I had a good cardio today. When I say good it usually means either I was performing, or I was struggling. This morning, I was really struggling. Have not been exercising for a month or so due to work and personal commitments. I went to Turkmenistan for work last week. Suffice to say when it becomes my home for the next three years I'm going to have to work extra hard to keep fit.

Anyway this morning it was a good strength training workout that really made my legs feel the burn. Headwinds and hills, plus a little bit of rain are always a good combo. It was quite cold though, something I didn't really like. If it's going to be cloudy please make it comfortable, not chilly. There was no sun, which is good for the skin, but for me personally bad training-wise. For the first time in a long while the hills worked me. I felt the burn like a heartache. There were moments where I had to keep myself going. All this makes me better so I was not complaining.

It is really nice to know that this used to be a serious, tough workout for me. But after a slew of really epic distances, this feels like an easy saturday boo-hoo.

Yesterday at the strength training class the instructor worked me good. We focused on the large muscle groups, working specifically the core. I like that my body awareness is improving, and slowly my body is responding. We ended the set with a tough abwork that left me screaming Uncle!

Can't wait for my first official event soon.