Longer or Faster?

I come to this question: which one is better for a newbie runner, running longer then faster, or faster, then longer?

I asked this because I was a total normal runner by default. I started to join races because I felt my running needed to be disciplined and what's better to discipline than to have a proper training goal? When I first join races, my target was simple: to complete the race running. But after getting my first qualifying medal I began to feel the teeny weeny competitiveness bug snaking its way on my shoulder and into my head. I ran the Adidas KOTR determined to get the qualifying medal.

It was then I realized the importance of speedwork and tempo runs. Those things didn't matter to me before - my 'training plan' consist of only running as long as I could so I know I would have the mental endurance to finish any race I enter. But the last leg of KOTR had me picking up speed like you wouldn't believe and my heart were pumping and I felt like dying and I remember thinking, "Oh OKAY, so this is why people do speedwork!"

I usually run about 5.5km. I bought myself a stopwatch and I was obsessed with my time. I felt sucky if I went any slower than 7 mins/km.

But during Ramadhan running fast is the last thing I could do. So I was telling myself, maybe I should concentrate on running at a longer distance... on a much slower pace. And after Ramadhan, I could concentrate on speed.

Does that make sense or is it counterintuitive?

Whatever it is, I'm doing longer, then harder.

Skinny

I think the combination of not eating sahur and running in the evening has turned me into a skinny person again. Well, it's not much of a statement since I've always been thin, but because of being thin my whole life no one ever comments on my weight - until recently. It is a problem when people comment that you are skinny - when you are already thin to begin with.

I do not plan to run today. I didn't have a proper sahur this morning, plus I was tired from a late night yesterday with my friends. But right now at the office reading my running blogs and websites my feet itch to go for a run today. I think I just might, although I have to do it around my neighbourhood, which I sometimes like and sometimes don't. I'm glad that I have become a little bit flexible with my running. Before, I could never run anywhere else but my running route. I'm a mental runner which means that I don't get bored with the same thing over and over again. Maybe that's because I've only been doing a short distance. But when you target to run for about 6km the same 1km route become a tad too boring. Neighbourhood runs works great because it gives you the freedom and options to go anywhere. Also because the routes always vary - hills and grass and more hills. The only downside to running in the neighbourhood is the whistling immature dudes in passing cars - worst when they are guys I know probably from school.

We'll just see how energized I am at the end of the day. There is a big difference when you run with fuel (sahur) and without fuel. I can vouch for it.

Teenage Angst

Yes I was an angsty teenager. I think there's still some sort of angst in here even at 25. To prove how emotional I was as a growing adult, here is an old entry I did on heartache and its relation to running. God I miss those moments when I run based on my heartache:

 Yesterday I ran twice. If in the morning the activity left me feeling physically drained, the evening it left me mentally relaxed for five minutes - and then I drained what was left of any motherfucking energy that I had.

I guess it's the thought of you that made me do such a crazy thing. I guess you always gave me the extra energy to burn. Whatever it is, while I was lacing up my sneakers the feeling did not feel normal, and while on any other days the miles seemed like an obstacle but yesterday it felt like I wasn't pushing myself enough. 

Heartache is not like any other emotions. Heartache is like a timebomb beside my spine that's waiting to explode. Every time. It's not so much of the explosion that you fear - it's the forever waiting you have to do until it explodes that just drives you on the edge. It's the pain that you knew are going to come and it's going to be so horrible that you always wish you'd never had the honour of placing your goddamned eyes on him. It makes you feel so awfully helpess in everything you wish you could just cry out and bang the shit out of any motherfucker you passed by. Heartache is always a silent killer, and while pondering about that I guess you are too, or I am, because I always feel like dying, as hopeless and as angsty as it sounds because everytime this happens to me I force myself to sleep and wish I didn't wake up six feet under.

I realized that then that the reason I didn't feel anything was because I was actually having my first ever mental run. My body was working itself very hard, but I didn't feel it because my mind was just getting warmed up. There were so many things that I want to run away from, most of all from your shadows, always lurking in my life from every possible corners and I was telling myself to leave you to run away to leave you trailing behind in misery but I guess my body wasn't prepared for it. And I was forced to stop and bend over and do the most normal thing anyone could ever do.

So I'm going to leave it like this now. That everytime this train of thought comes, everytime you come, I'm going to leave it just like that, and forget that I ever thought of you, or at least reduce it to one moment where I lace up my running shoes and run away from you harder and longer that I ever should.

Lake at Ramadhan

Finally after nearly a week of not running, I went for a nice run. In fact, I think I pushed myself to go longer than normal... and I couldn't even do that when I wasn't fasting!

 Last Wednesday I was all psyched to go for a run. Have not been running since Friday and my feet were itching. Plus all my ramadhan run so far was only 3km more or less. I'm a bit dissatisfied with the distance. I would like to think that I'm the kind of runner that runs longer rather than harder. Plus I would like to build up the mileage first and then concentrate on speed. 

 Anyway last Wednesday I knew I was sort of heading into a running disaster. I didn't have anything for sahur, only a glass of water, because I was too lazy to go down and prepare something. And during ramadhan we all leave work early - at 4pm. So that wednedsay found me at the lake at 515pm. Definitely early and definitely plenty of time for me to run slow.

 I told myself that I want to break the dreaded 5.5km curse that's been latching itself on my back for weeks now. I figured now's the time to do it since my only excuse for not being able to push it to 6.6km was because time wasnt on my side. Since I have about 2 hours to run all I can, there's no excuse to not complete it.

 The first 3 km was, as usual, hard and painful. I took it reallllly slow, I call it my Grandma speed, thanks to a grandma that I paced myself on the first time I went running 2 months back. I told myself to just concentrate on my breathing and form, and not be swayed to run faster when a runner rushes past. I tend to do that; follow a faster runner's pace when they run past me. It's a default setting in my feet or something.

 The last 1.1km felt like a congratulatory lap. I was patting myself on the back the whole way - I'd actually added one more lap to my stagnant mileage in ramadhan... and it was scorching hot! It was so hot that I could feel the sweat turning warm under my tshirt.

 My left ankle hurt during this run. 

 I didn't run on thursday.

 But I went running today, and for the first time ever I was actually happy to see the overcast sky. I've always loved running with the sun shining... I like it that I sweat more and my joints don't hurt as much when it is hot outside. But I was really suffering on my wednesday run - with the lack of fuel and dehydration afterwards - that I was actually grateful when the sun was hidden behind a thick cloud. And it wasn't the kind of grey that I dislike - it was just... not scorching hot. 

 I took it slow this time around too, telling myself to enjoy the run and not focus so much on the time, but on completing 6 laps. And it was such a great run; I didn't even feel tired or burned out even after 3km. I think the macaroni goreng I ate during sahur helped as well. It was only in the last lap when I ran faster that I started to feel my heart gasping for air. I love it when you get to feel a great run like this. My legs hurt all the time though... but I wasn't mentally down or huffing and puffing. In fact, I felt like I could do more. But I didn't.

 So this week, 12km total... or to be really accurate, 13.2 km. I'm happy with the distance...well, I would love to hit the 20km mark like the weeks before, but I'll take 13.2 km over 9 measly km/week... like last week.

 On a different note, yesterday watched my boyfriend on his futsal friendly against the malaysian team. The team came in an impressive contigent eventhough it was a friendly; with the coaches and the net of balls, and all the players decked out in malaysian jerseys. Their warm up was a crowd puller too - they were systematic and efficient, hardly any balls straying off the path or bouncing away from the team. Their goalies were good as well, as opposed to my boyfriend's team's goalie, who was still smoking at the goalpost. His team's warmup was haphazard too, one guy doing leg stretches and another bending his back and another jogging in place. You could see the comparison in experience and teamwork. I think any team, with proper discipline and teamwork would be a smashing success.

 But some of the players were not professional though. Of course our team lost - the malaysian players, aside from being efficient with the setting of goals and what not, were confident and brazen, buoyed by the fact that they are wearing the malaysian jersey. My boyfriend's team, on the other hand, were nervous and strung out, stressed and pressed to score or at least create a scare in the opponent's defense den and create an impression. 

 During the last few minutes of the second half, as my boyfriend were hassling the guy who was possessing the ball, he inadvertently elbowed my boyfriend on the mouth. It was a cheap blow - and it was as obvious to everyone who was watching. My boyfriend cried out in protest, and for a moment stared at the guy for a while. I could tell he was fighting the urge not to fight back, as most guys would. I mean, an elbow to the mouth - even I would be pissed, and no contact was made even. He wisely turned and stalked out of the game. Later when we came to him I found out that the right side of his face was swollen like a big fat wiener. His lips were busted... and there was a gash on the upper lip. His t-shirt were bloody and you could see his whole face puffing up.

 I thank God he was game enough to be civil when he shook hands with his attacker.

First Ramadhan Run

My first Ramadhan run went ok. Actually it went good.

I took it slow, and the route I took was a simple 3.23km around my neighbourhood with some uphills. The sun was blisteringly hot, the weather you would expect at the beachside with clear blue skies. The first few cars looked at me like I was crazy. Nobody runs under the sweltering hot sun at 530 in the evening! But to be honest I like running when the sun is shining. I sweat more and I like it because it's something I'm used to. Heat is something I grew up with, therefore I find nothing wrong with a drenching workout. I hate running when the weather is cold or windy and the sun is hidden by the clouds. Sometimes when I have a late start, at 630pm and the sky was cloudy or overcast I feel a little bit sad. I like to have the sun shining on my face and warming my back as I run.

Trying to run again today. But careful not to hurt my left knee. Yesterday at the end of the run it hurt quite a bit that I had to hobble.

I bought another running shoe yesterday. When I first started I had only one: a New Balance 408. And then I left it at my parent's house so I had to buy a cheap pair - Reebok Premier Pheonix. Yesterday I left that pair in the car that my sister was using so I bought another cheap pair - Reebok Premier Smoothfit Cushion. Personally, I like the third one. It's very cushiony and just snug - doesn't bite into my toes like my New Balance does. The guys in the store were trying to make me buy an Asics but I prefer to take my time when it comes to buying a seriously expensive shoes. I plan to get a good running shoe when I go to Singapore as they have a better, greater selection. But for the time being I think these 3 pairs are enough. I have one at my parent's home, one in the car (mobile), and one at home.

Running in Uni

I haven't been running for 5 days.

Most runners fear gaining weight when they stop running. I fear losing my stamina and endurance. Unlike most people, I don't really seem to 'enjoy' enjoy running - I only like the after effect of running, that feeling when you feel invincible and able to do anything. That was my pure motivation when I was in uni, lacing up my running shoes (a cheap Power bought in Giant with my scholarship money, no less) in the evenings while my friends either watched downloaded series or napped or watched boys playing football.

I used to run in the mornings as well too. I was an early morning runner when I was in high school. My dad and I and mom would go to the lake that I run now and we'd be doing a couple of rounds. Running in the morning is the best feeling. You just feel more energized plus the whole world is slowly waking up. There's nothing more beautiful for me.

In uni I would run straight after Subuh. I remember there was this senior dude who always run too. We would be running in opposite directions and I would secretly look at him because he was kinda cute. I think we were silent running partners for over a year. Then my subjects got really tough and I slept later than I would and would run in the evening. It's not so good because that means boys are around playing football and the really naughty ones would cat call you or just tease you while you run.

But all throughout I always have a love-hate relationship with my running. Somedays I dread it, some days I couldn't wait to do it. Sometimes I hate it even while doing it - this usually means that the whole run would be a mental one as I would be struggling to complete the distance - and the would be other times, very rare though, that my legs just feel loose and my knees don't hurt an my mind singing. I love it when that happens.

One thing I love and hate about myself when I run is that I never give up. If I've started to run 5km, for example, this means there will be no turning back. I could never go back to less than 5km unless I'm doing speed intervals or the likes. Sometimes I get tired even at 2km. The moment I get tired, I know it's not going to stop. It is then that I find myself thinking, "Let's just do 4km. I could stop this." But I would push myself hard to do 5km because I know the end result is highly rewarding. I've beaten the odds. I've actually challenged myself.

This is what I felt when I ran my first 10k. I haven't been running properly for a year until then. I took up other sports: since last year I've been doing kickboxing, swimming and badminton religiously every week. Then I found out that a friend I used to run with did the marathon and I got such a jealousy kick. I mean, I've ran with her. And look at her, doing a mara. I searched the internet and instantly registered myself to 3 running events that july. I was filled with the vigor of such an overwhelming level. I felt like I wanted to leap out of my office chair and run.

But I ran only twice that week. And it was only 3 km I think. Then I went to Thailand and bungeed jump. When I went back, I only ran twice for 4km. I was still gaspng for air.

Then I ran my first 10k.

The race was horrible, and my legs screamed after the first 10 minutes. Uphills were torturous, and I think my pace were as slow as a snail. I paced myself behind a lot of other women, sometimes overtaking them, most of the time being left behind. And, then, about 4km to the finish line or so, I couldn't quite explain it, my body just felt lighter. It was such a noticeable difference, like swimming into the colder parts or the sea, and I felt my legs sprung to life. I ran faster than I could imagine at a pace I usually reserve for the last 200m of my running.

I got the qualifying medal.
I spent the whole day riding the wave of my euphoria.

It's ramadhan, and it's a wonderful month to be in. I had such a fine Ramadhan last year that I'm all happy about celebrating it this year. If you put aside the fact that you can't eat/drink, this holy month has such an upbeat, warm feeling to it. I owe a lot of my positive outlook to the ramadhan month, specifically last ramadhan. My life wasn't too great the past few years becaue of some emotional problems I was going through but during ramadhan I decided to buck up and focus on what's important and even though it sounds cheesy, but I'll just write it anyway: there is a reason for everything, and God knows what He is doing and everything is already pre-ordained for you. There is nothing to be sad about.

Running today. Kinda looking forward to it. Actually, really looking forward to it. But we'll see how I feel at 4pm!

urgh

I seem to be losing things, or misplacing them. More so lately than ever before.

My wristwatch is missing. I use it to time my run. The last place I remember seeing them was beside the laptop in my room. I have no idea where it is now.

My passport was misplaced too.

My lower back hurts like hell. It's the sort of pain that is fiery and hot and numb and soaring. If I could illustrate it, you could see a red hot pulsating band circling my lower back. Oh yes.

My left knee hurts too. When I clench my thighs you could feel them hurt under my kneecap.

I think I'm going for an early run just to get rid of all these negativeness.