the closet sports freak

January-February

2012-02-03T17:46:00.000-08:00

Aside from the one week off from workout due to neck/shoulder pulls, here's the menu:

Monday: 5.5k

Tuesday: SS

Thursday: 5.5k, SS

Friday: SS

Saturday: Swim 1.5k

Sunday: Bike, SS

Things have been great. That one week off really put me in a blue mood. But I guess I needed the time off to reflect and rest. I was showing off - too much - in fact in my SS class.

This morning went for a super slow 5.5k run. Time taken: 42 minutes. Actually it is not slow at all in my book. But my definition of super slow comes from the perceived effort. I wasn't struggling, my breath was not labored at all. My legs were ok, I was enjoying the pavements and saying hi to the dogs and their owners. I wish I could take one of the dogs out for a run.

I wish my cats could run with me.

My upper body felt sore from the heavy and challenging workout yesterday. 90 minutes of body weight conditioning. SS, how much do I love thee? So my legs get the workout today.

Last week visited a Chinese Tit Tar. Never heard of it? Neither had I, until last week. Tit Tar apparently means Bone Setters. That guy, Erik did really cool stuff on my neck and shoulder, basically, he put on some 'exorcist' moves on me. I've never heard my bones crack so much, or in another way, how out of position my spine is. It was cool. And I felt so much better.

2012 Goals

2012-01-22T00:36:00.000-08:00

My fitness goals for 2012 are simple:

1) Run continuously, or on and off, or sparingly - it doesn't matter. As long as you still run. 5k per run is enough to lube your joints.

2) Cycle. Because you can and because the hills are alive... with the sound of music.

3) Swim because no matter how slow you are, you can always outlast the speediest swimmer.

I will always do my swim, bike, run. Just not competitively, just not socially. I run on my own these days, at a park 100m from the house in USJ 2. I run 5.5km once a week, twice or thrice on a good week. I still cycle, only on weekdays, with only one person who has sort of became my coach. Sometimes I hate him; he pushes me when I don't feel like being pushed, but after it ends I feel buzzed. We mostly enjoy the conversations about nutrition, sports, workouts, and sometimes personal life. I hardly swim, but when I do it's like I never stopped. My pace is steady and slow, and I usually daydream and daydream until I have done a 2k.

I have been obsessive about a new kind of workout these days - my SS routine. I think I love it because it's so ACCESSIBLE. Running used to be the most accessible sport I knew - you can do it anywhere with minimal stuff - but now SS trumps running. It is essentially the EASIEST, most accessible workout you can ever do - you only need 2 hours max. You don't need the outdoors, you don't even need clothes on.. well, my point is you can do it in the buff and no one knows and you'd still get a fucking good workout.

And I mean it. I'm no stranger to endurance sports. I love a sweat session as much as the next runner. I love the lactic acid burn and the heat in your lungs. I've felt them all too. That's what I meant - you still get it, from the comfort of your home.

I sound like a bad marketing spiel. Or a cult member.

Lately, I have been focusing waaay too much on SS (stretching and strengthening). It's so easy to skip my running or anything outdoors in favor of SS because I sweat the same, feel exhausted the same and don't have to worry about doing the laundry or leaving the house. Also, the workout is really good for Type-A, competitive person like me. It's challenging. It has you using your body weight and twisting and lifting them back and forth. You can't skip a pose and you cannot proceed if you don't nail this one. And have I mentioned that most of the times all I had on was my underwear? Too much info I know! Well, nobody reads this anyway heheh

But the point of having a healthy lifestyle is balance, and balance is what I seek. I still enjoy running, especially after the run. I still love tackling hills on my wheels. I love swimming, or doing karate and rollerblading. I still want to do all that in 2012, probably for the next few years. Harris is also on a sports mode, taking up muay thai and getting obsessed with that too. Between our workouts and work, we hardly have time for each other. So we proceed to be home for dinner, and stay in for a movie night. Sometimes we camp in the living room, making pillow forts (what can I say... we're still in our 2o's, childless). I have started sewing again, making bags, pillowcases, hopefully working on making my own clothes again. I took a creative writing course, just finished it, which was fun and enlightening. So balance is good.

So there you have it, my goal for this year. Oh, aside from mastering the 5 minutes Headstand (without the wall support and with pelvis aligned, of course) I also want to run a couple of races.

2 New Hills

2012-01-08T15:50:00.000-08:00

Yesterday we went for a simple ride.

The same route, same hills, only he added 2 new ones. Cycling with my coach/riding buddy is a love and hate thing. I loooove it when it is over or if I was faster and stronger that day, but I hate it because he always make me feel like I wasn't good enough. While climbing a particularly steep hill, I was struggling and he pointed out that we were only going at 7km/h! And to make matters worse, he did not bring any water with him whereas I had to stop and drink a Livita.

We also got chased by dogs. That was a funny moment. I thought I was going to be dead because damn it, my legs did not need the extra speedwork! But luckily the dogs stopped chase after a while.

I came back and did 2 hours of SS workout. And now my arms are supersore. But my legs felt really good during the 2 hour session. I think I need the running and cycling to prepare me for these sessions. I always thought I can do without.

Giving Back while Getting Sweaty: The Pet Project Malaysia 2012

2012-01-04T15:57:00.000-08:00

Here's an interesting event I believe all of us weekend warriors would benefit in this Saturday: The Pet Project Malaysia 2012.

"The Pet Project Malaysia is a 12-hour “Get Active” marathon comprised of dance, fitness and sports-based classes taught by internationally renowned presenters along with performances from Malaysia’s most promising young talents.

Aside from the MAIN EVENT (our master classes and performances), participants can also visit our sports carnival, playground, silent auction, rock climbing wall, rugby drills, a 2-hour workshop by Jojo Struys, self defense classes, animal welfare talks, football nutrition talks, face painting, Asia's largest football card montage, food & beverage stalls, sponsors & partners booths, merchandise booths and of course our NGO booths."

I find this event to be highly refreshing. Charity events usually don't get the highlight they need because the public tend to find them boring and only cater for specific interest groups, but this effort by the Petfinder and the animal welfare groups should be applauded. To combine the concept of getting active while giving back to animals - these two things really really appeal to me. I only found out about this yesterday and was surprised that I didn't know about this before!

I think this would be a fun event to go with your kids or if you're an animal lover and really really are concerned with the plight of these animals or just needed a cheap way to learn something new (one class or pass to a class is only RM 25). Believe me, no one paid me to advertise, I just feel strongly for a good event like these.

Some of the NGOs are PAWS, SPCA, S.C.R.A.T.C.H, etc. These are good people who really really gave their time to save these animals. Of course, I have a personal affection for PAWS. I volunteered there a couple of times during uni. It broke my heart seeing those cats, but I was glad I did it.

So, come on, let's go!

Malakoff Run

2011-12-17T20:21:00.000-08:00

I wished the hills didn't have to go down, because I had to walk.

Ran with my dad, went after Subuh, and parked alongside the road. We had about 20 mins to warm up and stuff and I felt so thirsty. I was a bit worried but then I've had workout sessions when I was absolutely parched and survived so it was ok. Left my dad after my time was called, wished him good luck, not without asking him to calm down and stop running if his knees hurt. What can I say, like father like daughter.

I love this route. I know what would come so I know exactly how my pacing should be. Initially I wanted to run at race pace but my knees absolutely won't let me have it. the first hill up was good, and so were the other hills. The killer one was the last steep at the junction. I ran all the way, only shuffling - that's my term for not really walking not really running hahah taknak kalah - downhills. Urgh, I wish I could run.

This race justifies that I am a cyclist not a runner. The hills felt so much easier on wheels. This wasn't the case when I was running. I cycled this route up and felt that running was much more easier because you can control your leg power and your thighs don't get murdered. But now since I cycle up hills so often running uphills felt labored! at least cycling there's a coasting period downhill. Easy on the knees too.

I didn't pace anyone, just went on my way alone. I upped the pace at the last 500m but I knew it was a lost case in terms of timing. Water stations were aplenty, the guys friendly and the race well organized I must say. No MILO!! WHY?

Dad did well, same timing. Well, that's the best we can do with moody knees. I came back and did an hour long stretch, complete with a headstand. WOOT.

Other Runners

2011-12-15T19:31:00.000-08:00

For no apparent reason, been excited to start looking at running events again. Maybe it's chatting with other runners, maybe it's just boredom, or maybe I got my groove back, or maybe it's because I have money to spare.

At SS class today I chatted with another runner, a lady with bad knees too. I knew her through the SS class, but because of running we become chatting buddies. We discussed bad knees, running events, organizers, water stations, hilly routes, anything about running you could ever imagine, even FMVs and running in sarongs. Needless to say, all these talking make me miss running. It was so nice to have a talk with someone who understands the addiction, who knew what it feels like to miss miles when training for races. But we both have fallen under the category of runners who couldn't care less - who will run when they feel like it, training be gone.

Anyway to be honest I am kind of addicted to my SS class. There's something about having to nail each and every tough poses that kind of keeps me hooked. I like the relation between the SS practice and life. In SS you can never force your body into doing something they just wouldn't and it's knowing when to hold back that is valuable. Because I was trained to be competitive with myself and between peers, sometimes I do not know when to reign it in. Injury sets in. I'm trying to listen to my body more by giving it the freedom to play a lot of sports without setting myself to any hard specifics.

Two weeks of annual leave! What do you think I would do - cycle of course!! And a lot of other sports again. Thank God for this ability.

Weekend Workshop

2011-12-12T18:31:00.000-08:00

This weekend I had fever, and also an amazing workshop.

Have been anticipating this workshop for a month or so. It was led by one of the prominent figures in the world of Strengthening and Stretching, although she hailed from a strong Yoga background. The workshop ran for 2 hours each on Saturday and Sunday. I've been prepping myself for the workshop by practicing some of the poses that I thought she would have on the class, just so I wouldn't have a hard time working on it.

The Saturday class started off with the normal series of poses, all which were too familiar for me yet under her breathing instructions I was struggling. She had asked all of us on our injuries and our rehabilitation goals and silently she worked the class adjusting our poses; opening our hips, chests, torso, etc. For the past few months I have been nursing this sore and tender pain at the fold of my left thigh which now I know to be called as Pectineus Muscle and they tend to flare up during a particularly active week. It is also affecting the nerves at the back of my leg, especially in poses where I have to do a deep squat. In the workshop while I was doing a Fish Pose with a Lotus, she came over and pressed down on my left knee, saying that my left hip is tight. And THAT is the reason behind every single aches and pains of my left leg. In the fight between the knees and hips, the hips will always win and this tightness in my left hip causes the my left knee to rotate unnaturally. Hence, knee pain.

Ever since I've been doing the SS class religiously, I've noticed that all other sports sorta takes the backseat. Previously, I balanced running, swimming and cycling together to create a harmonious effect - swimming for my breathing, running for my stamina and endurance and cycling for strength - but after being hooked to the simple systems of SS I find that I get all three including flexibility. Of course, you can't replace the sheer extremeness of speed workouts of running in this, but you do get very very sweaty, and tired, in SS. If I tried doing the complete one series (which is about 40++ poses), it would take me about 2 hours, and that is minus 10+ poses I couldn't do yet.

Anyway, the reason I was mulling about it is that I've signed up for yet another running event this month. I haven't been running since MPSJ. I do get worried since it is a hilly route, and to think that I've stopped all other forms of exercise. I am not worried about my fitness base; I worry on sustaining the speed I set for the timing I want. If I didn't have any expectations, I wouldn't even bother. I guess it's either to start running or stop having expectations.

Till the next time, or run, or swim or cycle or SS!

MPSJ Run

2011-12-05T02:31:00.000-08:00

I had a great time.

Probably because the event location is just 5 minutes walk from our home. And it's a 10k, my favorite distance. (To be honest right now 21k is a marathon distance!) And it's small, so I bet there will be Milo (I thought wrong. So disappointed.)

The race started out nice and light. Saw no one famous, except for an ex ironman and his hot young thing, but I saw a lot of schoolmates and teachers from my school. We all live in the same area after all. The course had no serious incline, only very minor false flats, but one puny downhill. I started out targeting my pacers. After 3km, saw this lady who kept a very even pace - even during small downhills. She was so even, I got so relaxed. I ran by her side long enough to realize she might be annoyed with me, so I struck out a conversation. I told her I've been pacing her. We ended up deciding to run together so I could pace correctly and she could run faster at the end (my idea - told her let's pick up a few 100ms before)

The route was nice - one big loop around major usj areas. the downside of knowing the route is that you know when it's going to end and at one point I was dying to stop knowing it's still far away. I made a promise to run the whole 10km to see if I still have the stamina. The traffic was light and water stations plenty but kept small - a few times crowds were bigger than the water station (1 table). One junction was unpatroled (spelling? or does this word even exist?) thank God there were no cars.

When we reached the last 300m, I decided to run a little bit faster. My knees were hurting at that point and so were my ankles. I crossed the line at 62 minits. Not my best timing and despite the fact that I should be happy with the fact that it does not suck my ego still wish I could hit lower than 60minutes. don't we all.

The bad news is that I have overworn my five fingers. The toes are out of their toe sockets and thank god i have a spare ff. I realized that I've been using them for nearly 3 years. What a good investment since I don't really need to change them often. Harris wants me to run wearing shoes but I have grown so accustomed without them I just couldn't.

Anyway, I had a good SS session last Saturday. I am serious about it being one of the hardest sports in the world. I have newfound respect for yogis, dancers, or gymnasts these days. Too often we endurance athletes think that our sports is the cream of the crop, but seriously. One of my favorite athlete, who is a triathlon coach and a top triathlete for her age group in the states (she did so well for the ironman kona) said that she picked up pole dancing after her racing season as an 'active rest' and she was so blown away by the difficulty level. Imagine doing the 'flag' - where your body is parallel to the pole, arms straight. Kau mampuuuu??

T-2 days

2011-12-01T20:12:00.000-08:00

Can you tell that I am excited? Probably because it is the first event in this year. It's not a big event, more to a small neighborhood run, but nevertheless I am looking forward to run with the crowd.

Bad news is, my left knee is feeling the pain. Oh well, old stuff, isn't it. Truth to be told I'm sort of used to it. I had planned to run last thursday and monday but since the pain was there I decided to not risk it and concentrated on some other cardio. The last thing I need is to hobble in pain the whole of Sunday run. That will not be a great first event of the year.

Today during SS class we made a whole lot of good progress. I am particularly proud of myself for getting this far. The most obvious improvements are the fact that my upper body strength has doubled and my hamstrings are not tight anymore. I am also much more energized and aware of my physical abilities and limitations in running, cycling, etc. Ok, I sound like I am in a cult.

So to compensate for not running for the looming event, I plan to:

1) swim (this benefits my cardio)

2) light cycling on light gears (this will just prepare my legs - or it can aggravate the knee.)

We'll see how it goes!

Good bit: At the end of the SS class, the instructor told us to forgive someone we never even think of forgiving, that perhaps, by forgiving that person, we can focus our concentration instead to get better in our sports. What a good piece of advice!

Obsession

2011-11-29T23:10:00.001-08:00

Last night was SS class. As always, 90 minutes felt like... 20 minutes. I am starting to get really obsessive with this, just like I was obsessed with every other sports I happen to try. When I first started swimming, I got so obsessed I literally had this software of a dude swimming in place in my laptop. You click on it and see him from top, side and front, to see the perfect quadrant and his alignment and stroke and what not. I watched probably millions of youtube videos on how to improve my body roll, bilateral breathing, etc etc.

When I got obsessed with cycling I read cycling biographies a lot. I wasn't as obsessed with the techniques of this sport like I was with swimming, but I would get excited looking at videos of cyclists doing their long distance rides. What appealed about cycling was what running once appealed to me - the suffering through the long distance. It wasn't about speed - I will never be fast - but it was more to how long I could hold on and the triumph I felt at the end. Cycling has trumped running to be my number one relaxing outdoor sport and will always remain.

I got obsessed with karate too. I was also obsessed with kickboxing. I was obsessed with in-line skating. All of them now has been reduced to sports I play when I have all the time in the world a.k.a annual leave. Nevertheless I love all of them for different, unique reasons.

One of the things I love about SS class is the rooting at the end of the class. After 90 minutes is over, we were asked to sit and reflect and let go of all arrogance that visited us when we were doing the poses. This was an amazing concept because I am highly competitive and always trying to be the best. This reminder forces me to focus only on myself and not other people. Sure enough the moment I felt chuffed about nailing some tough poses I lost my balance and falter, or fell altogether. The instructor always starts the class by asking us to find our intention. "If today your intention is to be more humble with this practice, with your strength and flexibility - then do so." I love it.

I have registered myself to a couple of running events! It's going to be crazy and I'm sure I couldn't sleep well. It's been more than a year since I last ran socially. It has been 8 months since I last rode in a group too. Sometimes I miss it; there's no pressure, always for the scenery and social banter, but the time sucking doesn't sit well with my 'new' life. I am equally happy to be riding in a group of two, enjoying conversations.

Recap

2011-11-28T17:02:00.000-08:00

Thursday: 5.5k run. Felt kinda dragging, was really exhausted the whole day but just wanted to get in some kms.

Friday: SS class. As always, rocked it. Loves it. Managed to nail some intensely advanced poses YAY.

Saturday: 1k swim. Could have - would have - done more but needed to to harris up from work.

Sunday: Missed the ride and slept instead. BAD!

Monday: Missed the run and... cleaned the whole house instead. SCORE!

On Track

2011-11-22T17:38:00.000-08:00

I blamed it on this advert I saw on Youtube. An normal, homey looking guy woke up dead in the morning and said, "I have a choice, a choice to either stay in and sleep, or wake up and run." He went on about what happened if he lost out that chances. Needless to say I was inspired.

Monday morning and I roused up early at 545. It was hard, but I tell myself that this is the only time in the day I could squeeze in my exercise, and if I don't want to hate my sluggishness afterwards I have to do this and do IT. So I got up and did my prayers, and rounds of Sun Salutations. Sun Salutations are a great warm up tool, after 10 sets of them I was sweating. The run started out fabulously because I was warmed up. I ran and ran and just enjoyed the darkness and the walking aunties, so disciplined in their daily routine. I finished running and cooled down with a couple of stretches. Awesome.

Revved up the whole day.

Tuesday: SS class. This time around, I was less competitive and more intuitive. I made myself focus on only me, how I feel, what I could do, instead of comparing myself against others - I tend to do that a lot lately because I just wanted to be the best. That made me lose focus on the class and I did not improve. Last night though, it was great. Closed my eyes, and concentrated on working my self hard.

No Competition

2011-11-10T22:58:00.000-08:00

Tuesday: SS class. It was insane. I hate it that I am naturally competitive with myself. I get mad that I couldn't do certain things.

Thursday: Ran a normal 5.4k. It was low key and I was a bit tired from lack of sleep and a heavy day at work.

Friday: SS class. I was drenched. Nothing to say except that I want to be good at this fast... all for the right reason.

I keep telling myself to not let my ego gets in the way. When I was a fast runner, I was a little bit too chuffed. And now I can't never ever get that speed again without being in a wheelchair afterwards. When I was at my 'peak' in cycling, I got a little bit too heady too, and then got into that accident where originally I planned to smoke people up the hills. We never got to go that hill, cause I crashed. And after a long break, I am slowly getting back to that level.

Now my SS class. I signed up for the first series out of the six series and it's challenging. If you can do all the poses well, you can advance to the next level. But these poses are hard. They require you to engage body parts you wouldn't even imagine could be engaged, and sometimes your mind can't do them. I am told to come to the class with an open positive mind but sometimes I get disheartened... and it's supposed to HEAL me.

I guess it comes to my intention. Do I do these sports so I could show off to people, or for myself and my health? After taking up the SS class, I try to reassess my goals and intention, everytime. It's easy to let your ego gets in the way. I guess I was a little bit into my head, trying to master all the sets just because if I did, it's considered awesome. And that's the reason why I never could.

Anyways, looking forward for a great sports filled weekend.

mental block

2011-11-07T20:40:00.000-08:00

my biggest enemy thus far is my own mental block.

I only noticed it so much after taking up the strengthening class. In it, we are asked to do thousand of setups that require us to trust our bodies and self. Especially on the arm balancing part. So many times before a particular inversion pose - headstand, forearm stand, etc - I would literally say NO. Even when the instructor is holding me and guiding me I would whimper - no! - and then after much cajoling I got the guts to lift my legs up.

The same thing applies to my cycling. During one of those treacherous routine of doing hill repeats it would be so easy for me to say NO and stop. I had to bark at myself inside to man up and repeat this drill even if I puked.

I find it hard to have the discipline to challenge myself. And which is why, joining the strengthening and stretching class is the best decision I ever made. Everytime, I have to challenge myself to break my own record. It is myself against myself. I love this, slowly competing against my own worst enemy.

Didn't do much the weekend. Failed to go running while Dad sneakily went cycling (cheater!). Routine ensues again this week, insyaAllah.

chasing the rain and sunset (and maghrib)

2011-11-02T20:11:00.000-07:00

Yesterday as I got off work I was like, "YOU MEAN IT'S NOT RAINING?"

I quickly drove home, despite the traffic and everything, it still wasn't raining. I wanted to run! It was already nearly dark when I got home, with the looming cloud and everything, probably 635pm. I was still ecstatic that it wasn't raining. I changed and just as I was out of the gate, started to run.

The feeling of being able to run after what it felt like ages of not running was awesome. My steps were springy, I felt blight and flighty, I was nearly humming. I ran behind a high school boy wearing the tshirt that says Mont Kiara FC. No doubt he was keeping fit. I made a bet with myself that he could only last about 6 loops max since most guys I know who are non runners can only last for 3km. So it began. We outpassed each other a few times before true enough, he got tired.

I was always conscious of how my legs feel during a run. This time I assessed how they felt. I am happy to report that the usual knee pain and ankle have all but disappeared (albeit a bit on the inside, just a tinge) and instead I still had a strong running form. The sky was getting dark, many people have left. But I was adamant to run 10 loops to make it a normal 5.5k. I am starting to love running in this usj area. It ain't hilly like ss19, but much more peaceful.

I was also chasing the rain and the sunset. I love to play this game; when you push push and push before the sun sets or the rain falls. An automatic interval. I think I ran a little bit faster than I would. I still feel strong, in fact I could have gone on longer. This could be the only time it doesn't rain! I told myself. I was really loving the run.

When I finished, the rain was dancing softly on the roads, the streetlights were on, and the muezzin was calling out the prayer. It was such a beautiful feeling, and I am grateful I got to do this.

Signed up

2011-11-02T00:53:00.000-07:00

Despite what I said, signed me and my dad up for a couple of running events. Nothing fancy, something small. Dad's knees hurt, so I'm giving him the steel bike for him to ride so he rests his knees.

Yesterday night's strength session was so good. My arms were shaking, vibrating and crumbling under the pressure. I sweated buckets.

Wanted to run this morning but woke up too late. Will try to run after work today but with how the weather is these days... i don't think so.

Riding Coach taught me the basics of bike servicing and maintenance. Simple, easy stuff even 'you're that kind of cyclist' person like me could handle.

thursday - sunday

2011-10-31T20:56:00.000-07:00

Thursday: stretching/strengthening class. Since it was only 3 of us and we were all regulars, the instructor had us do way complex poses that really scared me. One was the forearm stand, and I toppled somewhat ungracefully. That was scary!

Saturday: Gentle bike ride (12k) and a run (3k) - brick session - with harris.

Sunday: Bike ride with hills. 32k, 8 hills.

My mom asked me - are you training for something? and my answer was, "Yes, for my health!"

Sore Body

2011-10-26T21:42:00.001-07:00

My whole body is sore! Especially the uppder body region.

Tuesday night: an awesome but intense stretching/strengthening session. We went at a slightly fast paced movements with extra long hold between poses. I was sweating buckets just at the 5 minute warmups. Wasn't really flexible on that day and the instructor suggested that maybe I was unkind to someone :( That scared the crap out of me.

Wednesday: Skipped my morning run (it has become quite easy for me to skip my runs.... oh no!) in favor of a swim instead. With my upper body completely trashed, I proceeded to torture them more by doing a 1k swim drills. Nothing major though. Swimming is one area where I didn't really worry about how fast I am going. Probably because it is always me in that pool.

Work is piling up. I look forward for exercise to keep me in check.

Training Vs Riding

2011-10-20T23:10:00.000-07:00

This morning he said to my gasping for air face, "Now you know the difference between simply riding and training." Most cyclists, have impressive mileage. We can ride 70km++ with hills and make it back, tired but accomplished. Most cyclists, are fast - on flats. But simply training will tire you out completely.

Today we did only 8km+. For one hour. And I was so tired.

I admit I wished I didn't give up at one point. On the third set he was pushing me harder, and I tried to sustain it until we reached the end, but I just did not have it it me so I stopped. And a few seconds later I regretted doing that. Was it because I am not training for a race? Because I didn't register for anything? Thus making me automatically lazy for pushing myself to break the edge? My riding buddy has never entered any event but he didn't use that excuse.

I think that's what differs a real athlete and normal weekend warriors. We want to enter events and 'train' but we don't want to take the fun out of it. Why should we, since it's not like we are sponsored anyway right? That would be the answer.

I go back and forth. I just wrote here a few days ago about wanting to just ride but alas there I was this morning learning tricks and trade of proper riding. At first I was wondering if I should tell him that I just want to ride, but then again I do not want to lose a riding friend - he didn't wake up early to just go for a ride with me chit chatting about work and crap - we can do that in a larger group ride. So I followed his crazy instructions.

And I will see if I really do improve. I used to think that I was somewhat fair cyclist; I climb hills with gutso and can do real long rides without any base mileage. But that was because I love hills and do regular cross training, come to think of it, most runners can survive riding and climbing. But how fast and how good you ride without bonking is a whole different matter.

And that doesn't simply rely on weekly rides with makan2 stop in between.

Wednesday Run

2011-10-19T18:16:00.000-07:00

Yesterday my run nearly didn't happen.

There was no electricity, and as I was about to head out of the gate I realized I can't open the damn thing. Electric gate, duh.Harris didn't tell me where the key for the small access is, so I was stuck stewing inside feeling sorry for myself. Just as I was about to text him a totally sorry message, we got the electricity again.

The park nearby harris's house is small and runners friendly. Two laps equal 1k so I decided to run 10 to give me my usual weekly mileage. I happen to like running in a loop very much. In my high school and university running days, I prefer to lace up my shoes and let them take my feet and body wherever. I would run and run for hours enjoying the scenery. But now that I am working, I realized I like having a route that I know the distance of and could give me a basic workout when needed. I do not have the time, nor patience, to run anywhere and let the experience of running takes over. Running in a loop allows me to get the distance without any hassle of figuring out the traffic or route, etc.

My knees and ankle sometimes hurt during the run, and I've learned to not let them psycho me out to stopping. Instead I focus on adjusting my running form, or gait, trying to see which one makes the pain disappear. Most of the times they do disappear, and sometimes, like yesterday, they were stubborn. I have evolved to a point where pain is pain and I just went on. I wouldn't have done this if I didn't have a stretching and 'healing' class every Thursday. The stretches I had to do in that class really works my ankle and I was like, padan muka!

My next plan if I could is to try to take my bike out for a spin around the neighborhood. I have tried once before with my eddy and it was a hairy nightmare as we live near a school and cars were a plenty in the evening. My riding buddy advocate on riding the bike at least for 2km daily just to maintain muscle memory. 2km, I can do, so I would want to try to take out my trusty old steel bike so it wouldn't be so hard to stop since the pedals aren't for clipped shoes.

Speaking of bikes, I haven't been 'servicing' them for a loooong time. Apparently my big plan to convert my husband to a triathlon monster thus become my bike mechanic failed miserably. I guess I'm stuck to having a relationship with the boys from the bike shop.

Pushing Limits.

2011-10-18T23:09:00.000-07:00

It rained last Monday. So I did not swim.

Tuesday was my strengthening and stretching class. I love this class. So different the the usual rougher version of exercising - no v02 max, max speed, etc - but all about body awareness and relaxation.

It was only me and the instructor, so we decided to try out several poses that normally wouldn't be taught because she think I could handle it. And she really pushed me. I was contorted, bent, twisted into every shape imaginable. This really surprised me. I never thought my body could take so much pressure and still be ok. I was trembling throughout the class, it was that exhaustive. I nearly drove into a tree on the way back because I felt so DRAINED.

Favorite pose: The turtle, and one of those super twisty hook your arms around your body under your knees thing. Of course, the super modified chaturangga simply made me whimper. As always, the class is HARDER than any other cardio.

Plus point: All the forward bends sorta gave my body a new pair of legs... or rather, hamstrings. They're not tight anymore, and perhaps stronger. I can't wait to see the improvements in a few more weeks.

And as always, the best thing about this class, the 'grounding' session at the end, where you take all your ego and pride about being able to do such amazing things, and remind yourself that if it weren't for a superior being/force we wouldn't be able to do it at all. Stay humble, and be thankful.

sunday ride

2011-10-16T23:59:00.000-07:00

i took back what I wrote earlier. I DO NOT WANT to get better in cycling. Maybe just enough to keep my cardiovascular system happy.

Yesterday we decided to tackle steep hills. And he was forever trying to 'improve' me when all I wanted was to enjoy spinning and spinning and spinning. He asked me if I wanted to suffer or cheat. I chose for the former. This time around because I was away for a week the hills felt steep. I was slower, and I almost bent forward at the waist from the effort. I stopped for a bottle of livita. Then halfway through the loops, Vico. As usual he did not drink anything. I asked him if he was thirsty and he said - "I did not even break a sweat!" !!! I have stopped feeling embarrassed for myself.

I think I have started to transition from someone 'training' for a race to someone 'exercising' for health. No longer was I pushing myself to the limits, no longer was I challenging myself to break my own record. When he pushed me to cycle faster I got angry at him for forcing me out of this comfort zone. Instead of doing speed drills I loped the neighborhood, feeling relaxed and happy. I stopped doing 50m drills now and just enjoy doing endless relaxing laps, losing out to breaststroke swimmers.

I don't know whether I am happy with this. I like the regular routine of exercising but I wonder if I should mix it up with a bit of some race anxiety just to shake up my routine. But I am just too lazy to register nowadays and I hate the thought of waking up just to line up and gather and then run when I can do that by myself.

I did not sign up for PBIM this year. That is a loss to me, but couldn't find the time and friend to accompany me. Wondering what tiny run I should register into...

Saturday: normal 6k. Went running angry and the run did not even help. First time this happened.

Today's planned workout: pool time.

TSB

2011-10-13T07:29:00.000-07:00

It's only the random things I remember.

The first time I went cycling, Kash laughed at my tshirt :). She took off afterwards, stronger and better. TSB stayed by my side until we reached the junction. He told me I should try to do the marathon.

The 10k runs we did at his place, a nice area. We stopped and bought milk for his wife, or other things she needed.

The tweets back and forth.

I don't really know him that well, but he was a friend and somewhat my running partner. The bento box on my bike was his.

Al-Fatihah, Kharis. I dedicated my training tonight for you.

Leg strength

2011-10-11T19:50:00.001-07:00

At the end of my stretching/strengthening session last night, the instructor had us do the child's pose (a yoga pose) and close our eyes to relax. She then said, "Let us ground ourselves from thinking that we are the best just because we have successfully achieved the things that not many could do/achieve."

It was a humbling moment because minutes before I was so chuffed about my flexibility. And that's the great thing about my stretching instructor. Because after you've done triathlons, ran marathons, swam for hours, endured great distances, persevered through pain, sometimes you're more proud than you should be, especially comparing yourselves to other unfit peers. It is a dangerous trap which I think we all fall into.

Another great episode last week was my cycling 'training'. We went to a normal route that usually sees many cyclists. I never liked that route; too many false flats which messed up my pacing. But that seemed to be his favorite route. It has the distance and the hills that presents the path for a good training.

We went through the route light and easy, until we were on the way back. I thought I was off the hook. Then he asked me to pedal faster, and in rhythm, push push push until I go faster. That was how, he said, you gain speed without changing the gears, which many cyclists depend on. He proceeded to make me repeat this for the remaining 3 uphills that had me panting.

Then he saved the best for the last: off the saddle climbing. And we found out that my leg strength is pathetic and my hamstring is under developed. GULP.

And because my leg strength sucked, roused myself early last saturday for a 6k run. I started off realy zippy; too excited to be running again. And I got slower and slower until I reached the 3k mark when things perked up. Then it was kinda smooth sailing. I was glad it was over and also that I did it.

End of September

2011-09-25T01:42:00.000-07:00

Last friday went for a spin. same route. I was struggling like crazy going up the first hill. granted it was a tough one but really it seemed easier before. I thought I was tired from a late night so I pushed it until I went up the second hill and I HAD TO STOP near the peak. And guess what, I'd accidentally used the big crank. My riding partner was both baffled and bemused. "How could you NOT realize you're on the big crank?" I didn't. Well, I KNOW I would KNOW, but because I hardly ever used the big crank since the shifter's a bit kooky, I never realized I was on it (my riding partner put it on the big crank to test the shifter before we started). Great. We changed the gears and already it was SO MUCH BETTER.

Went for a dip today. Just to test the lungs. I could still hit the 1k easily, although I do pant a little bit. I actually worked out more thanks to this uncle who was doing an easy breaststroke and we were swimming side by side. I was glad for the push.

Now if I could somehow fit in running tomorrow then it would be a great start.

much needed post

2011-09-17T21:11:00.000-07:00

after a looong hiatus. mind you i am not inactive.

last week went for a run at the normal park. test power, they say, just to see how you could measure up to your running self then. god, doing a 6k was an effort and I was so glad to end it. but still it was a good run in an essence that I was struggling and working hard. you've got to start somewhere. and ive always loved the challenge of starting again.

one thing i realized is that my cycling and running SUCK if I didn't swim. I never realized how much i depend on lung power to be somewhat a decent athlete. The reason i could cycle for as long as i did without faltering was that my breathing was controlled and never labored, thanks to all the tormenting 'sets' i created for myself, doing super long strokes and racing nobody in the water.

i vowed to get back to swim... firstly, next wednesday.

went for a spin today with my only riding partner. it was such a great comeback to my weak self but i felt sorry for my bud since he did not even break a sweat. in fact, i made water stops for maybe 5 times and he did not even DRINK at all, all 38km of our ride... with hills. I bet it was like riding with a toddler.

i want to get better.

between wheels or legs.

2011-08-11T00:14:00.000-07:00

Tonight I have a ride date with the only person I ride with these days. Of course I feel lazy, but I know it will feel so good. At the same time, I am itching to go for a run. sometimes these urges come very randomly; especially during meetings, or hanging out with friends. Sometimes - well, most of the times - it's when I am watching animal planet, and seeing all of them animals run.

so I don't know whether to go for my normal 5k run before iftar, or a good ride workout after iftar. the problem with cycling is, you need good leg muscle and memory to be able to enjoy it... i haven been riding for a while and the route we are taking would be hilly all the time.

ahh well. on the other hand, been reading the book on biomechanics and psychology of superathletes and what makes them good boils down to their hard working self ethics and work principles. the famous tarahumaras for example, always works. something to do. unlike people like us these days, watching the tv, reading a book, eating frozen yogurt, etc. people in those days don't even have flat screen tv NEITHER multiple sclerosis. now MS is one of the most famous symptoms to hit working young adults.

Anyway after reading a chapter on these famous natural athletes I realized I am sort of living with one. harris has amazing work principles - or maybe he's just obsessive compulsive - but whatever it is he maintains his endurance, strength and flexibility by doing house work and a lot of it. in face when he was in an intensive football camp the footballers were asked to do all the maintenance, cleaning and everything themselves. these sort of housework strengthens their bodies as well as self discipline. I would be watching the television and he'd be cutting the trees, re-arranging the pots and plants, cleaning the car, etc etc. And I can't help because I mess with his system. Well, that's his compulsiveness in view. Anyway, the result is that he kicks ass in everything he does, and even without training. He's still able to outsprint a younger footballer and sometimes when I take him out for a really taxing spin he went up effortlessly... and I thought I was a good climber! In yoga - or b-boy power move, in his own 'macho' terms - his favorite show off pose is the headstand. You've got to have really strong core to be able to balance your body like that. urgh.

anyway... running? cycling? oh well!

grueling week

2011-07-25T06:23:00.000-07:00

hari ni demam.

the last week, i 'trained' everyday. my thighs are feeling the burn even now thanks to saturday final karate class before ramadhan. thank God I woke up and dragged myself to it. best gila, and this time around I was the first to complete the loop yeah! maybe sebab panjat bukit menggila just that friday.

ramdhan is coming and cant wait to start my workout. run + kayuh bodoh keliling kampung. forget about swimming kang terkentut buang masa je. and i plan to do my workout in the morning since I have to sacrifice (hehe sacrifice kunun) my evening time to cook dinner... when you are not single anymore. dulu kakak masakkan.

im in the best possible mental and physical shape right now. i have enough sleep, i eat well, my workout is light, steady and challenging enough to keep my body moving. i dont have to sacrifice family time and i am physically satisfied. i do though want to sign up for a few run this end of the year but i am not sure whether i should... i am feeling ok just running without a target. oh well, we'll just wait and see.

1/16 of gohtong

2011-07-21T18:43:00.000-07:00

today he asked me, "nak panjat bukit?" and he said, "if you can do this, you can do gohtong."

he wanted to know how strong my legs are. if they were strong, i could scoot further on my saddle and pump. if I couldn't, I'd just lean far back and go slow. Of course I opted for the latter. I'm not delusional.

on the first hill - this ain't nothing compared to the second one, he said grinning evilly - i was going as slow as 9km/h. the hill was long, but not torturous, nothing I haven't done before.

the second one nearly gave me a hernia. it was hard, harder when he asked me to scoot forward and pump. i was spent reaching up. the lone runner who was doing hill repeats was checking for her time. i think she's going to syaur all other runners in any upcoming races. the hill was tough.

then I did a round of speed. god im so tired even writing this. it was a good workout, as always, i always enjoyed torturing myself. now going to get ready for workkk.

Updatess

2011-07-20T16:32:00.000-07:00

(written today)

Just got back from a tough intense session as usual it's getting harder as the students turnout remained the same. Sensei is not that lenient anymore and my push up still suck. One thing that is good about this is that I am working on my speed so much. We have to run laps doing incredibly tough negative splits - this is in running terms and I bet the sensei doesn't know that; all he knows is asking us to complete the lap in 1 minute, then 50 seconds then 45 seconds and so one. CRAZY!

I did a half-assed brick session yesterday. since I missed riding last week due to rain and schedule, I was told to warm up my legs by cycling around the neighbourhood - even for 2km, using the heaviest gears. So I did, and cycling around neighbourhood is dangerous, well, when you're not wearing a helmet and wearing clipless shoes. there's just too many junctions and cars! but there's this slight incline that really worked me in heavy gears... i found myself cheating a little bit by switching to lower gears hehe. my back hurt! After about 25 minutes of mindless cycling I went for a short run. that was good since I felt strong if you didn't take into account my knees.

Looking forward for tomorrow's workout.

(wrote this on Tuesday)

Today was such a great intense workout! I felt so glad that I dragged myself off the bed at 5am and steeled myself against going back to sleep. So many thoughts went through my mind - I didn't have enough sleep, didn't really have a good full dinner, etc, - anything to bail out of this workout. But I reminded myself that I WILL feel good at the end of the session.

And I was right.

Today's session was meant to be tough. We started with basic drills, then a 5x20 seconds of strength exercises working on each major muscle group: arms, core, and legs. That means 5x20 seconds of arms, 5x20 seconds of core, you get the idea. Then we had to do jumping kicks for 2 laps. And REPEAT to doing karate drills. FOR ONE HOUR.

Karate is just sooooo, well, satisfying.

Last Sunday, I hit the pool. I miss the pool. It doesn't feel like a workout for me, and if it does, I feel more like a sexy mermaid than a drowning whale (although while doing drills I am the latter... never the former). That Sunday, I felt energized. The pool was empty - totally devoid of people. Syok nooooo. I fantasized on doing 2k, but will take at least 1k of swimming to keep me happy. That's my worst case number. If I was REALLY feeling sick, 800m pon jadi laaa.

Seperti biasa, warmup with 5x100m. Time tu la stretch aper yang nak stretch. berangan2 sikit while swimming, not caring. Then the set begins. I can't remember now what I did but I limit myself to 10-15 seconds of rest before I start again. I finished the set with a few drills, semestinya my favorite - the baring malas tepi drill. Didn't feel like it was a drill, seriously. Maybe I was doing it wrong the this whole time.

Everytime I see people running or talk about running, I feel like going running. It is such an easy workout, yet I find myself making excuses not to go. I just get bored easily nowadays with running. When I look at my bike, rasa nak pecah meronta2 tuk ride. Tapi sometimes the logistics of this sport makes me feel lazy. But when there's a will, there's a way. Especially if you are riding with someone so f@#$king good. Camana la dier tahan ngan aku ni.

Ramadhan Plan:

Monday: Rest

Tuesday: Run

Wednesday: Cycle kanak2 riang ria tepi rumah.

Thursday: Yoga

Friday: Cycle/Yoga

Saturday: Buka Puasa gathering!

Sunday: Run/Rest

Have to swim as much as I could for now!

Passion!

2011-07-15T19:55:00.000-07:00

Honestly, the best pair of shoes.

It's cheap, cracked and not pretty. But I've been using it forever.

Harris doesn't look too chuffed being the third wheel. Haha.

I remember the first time I bought this dude. I came in with a friend, who would later custom fit and build the rest of the bike. It was on a Tuesday, and nearly 8pm. My friend spent the whole night bringing him to life. Eddy was beautiful, and also expensive. It took me months to pay off his debts, and now he's mine all mine. Everybody loved the bike, just not as much as I do. We made some pretty sweet rides, and he was reliable, and strong, and well, faster than my first. We conquered some awesome hills, and he kept me company during solo moments - the best moments. Some people spent the rest of their lives not knowing who they are, and Eddy helped me reclaimed back my identity. First a runner, and now a cyclist. But I am not fast, neither am I competitive. My 'coach/riding buddy' does not agree; he hates recreational cyclist, always pushing me to get faster, better, stronger. I'll see what happens.

Cycling aside, I've been working out steadily. Been doing karate 3 times a week now, and the first week when I did it I couldn't walk properly for days. All the muscle groups in my legs made themselves known. It was PAINFUL. All the squats; monkey squats, crab squats, sumo squats, whatever squats, they kicked my butt. The training was as tough as yoga. I still hold to this fact: Nothing is as tough as yoga, NOTHING. When done correctly, yoga BURNS.

A week before my wedding, I did my last yoga class for the session. The teacher has turned brutal on me, and the poses harder, more mentally exhausting than ever. I almost cried a few times. Oh God, writing this makes me miss yoga. Soon.

My running has been steady. Nothing much to report there. I will still consider myself a good runner, although the heart is not 100% in there. I complain more when I'm running, couldn't wait for it to finish. Yet I still do the laps religiously. During the bi-weekly running tests, I could still muster some energy to sprint.

Ramadhan month is coming! I love working out during Ramadhan. Makes you sooo much stronger.

Water babies and relapsed knees.

2011-06-10T04:46:00.000-07:00

There was a time when writing in here was all I could think about.

A few things happened. Like I got married. I had a knee relapse issue. Work. Life. Nothing major.

Spent a week revisiting one of my favorite release: surfing. I decided that for a post wedding retreat we would be doing something active. No lovey dovey beach poses or boring island snorkeling. A lot of my ideas were vetoed, like, hiking up Mt. Fuji, camping in Nepal, etc.

We settled on being waterbabies.

I was actually a pretty decent wave rider back in my uni days. I would spent hours baking under the sun at the beach, combing the waves for some seriously nice ride. Riding the waves gave me a great release.

Harris was a natural, once he got over the fear of being thrashed in the ocean. The waves were calm on our fist day, low tide, no barrels, easy current, gentle whitecats. His board balancing skills were zero though, and I secretly laughed inside, thanking all the yoga poses I did obediently. Once we got a hang of standing on our boards we captured quite a few nice waves together. Paddling back was torturous. I reminded myself that I have survived swimming in the ocean for roughly 2km so this SHOULD be nothing, but of course, the paddling still hurts.

During the evening we rented bicycles and spent a good 2 hours exploring trails. Both of us did not have the technical knowledge of maneuvering the dirt roads, nevertheless we survived. Our quads were thrashed but we survived.

Been running steadily now. 5.6ks every other days. My weekly mileage now would be a pretty 35k. I ran a solid 15k yesterday. This is considered good since I have not been running for yonks. My feeling towards it though still has not changed. Running to me now does not feel as good as cycling does, and I don't think it ever will. I still get pangs, still feel a twinge when I see runners or running things. But definitely cycling is more therapeutic to my mind. The long long long route with only me and my thoughts.

Running is simply just a routine maintenance. I'm not complaining though.

One thing I love every single time is the confidence I get even while still in the act. I love the fact that I can run long and steady without even breaking my stride. I love how powerful and worthy it makes me feel. No matter what I do in this world, I am simply still a person who just fucking enjoy getting her heart pumped and pumped and pumped.

There's nothing in this world more beautiful than the feeling of lactic acid build up.

Alas, all good things have to come to an end. My knees flamed up again after the run yesterday. The pain is familiar and it is telling me that I have another 6 more months of involuntary hiatus. I have no time to feel angry or frustrated; there is simply no regret in doing what I just did. The running itself is worth it. But I need this rest, I'm saving my knees for better things.

Such as straddling my faithful steed again, roughing up the big bad ass uphills.
We have a date.

run with dad

2011-05-12T09:55:00.000-07:00

been running with the old man these days. today was no different. my first thought was, damn this man is getting better! isn't his knees supposed to be killing him? either he's getting fitter or I'm losing fitness. I opt for both. Ever since I stopped cycling for a while,I have been doing nothing. Crickets. But been picking up sports here and there. I can still kick up dirt with my sprint repeats. Great nice 5km with dad, who ran a bit too fast for my liking. Had to con him into stopping... I am not proud of that.

priorities

2011-04-24T04:40:00.000-07:00

i guess there's only so many moments you can have before you have to redefine your focus.

People ask me if it was hard to let go. Before answering, I will always recall back the recent post I wrote about loving the cycling and what it does for me. To be honest, it was harder before the decision, not so after. I would look at all my friend's weekend's escapades with neither longing, envy nor regret. Sometimes I would confide in a friend about the immensity of what I am letting go of, and they would understand, knowing that before all of this, it was a huge part in my life. But we are meant to lose the people/things we love, because how else are we going to know how important they were to us?

exercise will always be a part of my life. but in a different way now.

I end this with one of my favorite quotes from Benjamin Button:

For what it’s worth, it’s never too late, or in my case too early, to be whoever you want to be. There’s no time limit... start whenever you want... you can change or stay the same. There are no rules to this thing. We can make the best or the worst of it. I hope you make the best of it. I hope you see things that stop you. I hope you feel things that you never felt before. I hope you meet people with a different point of view. I hope you live a life that you’re proud of and if you find that you’re not, I hope you have the strength to start all over again.

race dilemma

2011-04-09T04:59:00.000-07:00

I planned to start my 2011 official race soon with a race I did last year and loved, but as the time comes I find myself making reasons and excuses not to go.

truth to be told, I have enjoyed the slew of continuous exercise without a goal in mind, or without having to pay a single entry fee. I was okay missing out on many other 'key' and 'A' races without a single feeling of regret or remorse. But I had in mind that I want to start 2011 with that specific race. It was short, easy, stress free and enjoyable.

Problem is: it is expensive, requires planning on the logistics and the date clashes with my friend's engagement.

Excuses excuses.

anyway, today was a good day. nearly bailed on the workout but fought the sleepiness and got ready. i had planned a short and simple workout but a friend had another thing in mind. we headed out to a mid distance, meeting no one. it was a good ride with minimal hills.

i am getting stronger. i think.

still can't decide whether to go or not for the event.

Passion

2011-04-08T07:28:00.000-07:00

When people asked me what I do, I used to say, "I am a runner."

It took me a long time, but now when I am asked the same question, I replied with, "I am a cyclist."

Let me lay it down for you. I am not an exceptional athlete. I am known on this blog as an injured runner, running a 3 hour half marathons. I swim freestyle at a breaststroke pace. I am now just a rehabilitated weekend warrior, enjoying her time.

It is the same thing when I cycle. On average, my speed is 23-25km/h. I can't hardly sustain speeding on a flat course for more than 3 minutes. I am never the first one to arrive and never able to overtake another cyclist. After 1 year of cycling, I have improved little.

But nothing gives me the same rush.

When I love a particular sport, I love it because it makes me feel alive. It makes me feel good while doing it, after doing it, and probably a few days after doing it. I love how it organizes my life and kick starts my energy, and the burst of confidence it gives me. This ability to still do it, and do it and do it. I have loved running with all of my life. But I can't explain this love for cycling. The amazing views I get to see, the trees, the wind on my face, the people passing you by in a blur.

Most of all, I love how tough it is. I love the hot sun, the crazy headwinds, the unforgiving hills, the relentless rain. I love a ride that comes with particularly tough route or circumstances. The best rides I remembered were all rides I suffered like crazy.

This reminds me of an article I read about the original meaning of the word 'passion'. In Latin, passion is defined as to suffer, to endure, particularly in one thing that you love. If what I am doing, waking up at the wee hours in the morning, lack of sleep, dehydration, leg stiffness, hot sun, back ache, etc isn't passion, what is?

Which leads me to a favorite quote of mine:

"Anytime you add that structure to something, for me, it kills it. Think about the word 'amateur': It has its root in the Latin word 'amare', which means 'to love'--you do it for the love of the sport."
--Charles Carlson, Bicycling June 2008

Rest in peace

2011-03-25T22:16:00.000-07:00

A cyclist friend passed away this morning, hit by a car while on the highway.

when you do these kind of sports, the circle of friend is large. many become people you know of, some people you Hi and Bye with, a few you hit off well. nevertheless, everybody is a friend.

i rode with him on many many saturdays, many many sundays, many many good long distance trips. last week, we chatted while going one uphill. always with his wife and son, a good leader and cyclist.

i didn't see how it happened. he was a good 500m behind me. it was bad, as witnessed by friends who were behind me. we were in shock. for the first time ever, nobody complained about the heat.

i keep remembering him the first time we met. my very first foray into this sport that i clearly love, this sport that have regained the top spot in my heart. he was the ride leader.

thanks for all the times riding together, rest in peace.

It's March

2011-03-19T04:27:00.000-07:00

it has been a while and I would like to say that life is not all about the Internet.

I had a good cardio today. When I say good it usually means either I was performing, or I was struggling. This morning, I was really struggling. Have not been exercising for a month or so due to work and personal commitments. I went to Turkmenistan for work last week. Suffice to say when it becomes my home for the next three years I'm going to have to work extra hard to keep fit.

Anyway this morning it was a good strength training workout that really made my legs feel the burn. Headwinds and hills, plus a little bit of rain are always a good combo. It was quite cold though, something I didn't really like. If it's going to be cloudy please make it comfortable, not chilly. There was no sun, which is good for the skin, but for me personally bad training-wise. For the first time in a long while the hills worked me. I felt the burn like a heartache. There were moments where I had to keep myself going. All this makes me better so I was not complaining.

It is really nice to know that this used to be a serious, tough workout for me. But after a slew of really epic distances, this feels like an easy saturday boo-hoo.

Yesterday at the strength training class the instructor worked me good. We focused on the large muscle groups, working specifically the core. I like that my body awareness is improving, and slowly my body is responding. We ended the set with a tough abwork that left me screaming Uncle!

Can't wait for my first official event soon.

180

2011-02-19T23:53:00.000-08:00

I always think: if it weren't for my knees, I would be smoking everybody.

On days when I could not go on because of them, I get moments where I think, "why?" And then I realized that this is such a small thing. I think the reason behind this is that maybe God is telling me something. If I didn't have bad knees or shoulders or what not, I would be such a conceited ass. In high school I was a smug athlete. I got annoyed at slower runners. My purpose when running is dropping others behind. I knew I was good, and I think I let it go over my head.

Now my knees and shoulders keep me in check. They allow me to do sports without letting my ego gets the best of me. At anytime I started to excel and thus, smugness sinks in, they get to work. Too many times I had to pull out of runs, rides, tournaments because of my knees.

It sounded like a curse. But I chose to see it as a blessing.

This week was one good example. I did another long distance event this week, and although not the first, or the fastest lady there, I was strong. I kept a nice pace (I think all the years in cross country taught me well in pacing myself), I handled my nutrition well, and I kept it together through all the crazy hills. People commented how good and how strong I was despite poor mileage and lack of training. They mentioned it several times.

I started to get a big head.

The next day, another long distance event. I was all prepped, thinking of all the praises heaped on me when I finally finished it. The pictures they will take, showing me in action, people going, wow nadia is so strong!

My knees acted up. And I had to say no. Because although ego is a big thing, I think experience and the smartness of saying no is better. I've learned my mistakes when I ruined them because of running. Now I exercise caution.

Anyway, I think I will always be a long distance girl. I never cared about the time or speed, although to be honest I would want to have BOTH speed and endurance. But if I had to choose, I'd choose the ability to go long, and enjoy long. This was one of the sweetest long distance thing I had to endure, because it was just me, my thoughts, and wanting to finish. I always want to finish. And I always will.

To having the ability and capability to go long and enjoy long, thank you God, for this gift.

a change would do you good

2011-02-17T03:20:00.000-08:00

2 days ago I walked to the shop because it was a lovely day. In the midst of walking I suddenly felt this huge urge to RUN. it was a beautiful day, with no wind, humid to the core, the sun shining and I was like, "why the hell not?"

So I ran. With no sports bra on (I had a bra on ok... just not a sports bra). And cut off jeans. And slippers. After a while I took of my slippers and ran... barefoot.

I looked like a thief. But i felt like a superstar.

I read about people talking how marathons and all the multisports 'changed' their lives. Truth to be told... I have no idea how, and in what way.

Completing a marathon felt just like it - completing a marathon. I mostly felt relieved, and then proud that I have not given up. When I did my first triathlon I felt proud. The same thing happened when I did my first century. Relieved that I made it, and proud that I held on.

But doing them does not change my life. I still give up easily outside of sports. I am neither happier or sadder. I am grateful. Maybe I have a high pedestal on how 'life-changing' these sports achievements should be. I was sort of imagining that i dont know... maybe I became a different person, and my social life just picked up, etc. But I am still the same ol same old person doing paperwork in the office.

I do though, gained friendships. That is a good plus. Certain things you discussed about during the long trip towards the race venue, certain things you've witnessed or have people witnessing, certain things you accidentally did without control... these people stick by you through thick and thin.

One thing I DO know, is that being active makes me feel grateful. Of being able to. Of having the choice instead of given none. Of putting the trust God give me on my body and not wasting it away. Playing sports makes me become aware of who I am, what I am, and how I should be. I complete century distance rides almost monthly and I am grateful for that. That I am still able to run, and enjoy running, is a gift that keeps on giving.

Nothing in this world is permanent. Which is why, sometimes, with the wind on my face and the road hard and hot under my feet, I wonder if somehow, the most insignificant changes in life would be the most significant.

great week

2011-02-11T21:09:00.000-08:00

i worked out everyday except for Monday. this on a heavy fever week. why do i only get and give good workouts to myself during uncalled for times? i run better - faster, longer - during ramadhan with all the dehydration. And this week, heavy with fever and stuffy nose and fatigue, I had awesome sessions.

Well, awesome sessions, but my body felt weak. Nevertheless, they recover fast.

Tuesday, I in-line skated. Watching youtube videos of the Longboard Girls with their sick skills spurned me on. I let my hair down, and pretended I'm one of them, blasting up and down the hills, feeling the quads, working. I imagined them quads looking cute, toned and firm and wasn't that a great motivation to push up harder.
What I learned: you can enjoy the exertion if you think about how this will benefit you in the long run.

Wednesday, strength. Didn't break too much of a sweat, but my heart pumped somewhat crazy. I loved this sessions and wished I had more time after work.
What I learned: it is up to you to push yourself. You can always add one more rep and then the next.

Thursday, finally my boyfriend decided to join me for a spin. And that dude wowed me as usual. My turf, my playground, and he whooped my ass climbing up the hills like the bike and him were one and the same. I loved the view of his calves when I was exerting myself along the ride. The night was balmy and humid, and it was the best because I was with the person who mattered most.
What I learned: The same route helps to gauge your fitness, and how each exercise changes according to the day weather, mental state, etc.

Friday, still feeling weak, but strength class still had to go on. This time, I wanted to focus on my upper body strength. And dear lovely instructor, she made us pant and sweat and our arms and upper back shake like a Polaroid picture. great stretching sessions afterwards.
What I learned: Focus and breathing are keys to your knowing your RPE.

Saturday, a dip in the pool. Woke up from a goood recovery sleep, and decided what the hell, let's just get yourself worked out for a while.
What I learned: You can lose yourself in the moment, and the next thing you know, you've exceeded your expectations.

balik kampung jumpa ibu, ayah, kucing!

fever

2011-02-08T07:27:00.000-08:00

No workout for 6 days. But I compensated those days with family, food and friends. It was worth it.

Reorganizing my sports closet, I realised that I have more running shoes than my work shoes... or any other normal ordinary shoes. I have only 1 pair that I wear to work everyday. 1 heels to wear for wedding functions. 1 strappy one for casual events. The rest I wear Havaiainas flip flops. I have always been a flip flop girl. Must took it from my beachy, surfing watersports days.

But I have one trail running shoe (a good investment for my Nepal trip), 3 running shoes that I alternate (1 for events, 1 for regular training, and 1 for cross training) and 2 vibrams. I hardly use the 3 running shoes now with the vibrams so they've been downgraded to badminton shoes, etc.

I have about 20? unworn running singlets from race events. I have only used 4 of them for yoga classes but now since I do them at home there's no reason for me to wear a proper attire. I have always been a cotton tshirts kind of girl. I love how they stick to your skin.

I am happy where I am today. I think I have 'crossed' off the list of things to do when you're a weekend warrior; everybody goes through this phase - a 10k event, then a 21k, then a 42k and then if you're still searching for something you might try a triathlon and who knows if you're still obsessed an Ironman.

There are some people who got stuck with only running and I envy people like them. They don't follow the natural progression, but finding their passion real early and holding on to it instead. I was one of 'those' who felt that I needed to do more things in order to feed that burning drive. We are all guilty of it.

But I have found my calling. And I love it.

I am still going to stick to my guns and running for penang bridge marathon :) and maybe siemens 10k... and malakoff... and mizuno... those are the good runs. short, simple, with milo at the end.

My dad has retired from running. I asked him if he wanted to run for energizer and he said no, he has no interest anymore to run events. Like me, he too, has come full circle. The rush is gone, but it was good while it lasted. Damn good.

Today was a good workout. Good intervals that got my legs burning and myself gasping for air. I think of my cousin, whom if given the chance to be alive and healthy, would have enjoyed this run with me. I miss you ngangah, all the time, everyday :(

Tuesday good day

2011-01-31T21:39:00.000-08:00

Good cardio. No hesitation in the morning, even when I slept at nearly 2am. I knew I was going to have to put in some cardio today and there shall be no excuses.

Woke up, got ready, drank milk, then started. It was fast, and furious (for me) and too soon my heart started racing, legs burning. I kept to my pace, afraid of cramps. At the usual stop I did forward bends until I'm a noodle. Then I continued again, but due to the busy traffic (forgot that Selangor has to work) I have to be careful about the cars. It bothered my pace and I hate having to slow down especially when I'm on a roll. My legs seem to be quite heavy and I worked them hard to 'man up' to the speed. No mollycoddling!

At the last stop I picked up pace that really got my heart pumping and my thighs groaning. The whole distance felt short but I knew I worked hard today, pushed myself.

But when I came back from a hearty breakfast, I realised that it's not enough. I want to be doing more - so I went to the gym and spent about an hour there. I was dying of thirst afterwards.

Chocolate milk is such a good recovery drink. Just a thought.

Saturday PAINFUL cardio

2011-01-29T18:03:00.000-08:00

I can't somehow believe that the worst have passed. That I am in my home, all clean and showered, no gunk on my face and body, no grime and sand on my face.

Yesterday, I had the biggest, longest, (can I say torturous?) cardio outing ever. Without prior training. Why did I sign up for this? I kept asking myself, especially during the slow hours with the sun on my back. Why? But I know why, because I love coming home looking back to the worst I have just encountered. Worst is simply a relative term.

The first part I was buzzing. I kept a good pace, easy effort, no pressure on anything. I was enjoying the scenery. Reaching to the first stop I began to feel the cramps building in. I am disappointed and frustrated. Lately I seem to be getting cramps while doing long slow cardio - I never got cramps before. It started during Penang Bridge and now they come naturally like your period cramps. I've seriously got to change the way I prepare my workout.

Refuel.

Started again. Still on a roll, fair pace, albeit the slow build of muscle cramps on my legs. It felt ugly, like resentment or hatred, the kind of feelings you do not want to have but can't help having. The cramps weighed heavy, and I was worried. I rode into the destination town worried. Started to resort to deep heat, massage, stretches, the works. This time around, nothing helped. And I am kilometers away from home.

When we u-turned back, I was suffering. Kept the effort as low as possible while engaging my major muscles. I wondered if the pain was because I had a hard workout the night before. I am 4 hours away from the safety and comfort of my car. The cramps settled, a dead weight on my legs. At the rest stop I succumbed to one, doubling over. somebody sprayed me until I felt like the legs were on fire. No sooner than I started again the cramps attacked.

But I did it. somehow, somewhat, I did it. Major cramps, aches, exhaustion, but I sashayed into our RV place in one piece, shaken, stirred, but accomplished. Cramped perhaps, but still. The last 20% of the journey was all mental. and that mental was the reason why I keep doing this.

I am thankful for this capability. To be alive!

KOYAK

2011-01-28T05:01:00.001-08:00

My new favorite term: Koyak.

Technically it means tear or it can also be a verb - to tear. But in the context of sports and exercise, Koyak means to suffer. or burn out, or to struggle.

Picked this up from the people I generally do cardio with. Especially during the long slow ones, with the sun burning on your back, surely one or two will utter these words - "Damn koyak weh!"

It's my favorite term because it means I am working hard and pushing myself. To get better.

Today was my first comeback to strength training and stretching class after a looong sabbatical. Of course I explained a great detail about my knee injury, my shoulder, and what-nots. I am glad I have an instructor who remembers my injuries.

First she made me do a quadriceps stretch that also massage the knees. It took all my effort to not scream out or move because the tension in my knees were building up. But it was not painful; it was merely easing through the knots of my tendons.

Then we started with ab works. I am glad to say that although I struggle through the sets, at least it wasn't that hard.

The hardest was the arm strengthener. We did a series of Cobra poses that just did my triceps in. When we got to the lunges, my head felt lightheaded. We did the whole thing with no ceiling fan or aircond on.

Can't wait for a totally punishing but no doubt satisfying cardio tomorrow. I am looking forward to Koyak!

Have a great weekend everyone. And Happy Chinese New Year to my Chinese friends!

The Number Game

2011-01-24T05:29:00.000-08:00

Of all the gadgets I wanted for my sports, a GPS watch is top on the list. The reason is simple: I want to know how far I run when I run. This habit started when I run events, therefore I train, therefore keeping tabs matter. When the interest wane off, I somehow like to keep track of the mileage just because I like to see the details all spread out over a period of a month. Or maybe I am a geek like that.

Last year, I trained by the numbers. I have a 10 ringgit wristwatch to keep track of the time I took to run my daily 5k, just to see if I have improved. When I swim, I glance often at the wall clock and made sure I do not go over the normal swimming time of my 1k. I used a cycling computer to tell me how far I am going and what my rpm is. I am jut short of not counting my heart rate, or my strokes, or my power output.

In short, it was all about the numbers.

Yesterday, I went for an outing with my project team. It was mostly fun and lightweight, but since there was a runner in the group as well, and she's reasonably fit, we decided to run. At first I was being careful, slowing down on the downhill, making sure my pace was steady. But after a while I began to zone out and just ran. I momentarily thought about my knees as I raced downhill with my colleague, zip zapping on the rocks. I was fast, springy, excited, and extremely at home. I thought, "Oh my god I am so dead," as we ran up and down the baby inclines.

But it was worth it.

Truth to be told, I left the world of 'training' after Penang Bridge but gained back the wonderful pleasures of just working out. It is not a Must not but a WANT TO, just like when I was a student. I stopped measuring all my performances - swimming, running, cycling, karate drills, in-line skating, etc - for the simple pleasures of getting sweaty.

I stopped relying on the numbers and begin again to learn by feel - the feel of the winds past my ears to gauge my runs, the burning triceps as I work on my strokes, the ease of climbing for my power output. I no longer am anal about my timing, or distance, instead merely asking my friends about them, to be jotted down into my fitness journal. I do write down the distance, and the time if not for routine. I still like data, although I don't stress about it.

Anyway, running the route yesterday was awesome. It reminded me that I am not dependent on any technology but myself, and that no amount of GPS data, or split timings going to make me a better athlete. Truth to be told, if I can trust my own natural fitness gauge, I feel like I have improved, a bit stronger, with or without all these stuff.

A friend is going to give me her hand me down cycling computer, and as much as I like getting things for free, I wonder what having it would do for me. I have enjoyed riding without knowing anything at all except how good it feels and how bad this motherfcking hill is. I save myself the trouble of feeling the dread knowing that I have another X km to complete.

One of these days, I will try to see if I could just workout without keeping tabs. But for now, I am pretty much, bound by a little bit of data.

Double Whammy Weekend

2011-01-22T20:12:00.000-08:00

I'm still on my two feet, immobile, so the Open water swim was a great chance to reconnect with my swimming and also old friends. Have not seen these guys for some time, and Kash too.

To be honest I wasn't sure I was going to swim. I have stopped swimming 'seriously' and have not done any long distance swimming for some time. Compared to the rest of them I am the weakest swimmer, which goes to show that just because you're younger doesn't really mean you can't be smoked. The last time we did this, I got stuck in the current on the swim back to the shore Ian had to stay with me, which is a bit of a downer as you never want to be slowing anyone down. Also being the last made me panic and I was thoroughly drained when the swim was over.

I thought it was going to be the same thing.

This time around I did ok. I thought my main limiter would be my fitness since I've not been doing any cardio routine. I thought I would be struggling to follow the rest, and that my heart would be pounding, and I would be dying for a breather. But I kept to the same steady pace and routine of sighting that after the first few minutes I calmed down immensely and just, swam. Having Jaja beside me (doing a breaststroke - that was how slow I was with my freestyle) was also a calming point. At least we were both swimming side by side, going towards the same point. The rest has shot off far ahead except for Ian who was basically being a good soul keeping tabs on us.

I always wonder what went on in our heads when we were doing the distance. Be it running, cycling, swimming, most of the times it would be only us and our thoughts keeping us company. I believe this is why individual sports are so therapeutic. your minds just wander off somewhere and let your body auto pilot itself.

I think I have improved, and I can't decide whether it's because I was visibly more relaxed, or because I am just fitter. Strengthwise I still have noodle sticks for arms and maybe I have to surgically implant muscles there. Gary, one of the swimmers, had bulging biceps and I believe the swim was barely an effort for him.

Today what was meant to be a simple 4km of trail run-walk has turned into 11km of getting lost and dehydrated. I felt guilty because it was my idea to go to the Frim woods for some exercise, and my boss was into the idea and hence, all the project team were suckered into going. One guy brought along his pregnant wife.

The first part of the trail - 4km - were done in high spirits, I devised a game where we would sprint when we come to inclines. That got our heart rates up and bodies sweating. The we proceeded to another long trail where I devised a game of tag+pass the baton, in which every runner would run as fast as possible to make it hard for the runner behind him to catch him, and 'pass' the baton. It got us huffing and puffing and then suddenly we found ourselves in the middle of nowhere. We were inside one of the botany gardens and the only way out was over the locked wire fenced gate. In the end, we had to go out via the drain tunnel, and it was a hoot to have our boss hoisted up from the drain. The mountain bikers even snapped pictures of these awkward looking joggers all coming up from the drain by the roadside.

All in all, it was a very tiring 11km Frim tour.

Broke My Back comeback

2011-01-19T21:12:00.000-08:00

What a great workout. After 4 weeks off no serious cardio (except a 3 runs, 2 in-line skating with RPE of 8, and karate drills), I managed to complete this not-so-easy workout with great flourish. Except for some back pain and bodily aches (due to different steed and adaptability of the distance after a lay off) I feel fine. Totally fine. In fact, I loved this workou so much! Maybe we should do this weekly.

My secret? Karate drills. And yoga stretches - daily. Those things really helped. So many things could go wrong - wrong sized steed, shoes, heavier in general, lack of fitness, tough route, but aside from the two mother effer hills, I had a great time, I wasn't slow or slowing anyone down, I am actually ok, speedwise. I could use another bottle of water, but dehydration's part of my exercise anyway.

These past one week, I was cooped up in a meeting room for a weeklong discussion. It's called an IPF study, and being the green, newbie engineer that I am, I was glad I was thrown into this to learn. But all we did inside there was sit, think really hard, argue, and then eat. All the lack of physical exercise makes me wish we could conduct this study while on treadmills or something. Anything to keep us energized. So what I did was to bring weights in and use them around my ankles while we were discussing. Lifting both my legs up help strengthen my knees, and that's always a good thing.

Once I am back home I did my karate drills and an hour of yoga. No excuse no matter how pooped I am. I have made the conscious decision to be good to my body, at least 6 times a week. Last week, the gym of my condo was closed, and it was raining, and my knees hurt to run, so what I did was pop in my collection of CDs and had a mosh fest. I was breathing really hard at the end of the hour. I forgot how good music makes you feel, especially with the tunes.

For your information, I was listening to Smashing Pumpkins, As I Lay Dying, and Bush. Great tunes.

Off to clean the house. Another workout?

I end this with a sobering but uplifting picture:

If this kid can smile... so can YOU

The Joys Of

2011-01-13T04:06:00.000-08:00

The joy of having your own personal space:

1) Your own rules. And no one else's.

2) Privacy. To do whatever you want - read in the bathtub (as I sometimes do), brush your teeth in front of the tv (yes... im a mutant).

3) Dancing with absolutely no reservation.

4) Wanting to paint the walls flashing red? No problemo.

Fitness Updates:

I've established more of less a stable, regular routine. It consists of cardio and a bit of stretching and strength. My aerobic capacity is definitely not like it was, but I have little doubt that should I return back to my favorite sports I would not have that hard of a problem staying on.

On days when it is raining, and the gym is closed I run up the stairs of my condo up till the top floor (19th floor) and take the elevator down to ground again. The first time I did it, the guards stopped me, suspicious. But then they note that I was a heavy gym goer and use the pool often and always wheel my bike out past them or jog into/and out past the guard house. They let me go.

Health updates:

Sleep times are stable. I have been getting 6 hours of sleep now. I take power naps of 10 minutes tops... never more. I try to eat healthily (TRY, TRY) but only this morning I walloped two polystyrene sized nasi lemak ayam goreng (breakfast, then lunch) and then half a slice of blueberry cheese cake... and then like about 5 Reese's Pieces. GASP! I blame the whole day meeting with the Engineering team.

Ok, gotta go and do work.

Workout Two

2011-01-08T20:35:00.000-08:00

When it comes to sports, I have always been a hopeless romantic.

Ever since I was a kid, more so when I turned to a young adult, I have lost count how many times I dived into a sport (new and old) and thought to myself, "this is it... im in love."

The first few times I started swimming regularly, 2 years back, I remember slicing through the calm blue water and thinking to myself, "whoa, what a wonderful feeling. I love this."

Early mornings enjoying my solo spin along the empty deserted road I went, "ohmigod, I am in love and I won't let go."

In the middle of a super hard dolphin pose, "i... love... this!"

After a kickboxing class, "What a great workout! I love kickboxing!"

In my countless loop at the lake, the birth of many great things in my running, even my injuries - "I could die right now and I am at my happiest."

On and on it happened, be it hiking, surfing, field hockey, badminton and squash (damn... I miss squash).

None of these infatuations have to do with competitions. It was always about pure exercising, bad form, good form, low mileage and all.

Today was no example. I am still trying to pick up to where I left my fitness last - on the dusty shelf of my 'things to continuously do' library - and slowly regain back my exercising routine. It was a good Sunday. Woke up early, treated my parents to a nice breakfast of nasi dagang with ayam merah (the best, seriously) and vacuumed, swept, wiped the house. General cleaning done, suddenly I was in the mood to do a cardio.

So I did. I started out slow, telling myself its ok if I didnt complete the target. Its all about the warm up.

The main set was torturous. I nearly died twice trying to sustain the drills. Recently I am more interested in doing short hard intervals rather than long endurance oriented ones due to my limited time frame (and god only knows how I used to love endurance based workout!). Also, hard short workouts give more or less the same results as those who did long workouts.

Plus, I believe in the power of yoga. When I did yoga quite religiously all other cardio wasn't really hard. I sleep better, I climb up the hills better, I sustain better, you name it, yoga better-fy my athletic performance, even my life.

And right now I'm going to shower, clean the bathroom, do my weekly DIY facial, read a book and just become a lazy ass.

Return to Cardio

2011-01-06T23:39:00.000-08:00

Yesterday after 14 days of recuperating I decided to go for a run.

The feeling has been building for nearly a week now but I as hesitant to jump into any activities so quickly after the accident. But yesterday it as was as good as it gets. It wasn't raining, I as in good spirits, none of the fatigue from work or anything, and I had time.

I decided to walk from my condo to the lake. It was a nice walk, probably about 1.5km at most, but I as warmed up due to the brisk pace I kept. It was probably more of a jog, and I try not to focus too much on my steps and let my paranoia disappear.

When I arrived I quickly increased to a trot. I felt my ankles and knees and calves like I've never before - 3 months of completely no running has shocked my system to the core. They weren't exactly complaining, but they made themselves known. I felt the ground beneath my feet, I felt my calves, I felt the wind rushing through my ears. I probably ran at a fast pace. I thought of slowing it down so I could last about 5 loops (1 loop is 1.1km) but I decided to just run at the pace I felt like running, all other 'should' or 'would' be gone.

As I as nearing my second loop I have yet to slow down. Also bumped into all these runners I have not seen for a while - this uncle who ran the opposite way from others - we smiled at each other, both unable to stop. He is a good consistent runner. The guy Rashid - whom I wrote in my first few entries of this blog. He was there too, and ran fast like it as a walk in the park.

I probably slowed down a pitch in my third loop, and as much as I wanted to continue and make it to 5 (I'm a sucker for keeping a routine), I told myself to take it easy on the first run. I stopped after the third loop, since I have another 1.5km walk back to my place.

It as a nice cool down walk home. I passed subang parade, carrefour and all these people miling around and about. I realized I'm blessed to live in an area where exercise is not a challenge but of abundance. It is here here I regularly go for a spin, my condo has a nice pool where I would swim for hours in (one time an old lady went down from her place to the pool and asked me"are you training for the olympic?" HAHAHA), and there's even the gym should I feel too lazy to go out. And running is everyhere!

I'm going to have to start registering my dad for races. He's been itching to run something and been pestering me to sign him up. I don't know whether I'd join him as I already enjoy running the same distance without wasting any money, but I have always liked the event atmosphere. all I know is, I know exactly what race I would be doing this year for sure and it is none other than the Penang Bridge! hahahah good running place, and good food. No complaints!

Yeay to fitness!!

Hello Again

2011-01-02T20:13:00.000-08:00

2 years ago, I discovered sports events. My life somewhat changed, rather subjectively whether it was for the better or worse. For the first time after my university days I had a proper routine, and I was dead set to follow it. My friends and family thought I was crazy.

I was a 13 year old girl in love. Nothing mattered.

Three pictures I want to share with you guys:

This is a picture of my cousin who succumbed to leukemia at 23 years old. I took this picture, when we had just arrived in Bali. It was a cousin only trip - my sister and I, him and his brother. I can't remember how old we were when this trip happened, but he was in remission then, and just a regular old guy again, talking about girls and music. I still get pangs thinking about his absence in our family, and I think about him more so when I am exerting myself during a hard run, swim, ride, drills, pose, even when I am eating a good meal, or getting a good pay. Life is not always good, but at least we're living it. Thank You Ngangah, Assalamualaikum.

Lone runner in Hyde Park. Hyde Park remains to be one of the best place for me to run, and I don't know whether it's because of the whole scenery or the fact that it was such an emotional catharsis for me at one time. I must have ran it daily, sometimes twice a day, with the company of the album by Dirty Three (She Has No Strings Apollo). That was truly the time where I felt that running was a reliever, whereas now running has a meaning, or a goal, to be addressed. I am looking forward to have more runs like that this year, hopefully with none of the emotional baggage included.

If I want to sum up my sporting triumphs with just one picture, this would be it. I believe I have posted this up before, and will continue to be a favorite of mine. Why I love this picture is not really hard to guess: it was a picture of me haphazardly doing my first triathlon race. This picture for me captures the spirit of what I think sports should be: a mild passion of doing something you love, without caring about anything else. My bike was the cheapest and the worst off in the lot - I bought it for RM800. The tyres don't match, the frame was too big for me, my helmet was only 20 bucks (I still use it till today, until the accident cracked it), and I was wearing probably my favorite workout essential until now - a cotton tshirt. I have never embraced the dri-fit material. I had no idea what to expect, and I struggled badly during the transition, but I LOVED the bike portion. I passed about 12 women during this leg.

I got a better bike now, but to be honest I still think that my cheap ass bike was the best. It was steel, and steady like a boyfriend, and made me work harder than ever. It still baffles my mates how I was faster in the steel bike than I am in my carbon. I guess it was because things were new, and I had no expectations.

This year, I'm starting again my routine, whatever it is, after two weeks of complete abandon. And it will start today, insyaAllah.

2 weeks holiday

2010-12-28T02:33:00.000-08:00

I do this every year: take two weeks off until the next year. I always feel itching to work afterwards.

What have I been doing? Work, in and out, through emails.

Eat. I have been eating regularly and healthily for the past one month and it's been giving me some good feedbacks.

First, I cut out all junk food. If I was so inclined, I'd have one or two but that's about it. I replace sugary water with plain water or chocolate milk if I really needed the taste. I stuff in more fruits and vegetables. I try to eat wholemeal grains; but if I were back at mom's house it's hard to say no to their white rice (my sister and I tried unsuccessfully to convert them to brown rice). I keep smaller portions of rice, bigger portions of vegetables and medium portions of meat.

My only sugary treats are good dark chocolates. Thank god I'm not much of a sweet tooth.

After the fall, I was pretty much resting at home. My shoulder is still strained, and my hipbones do not sit well. I do forms of karate drills religiously at home, trying to keep the restlessness at bay.

My fabulous form is again, back to zero. I have not been training for 8 days. But I'm not sweating it. There's always time for improvement.

I have been working on my own place - fixing the kitchen, bedroom and storage area. I find that setting a regular timetable for all your cleaning and maintenance keeps your house tidy and in good form. I divide the tasks into daily, weekly and monthly. I believe in weekly toilet cleaning, vacuuming, complete laundry (bedsheets, towels, etc) and menu planning. I also think that aromatherapy oils work the best, even though scented candles do function in closed small spaces.

Cleaning the whole space works the whole body.

Last night, after a good time with friends who've been around for years, I went to bed with a tinge of something I can't quite place. I want to go running. Two years ago, I would always end my good time with a nice run the next morning. It's always a nice feeling to have, the morning air so crisp, and me going about last night's event. There's always something so romantic about it that I can't never let go of. Last night though, I only massaged my grandma knees, thank God I am healthy, and went back to bed, with my alarm off.

I might never be able to run as free as I did before. But there are other things to be grateful about.

Crash boom bang

2010-12-18T20:37:00.000-08:00

This week was one of the most tiring ones. But I wasn't as sedentary as I thought I would be. Workload piled in, making my working hours more intense (instead of going home later I prefer to reach work earlier. Therefore it's 7am-5pm). I thought I'd be crashing on my bed from the exhaustion but my weekly workouts made themselves present:

Tuesday

I mulled and moaned about working out on this day. I loathe night workouts, always have been a morning person, but I like the after effect tuesday workouts give me. It's hard, intense and always satisfying. I wasted so much energy contemplating and deciding whether to go or give in to my laziness that I was pooped by the time I started. Decided to take this easy, a slow day where you just want to get your heart pumping. This was a good workout. I was glad my fitness is where I want it to be... in a way. No more huffing and puffing!

Wednesday

Again, a lazy, as-long-as-you're-moving kind of workout that has become some sort of a routine for me. I like knowing that I began it with a lazy attitude but finished it completely revved up. I changed my routine and added new sets. It's always nice (although disheartening) when you are short of breath and have to fight yourself to complete the loop.

Thursday - Saturday: WORK. 2011 is going to be a busy year for my project and we're shelving up on other people's responsibilities too to hurry up deadlines.

Today, Sunday: What was about to be an easy, moderately challenging long slow cardio was cut VERY short due to a bad accident. I banged my head and shoulder pretty hard; painful red bruises are throbbing as I write this. I cracked my brain bucket too. Forget about my faithful blue steed; he is rendered useless. These are all thanks to a thoughtless motorcyclist.

I am careful to take note about my banged up head. I have headaches and a stiff neck all the way to my elbow. If I'm starting to see stars, I'd get myself to a doctor. Right about now it's still ok. I'm just terribly tired and a bit doozy.

That's one awesome cardio ruined. Till the next one.

Training checklist:

2010-12-12T04:36:00.000-08:00

1) if it's going to be windy, then make the weather cool.

I know, I know, I hate cool, overcast weather, but seriously, if the wind's going to give me tons of resistance and make me feel like I'm dragging the school bus with my hair, then might as all make it a little bit cooler so I don't have to refuel that much.

2) When there is no wind (and there usually isn't) then make it blaringly hot.

I LOVE blazing hot sun. The hotter the better. The more humid the nicer, and even if it's dry I'll take it. I find that I am mentally stronger when I work out under the hot sun. It's easy to give up when your head feels like it's frying an egg, but YOU DIDN'T give up, so that's a good accomplishment.

3) Throw in some dehydration as well.

I am crazy, but I like testing myself. Sometimes I push myself even when I ran out of water. My throat would be parched but I held on. Isn't it a sweet feeling when you get the reward all rested.

4) There should be no excuse.

Not your knees or the weather or whether you had a late day at work the day before or you didn't have breakfast. you either performed or you didn't. I try to tell myself this everyday so that it wouldn't affect my workout. too many times I blamed lack of energy and sleep for my flailing performance. Nobody cares. it's only a self defense mechanism we use when we know we suck. My advice to myself: suck it up.

5) have fun

some days I feel like pushing. some days i feel like taking it easy and concentrating on something else. and i am okay with every decision. im doing it because i am able to, and i enjoy it, not because i have some deadline to complete. i realize that the more i put less pressure on myself, the better i get.

today was one of those days. lousy distance, poor planning. but instead of focusing on the negatives, i decided to make it into tiny intervals. most of them didn't enjoy the set, citing too easy, too short. but I felt i put in 100% effort for it. I'm glad.

till next weekend!

improving

2010-12-10T23:00:00.000-08:00

I am improving.

Getting there, and it is amazing.

I don't even know where 'there' is.

All I know, that is feels good everytime I am stronger, faster, better.

Catching up with the big boys. Having my heart pounding like they're going to explode everytime I do. Testing myself. Not wanting to give up.

Today was a good day. started out slow and tired, dehydration mostly. but finished strong. Way above my expectations. I've never pushed myself that hard. My heart pounds like the drums in the jungle. All through it I remember to say a silent prayer to God up above for allowing me to get stronger.

I miss running. I am as fit as I was when I was in school. I would have been able to run and run and run...

great athletic weekend

2010-12-05T20:45:00.001-08:00

Over a whole year of training I have never worked out what makes me perform or fail to.

you would think i would have figured out what would be good for me during a long distance workout, what i should do more off, and what i should do less of. the thing is, i would never know. there'll be days when i give such good performance only to do completely the opposite the next week at the same route.

what i do know though, is that i cannot have breakfast for any LSD. I've tried that one and everytime i ate breakfast my performance sucked. the only thing i could swallow would be cereal... but i rather not eat at all. i seem to push myself better without any food.

also, what i could do more of is enough sleep.i think that one is a no brainer.

saturday, i went to what i thought was going to be another poor performance since last week i was completely a vegetable completing the route. but instead it was the opposite. i was fast - i felt fast. i felt good, i pushed myself, i caught up, i was HUMMING.

so what have that workout taught me? that my performance relies completely in my state of mind. no amount of breakfast, sleep or anything else could contribute to this. if i feel good or i want to feel good, then i would have a good workout. if i felt shitty and thought i sucked, then i would give an equally sucky performance.

ego is my powerbar.

my knees hurt, but i am tired of caring. i thought of all the seasoned footballers in my boyfriend's team, all of them have bad knees and everything else and yet they did not give a damn.

speaking of football, after my workout rushed to see my boyfriend's league and it was an explosive show. his team finally put down one of their deadliest rival in an amazing 8-2 score and I was caught up with the excitement of it all. my boyfriend have an amazing endurance, playing 3 90minutes game in a large field (thankfully not back to back!) And to think my 4 hour morning cardio was taxing! Football will always be one of the toughest endurance game in my opinion, since my high school cross country training followed the football training regime and we were wiped out from the circuits. We finally ended our night with a hearty meal of chicken, fish and porridge and went to sleep for sundays morning cardio (me) and a football game (him).

sunday as usual was a good workout. im a BIG GIRL playing with the big boyssss!!! (too lazy to explain)

Being Healthy: A Promise

2010-12-01T23:31:00.000-08:00

This is the part where I hate the most: when you're too engrossed in your work that everything else goes out of the window, with everything else being your healthy habits, be it body or food.

I get too tired to workout after work. But being me, there's just so much of complaining that I could handle before I take matters into my own hand.

So my work tires me out. BIG DEAL. I'm not the only one dealing with a taxing 8-5 job. I'm not the only one stuck in traffic feeling like a droopy flower in the car. Life is a choice and I can complain about how I do not have the time or how wiped out I am or I can just suck up, get myself some exercise for the benefit of my health.

"It's not the number of times you fall that matters but the number of times you
get up."--Confucius

This requires some re-arranging. I get tired after work... maybe PM exercising isn't working out for me. I remember back then when I look forward to AM cardio. I love it like no other but when I started working all that changed. But maybe, maybe I could squeeze in some earlier cardio... if I'm really so inclined.

The problem with that is: running is the only thing that works. No karate gym opens at 6 am, and I'm not bloody well going to swim in the chilly pool or skate/bike in that ungodly hour alone!

And did I forget... I can't run?

I could join classes again, make it fun, just a social thing after work, not really a workout. But I am BROKE like a broken tape player. I can't afford to spend money more than I can't afford to spend my time.

This looks bleak.

The ONLY choice is - SUCK IT UP. I guess that's what I have to settle with right now. I can't listen to myself complaining about how I miss my workouts anymore without driving me crazy. You miss your workouts? Then what are you doing laying down on the sofa with a book on your snoring face?! At 9pm!

I realize I'm talking to myself here.

So I'm putting this down right here:

I promise I will try to stick to weekend workouts. I can bail on weekday workouts if I absolutely have to, but weekend workouts are a must. I need this because your body is a temple and you have to take good care of it.
Take one workout at a time. No pressure, just go ahead and dive (or roll or punch, depending on what you have) right into it.
EATING RIGHT STARTS HERE. EATING RIGHT STARTS TODAY. No more salty, extra processed food and too many sugar intake cause Nadia are you ignorant - you're one step behind being a diabetic. Let me bold that for you.

Forgive everyone while you could. Be grateful for the smallest, least wonderful thing in your life everyday.

GET ENOUGH SLEEP.

Call your parents. Smile at strangers. Not old, aging men with too much money to spent. And no, you can't tell them apart sometimes.

Today, I will try to workout. But if I fail (because you're yet again too mentally exhausted), there's always the weekends.

Running: The Best Of

2010-11-28T02:21:00.000-08:00

Me and my whole family are all talking about this Malakoff run. This time around, few more of my cousins are joining and also my colleagues (upon my insistence).

Caught up in the excitement, sometimes I wondered if i should just forgo my 'retirement' plan and join them in the run too.

It seems that I'm retiring at the wrong moment - my sister (whom I have given up trying to make her run) has been asking me about running, and which race she should apply to.

For the millionth time after my knee injury, I wished I didn't have degenerative knee bones. Or that it's just some sort of an injury, that could get better in time. I look at other people running everyday and think, "How come they don't get any knee pain?" I regard other runners with some sort of an amazement - how could your knees take it but not mine?

Sometimes I feel like not giving a hoot and running through all the pain. But I want to be able to walk during my pregnancy (something women with bad knees like mine can't do). And I'm pretty sure there is a reason for everything, even if we can't see it yet.

So I am sticking through my promise - no running events anymore - at least, nothing that amounts to more than 3 per year. I would not completely stop running though, I think that is fairly impossible, but I would not run until I have to run. I'm pretty ok with that.

Thank You, feet, for keeping me company for 13 wonderful years. We had great moments.

Yesterday, while cleaning up my place, I found a box of things that belonged to me in high school. As is by pure coincidence, out came my sporting paraphernalia; hockey shin pads, tapes, squash balls, worn out badminton racquets, and most importantly, my running bibs.

1246 - my first ever running race number, when I was 13. It was a cross country, distance maybe 3km, and I think I finished it waaay after the event has finished. By the time I arrived, everybody was gone, and the tents were all cleared off the field. I was dumbfounded. I thought I was in Twilight Zone.

1355 - second race of the same distance, which I ran blindly without stopping trying to chase the top girl in school to no avail. My first ever trophy. I got number 13. Lucky number 13. This was the year when running started to make sense.

42:23 - my best 10km time. I was 15 and was also in field hockey. field hockey worked your endurance and speed like hell. Joining cross country was easy because we ran so much during field hockey. We had many different coaches and everyone was insane.

400m, 800m, 1500m, 4x400m - my favorite events. I HATED competing but not when I know I would win HAha! Out of the 4, 800m was the hardest because I always had a hard time pacing this distance. you burnt out going too fast too soon, but lose out when you started too slow. My winning 1500m time was 5:25. I was 16-17. My boyfriend then was the school's top runner but I had no idea I would be marrying that guy.

suicides and horses - my favorite running drills.

Bullet with Butterfly Wings (Smashing Pumpkins) - my all time favorite running song. the song started out slow but then explodes into magic. Great for tempo run.

Rancid (out come the wolves) - favorite running album. I then ran while holding a freaking discman.

Hyde Park - the best running place oversea.

After an emotional fight - the best time to do your tempo run.

Gentle Pickup - my favorite Runner's World term.

Reebok Premier Road - favorite running shoes. I have 2 of them!

5k - favorite running distance.

Writing this makes me want to run.

I spoke to one of the cyclists whom I cycle with, and he told me that he too used to run. In fact, "I used to run with the Pacesetters, even had me a running girlfriend too," he said. I asked him, "Don't you miss it?"

"You've just go find something else that hooks you the same way."

Halfhearted cardio

2010-11-27T17:31:00.000-08:00

Getting back into the workout scene regularly is quite an effort.

I was caught up with work that I arrived home quite spent. All I did was read books until it's time to turn off the lights.

I did however spend Wednesday in a much resisted but beneficial cardio. I was SO LAZY and kept finding excuses in my head to bail out on the exercise. But one thing I realized is that the trick to continuously exercise is to not think about anything at all and go through the motion. Just change your clothes, grab the equipment, and head to the destination of your sport. Start. Get pumped up.

I worked myself good last Wednesday. But I really should be eating straight between the 30 minutes after the workout. My diet is out of whack.

Saturday was a bad cardio. I slept little the night before, fitfully. i didn't manage to have dinner and the only thing I ate was breakfast. I slept wrongly, woke up with a veryyyy sore and stiff neck. It hurts to do most stuff. But still I dragged myself to meet my friends because damn it if I was to miss out on a routine workout. In the middle of it I got my period. Cramps arrived. So it was a testing effort trying to finish, to keep up, all the while trying to ignore the cramps in my gut and my neck and the fact that I'm totally hungry.

I realized I'm sort of a mess lately. Today I slept in, mostly because I have an early wedding to attend to, and also both my cramps did not let up. I'm aching all over, joints and all. I'm a 90 yr old grandma.

The only good thing about my health lately is that when they did the whole measurement, etc, my body age amounted to 20 yrs old and my visceral body fat is 2%. I think my BMI is 18... but we all know BMI is horribly misjudged.

Retiring with a PB

2010-11-22T04:03:00.000-08:00

Yes I got my Personal Best, thank you Penang Bridge.

I would never ever run the same long distance route twice (21km and above) but Penang bridge is something else. The route is never boring, never mentally challenging, and always feels SHORT. To me, that is the best kind of race ever. Of course, I've only done it twice but both times I finished it happy and elated.

7pm: Met my friends who went back to penang for a wedding. They took us out for cheese naan and butter chicken and nasi beriyani kambing. Tasty.

The only picture in this post and it's not even on running.

10pm: Went to sleep after carefully arranging my running outfit. Realized I forgot to bring my running pouch or whatever you call it where you can stuff your cellphone and counterpain. Damn it, I think, back to stuffing my sports bra again. I have decided to run in my vibrams. Forgot to bring my Vaseline to smear my feet with. I guess I'll have to bear the pain of blisters all over again like that Sundown nightmare. Well, at least it's for half the distance, I consoled myself.

When I woke up,it was already 236am. I rushed, forgetting to eat any breakfast at all. In the car managed to swallow half a banana and a swig of coffee. Left my car somewhere in front of Gold Coast Resort. It was 3.06, and the half marathon male were already running.

I realized I left my bottled water in the car. At the starting line I grabbed one of the bottles lying by the roadside. Thank God I'm not squeamish.

When we were flagged off, I quickly look for someone to pace on. My plan was to start fast so that even when I get tired I won't be too far behind (what a stupid strategy... but hey whatever works). I saw these 2 girls in the 'right' running gear - the Zensah calf thingies, beeping monitors, even the Running for Orang Asli sign. I am sure they are in the 'in' running crowd, therefore, would run a good proper race. I latched on.

They kept a quick and steady pace. Discussing about this and that, mostly about running and running events. One of them were faster than the other and she quickly left us. I was glad to follow the slower friend. In my heart I hoped she won't go any faster.... it's only the first km!

When we reached the bridge my spirits soared. It's near the end! Only a u-turn and back again. Already the blisters were forming and my Plantar fasciitis (sukahati la spelling macamana pon) started to rear. I dropped the Orang Asli friend (the only way to describe her) when we went up the bridge. I have to go faster here as I plan to walk all the way down. My knees, what else?

All the way running up there was this black lady - a foreigner - who grunts. She grunted so loud that the runners near us (I was running just beside her) would turn to look. I wondered why - to say that the incline was so bad it was just a fart of a hill. She didn't look too exhausted. Yet she grunted, until I started to feel embarrassed. It sounded like full fledge porn movie and I was the co-star... I mean I was standing next to her. I quickly dropped her. Nope, did not even grunt.

Walked all the way down, looking at all the other runners I passed charging past. I wistfully wished that my knees weren't such grandmas. Oh well, you do what you can, right? One lady ran smoothly down. Your knees, you idiot! I felt like shouting to her.

I was just jealous.

The rain started. First it danced softly on us, then it showered. And then it roared, pouring. Pelting. After the u-turn, everybody ran looking down at their feet, like shuffling zombies. But everybody was running at this point! I think somewhere between last year and this year more Malaysians have been running... nobody seemed to walk. Damnit.

I was secretly happy it was raining so hard because I won't be the only one suffering with blisters so great. I secretly laughed at those wearing shoes with socks... my condolence.

Everybody was soaked, whoever wanted to mandi wajib, would have gotten so. Not a single thing was spared. To my horror I realized that I was wearing white... and you can see my blue sportsbra as clear as day. I might as well be running without my t-shirt on! I only hoped you cannot see the outline of my underwear as well. They're all running looking down anyways right?

Right.

Going up the second incline, I ran beside an uncle who... grunted all the way up. What wrong with me? I thought. Why do I always get stuck with groaning uphill runners?

The buns were soaked. But I was hungry, plus, I needed something to down my actifast. Yes, I cheated. I took a painkiller to blur the blister pains away. My apologies.

The bun was very soggy, cold and tasted like wet paper. I swallowed them without thinking.

At the end of the second downhill a guy spoke to me. He was doing the full marathon, and asking me questions, trying to make a conversation. I didn't get the point; granted this is a social event but it's 5 am in the morning and I feel bad slowing you down. When he left me I hoped the reason he talked to me at all is NOT because of my transparent blue sports bra.

The U-turn back! yay, so near to the end. I started to feel cramps coming up in my leg. Of course, since the only thing I took was water, and bread. Couldn't find any shop in Penang that carries ORS. So I ran it drinking water and 100 plus, hoping 100plus is enough to keep cramps at bay.

600m to the finishing line, I saw this lady runner who looked like the younger version of Kak June. Short hairt, gorgeous body, the works. She kept a steady pace, and I still had it in me. Suddenly I felt like I wanted to show her what finishing in style means. I surged ahead, cutting her, speeding up. Huh, baru kau tau pentingnyer speedwork! I thought smugly.

Then the cramps hit. BAD. At my calves. I stopped abruptly and hobbled jerkily. The lady runner ran past me without even a glance. I was left eating my medicine and it is bitter! I bet she was mentally laughing her ass off.

I hobbled to the finishing line.

Result: 2 hours 35 minutes... a full 30 minutes off my average half-marathon timing. YAYYY terrenyer akuuuu.

Why I think it happened:

1) acupuncture?

2) painkiller? It helped to keep my knee pain in control.

3) good pacers - the orang asli and various other lady runners I wished I could beat.

4) butter cheese naan

5) i just enjoyed this race.

6) good fitness base? eventhough without any lari at all since september.

Anyway like the title said this will be my last half marathon race. I have decided to gantung kasut and only run in events with my dad instead. We'll see how it goes. I hope we will all still be friends. I would still be writing in here.

I would definitely be joining on all the weekend activities, so don't tak ajak!

how did you guys do?

Revisiting

2010-11-20T01:38:00.001-08:00

I am here in Penang.

The last time I went here, I had no expectations and did not really know anyone. Just another person who was trying her luck with running 'events'. I survived my first half-marathon - no, I enjoyed it to be very honest. It was fun, calming, soothing, and sleepy at times.

I befriended an uncle named PK, who had scaled Annapurna and Everest 4 times.... or something.

I am back here again to scale the bridge in the middle. This time around, I came not as a runner, but as someone who enjoys running. I did not train, at all. The whole week I was caught up with work and house stuff and family I did not even do a single cardio.

I ate a lot and called it carbo loading. Nasi Lemak Village Park, Nasi Dagang ss19 kak jah, Dominos Pizza, Nasi Kandar Emak Nuh, etc.

I totally have no goals or vision, but of course, if I could actually finish in good timing... I wouldn't sabotage that chance either. It's just that I know what I will get with the kind of time and hours I put (or lack of) for this event. I am aiming to at least get the medal, failing which, I will unload my misery and shame on the various of penang food.

Good luck to all marathoners!!

Penang: makan and lari!

2010-11-18T03:56:00.000-08:00

I have not been sedentary. Only in this blog. Truth to be told I have been happy. And busy. Happily busy, or busily happy, however you want to see it.

Week days were spent with me doing karate, yoga, pilates, in-line skating, going to dance classes, kickboxing. Weekends, I usually play in the pool with my cousins. No distance measured, only pure exertion as we played 'water polo' and 'Tok Harimau'.

I will arrive home from work exactly at 535pm. From there, I would either grab my skates or my hand wraps and proceed. It is refreshing to be doing stuff that doesn't really feel like a workout. To not really care about time or anything at all. On good days I would be skating endlessly for three hours, coming back after it has turned dark. Would not realize how taxing it was until I woke up with sore thighs and abs the next day. Or I would be hitting the kickboxing gym for drills. It is more social than anything. If there was any good looking guys I found myself working extra hard.

I have DNSed 3 events. I never do this, three events back. And I realized that I seemed to have lost the will to be in a race. For the moment, I much rather wake up at 530am doing the things I love doing without parting money or putting on a bib.

But, come this Sunday I would be in Penang for the Penang Bridge Marathon baby! Doing a 21k, which I planned to hit it as eassssyyyyy as I could. I target to finish it arouns 3 or 3 hrs 20 minutes. The faster, the better, but not pushing. To tell you the truth, the last time I ran, it was on September 25th, for the 5k Big Fun Run.

I hope to meet the rest of you people that I have been missing. Who's going? (or to be more frank, still reading this blog?)

Due Update

2010-11-10T21:44:00.000-08:00

I have been Internet-less for a few days now ever since moving into my own space. The office blocks out most pages I want to access, blogger included. Thank God for my trusty old manual cardio journal.

Saturday:

The distance got the best of me. I never liked this route, mostly because it messes up with my pacing. I am never good in pacing. If it's a loooong steady incline, I always get winded haflway up. If it's a flat road I lose steam after charging fast the first few kms. If it's downhill I get bored with all the going down. No, pacing is never my strong suit, and that is unfortunate.

The first few times where I paced correctly the result was sweet. I'm still trying to figure out at which point I should surge ahead and when I should hold back to accumulate potential energy (chewah!). I ended Saturday workout with a half-hearted joy. Maybe it is just the route.

Sunday:

Met my favourite girls and we got started. The pace was quick and easy, and I was caught by my own joy of empty highways and vast open space. The weather was good. I liked it, but I wish it was hotter. I would have enjoyed it more if the sun was scorching on my back. I like suffering during exercising... isn't it the whole point? Pushing to your limits when you 'train'?

A girl whose blog I frequently read writes about always trying to max out yourself when you train. You will never know how far you can go if you didn't try. Well, I'm not training for anything specific nor do I want to beat any of my (so-called) records but I am intrigued by the thought of just getting better, stronger, faster. I worked on my form. I emulated the better ones. I mimicked closely what they did. And I gave when I simply just couldn't push it anymore. That Sunday was a first for me, giving up and stopping. But instead of feeling deflated, I felt positive, knowing that there is a room for me to improve.

I like having benchmarks. I like knowing you've leaped further than you did before.

Monday was a much needed rest. I slept in late, had a good fest of a lunch, spent some quality time with my family and boyfriend, and then watched a movie. Idris Elba was so hot in Takers. I don't really like accents but I like the fact that he's tall. Harris says he walks like he has a tennis ball stuffed between his crotch and I was like, You don't say...

Tuesday:

Fast cardio! But I took it easy, because I have promised a friend I would. We were always in it together, the same level, the same goals. One of the better, stronger ones, also stuck with us, kept at our pace. I can't believe she took it easy. She's a powerhorse. We slalomed all the ups and downs, curves and bends, laughing, making jokes, feeling like the night is ours. At the end of the workout the Powerhorse started to up the intensity, and I followed suit. Like I said, I just wanted to test myself, see if I could beat myself, and get a good workout while I'm at it. I hung on to her for a good 2 minutes, breathing hard, feeling dizzy.

It felt great however. I believe that I am slowly getting better. Inch by inch, my stamina is improving. Slowly but surely, I am able to cover more grounds. I am, more or less, back to where I was.

Long weekend!

2010-11-05T02:38:00.000-07:00

I love long weekend like a fat kid loves cake.

Well, who am I kidding. Not only fat kids love cake - a lot of people does! I happen to LOVE cheesecake. Especially homemade cheesecake. The one where you can decide how much cream cheese gets to be in.

Thursday:

I did, cough cough, weights. That means gym, and that means boring. I was emailing my yoga teacher back and forth about having a strength training withdrawal. She is out of Malaysia for the moment and I don't think she will be back anytime soon. Now this lady, she gave me awesome strength training routine. I mean it. Everytime I was in her class I lost whatever confidence I have about my fitness. My arms shook like noodles softening in a pot of hot water, my legs quiver like I just met the love of my life, I kept on farting during stomach sets... that was how bad that lady tortured us.

I miss it. I miss walking out of the class feeling like I could pummel a beefy dude 50 pounds over me.

She suggested that I do weights. She gave me a detailed list of what I have to do, reps and sets you could find anywhere in fitness magazines. I looked at my book and it says Run on Thursdays but I wasn't in the mood to run. Or rather, my knees were not in the mood to run. You think you're a slave to your cats or kids every whims? Try having a dodgy pair of knees. THEY tell you when you should run, how long and how far. They DECIDE which shoes you're going to wear and on what surface you're going to pound them on. I believe I am able to take care of babies from now on.

Because it was a Run day which means cardio which means heart pumping, I jumped on the elliptical machine. This doesn't really hurt the knees that much and it's really a boring workout, but beggars can't be choosers. I selected Interval and spent the next 30 minutes figuring out what is it about the elliptical movements that made you sweat. Also I watched the trees swaying. And one dude picking up trash. Lovely. Uplifting.

Friday:

I had fun. What's new today? I had more power. Also, I was faster. Yes. I think I was a tad speedier than I was 2 days back. Also, my legs felt strong, upper body not complaining. All in all, it was a good workout and I enjoyed the sun shining on my face and everywhere that was uncovered. The only bad thing was I didn't put on sunscreen and it ate me even until now. Keep it up and Harris is going to marry a wrinkled up leather handbag.

What I had: milo ice, 100 plus, 1/4 cliff bars (chocolate brownie), 3 chocolate chips cookies, 2 plates of Nasi Lemak.

I have to keep track of my food intake because I'm not healthy. So excuse me should this blog turns into a food journal of sorts.

Unfit but getting there!

2010-11-04T08:18:00.000-07:00

Tuesday:

OUT OF SHAPE.

Those were the words screaming repeatedly in my ears Tuesday night as I did my much-sought-after-but-hardly-indulge cardio workout.

Let me just lay this on the floor: I knew where my fitness is, I knew I'm so far behind, and I knew I have to put in effort just to be where I was before (before what? I have no idea too).

But that night was a shock to my cardiovascular system. 2 minutes into starting, as always, I felt bile at the base of my throat, my chest tightened, and I fought to keep my breathing even. Classic signs of out-of-shape, too much rest, too much hours working, so-called weekend warrior.

I started to entertain the idea of giving up. I have a LOOONG way to go, and the route's not exactly easy anyway. I was left behind, alone, and the only thing that I could think of is a ghost attack. I hate night workouts.

But I hate giving up more. I COULD FINISH THIS, I told myself fiercely. Doggedly.

Thank God a friend came ambling along. He would accompany me, he said, plus, I'm not in the mood lately, burnt out I guess. I don't mind following your pace.

I'm so unfit, I gasped.

Don't worry, he said. You'll get back to it after a few more repeats.

1 hour and 40 minutes later, I finished it. The unforgiving, take no prisoners, no mercy kind of a workout even for seasoned athletes.

You know what I love? The fact that I loved the hardest, most difficult parts of the whole thing. The fact that instead of feeling like I have to slog through it dreadfully, I went at it head on and horns thrusted.

Wednesday:

Sometimes I wonder where I find the motivation behind all these routine. I mean, look at me - I am no paid athlete. I do not have a race coming up soon, and even if I do I end up forgetting it or missing it out. But I still rely on these routines.

Big help for Wednesday was writing down exactly what I want to do with my workout time. Listing out the drills, the time and the RPE I expect to achieve makes it easier for me to just go ahead with the workout instead of worrying in the middle of it what to do next. It's like having a coach except that this coach knows you reallly well.

I also planned to push this workout hard. I want to be tired at the end.

For the first time in a decade, I also timed myself. Haven't been doing that because I didn't see a point of it.

The session went well. I did not cheat one bit, except to change one set because my knees were hurting (paranoia). I took my time to stretch and really stretch the muscles between sets. I made sure my heart was pounding furiously or else I'd give myself one more set just to piss me off even more.

I worked so hard that I had trouble keeping my eyes open during dinner.

And today I ate Nasi Lemak and 2 slices of Pepperoni Pizza.

additional: Dinner is nasi goreng! Damn tasty.

Awakening

2010-11-01T15:17:00.000-07:00

It was a nice Sunday.

I had a late night the day before. Hung out with my friends and boyfriend and it has been a long time since we all met up. Harris asked me if I was going to workout tomorrow. This is how it's like with the both of us. At the start of our night out we'd ask each other this question: Are you going to workout tomorrow? because then whether we stay out late or not depends highly on this question. I told him, I don't know, and to be honest, I really didn't. I wanted to work out, but I haven't hung out with my friends for a long time and felt like... being a carefree young trash and staying up late. Instead of clocking in early because I have to wake up at 5am.

I think I came back at around 230am. I told myself while stumbling to my bed, I'm NOT going to do anything but sleep tomorrow. There's no way.

I think about a few minutes later, I woke up to the sound of the alarm and it says 545am. And without thinking I sat up with a start, and tell myself, If you don't drag yourself out of the bed you'd regret it for the rest of your life. Yes, I was being dramatic but I really needed the push.

It was the best decision made. For the first time in my life I arrived early. I think I was the first one to arrive. Met the usual group of people - people I haven't seen for months! They all greeted me and I felt like, hey I miss this. It's not often I like doing social workouts but here I was, milking the attention of being out of the scene for quite some time.

So we started. And to be honest I have been gone so long I didn't care about time or pace or what have yous. All I know is that I just wanted to have fun and push myself the hardest I can push. I compare myself to no one except only me. I began assessing how I feel and how better it felt the hotter it gets, the harder it feels and the longer it goes. I left my friends at the back and quickly settled at the front. I knew nobody there - mostly males, a couple of females. I felt strangely elated pushing through the hardest of the routes, especially amidst the groans of other people, especially if they were males. I didn't care if in actuality we were all slow I was having the time of my life. I felt fine. I felt like I was in a race, racing. I still have it, I tell myself, elated at the thought of being able to sustain the pace and the position of being at the front.

I just needed proper nutrition, that is all. All throughout the whole thing I could feel the cramps slowly sneaking to my calves and my thighs and my stomach, thanks to my only water nutrition plan and only a bar of oats in the car on the way to the place. When we went uphill I was careful not to clench anything I shouldn't clench. I kept my breathing even.

I was so proud of myself that day.

And here I am, craving for more. The Sunday workout has awakened the fire in me, stirring up the kind of passion I have sidelined for other things in my life temporarily. The fact that I held on, pushed hard and could go as far as I did that is a preview of what I could do with proper training and nutrition.

I want to see that goal achieved.

Keputusan Lari Hari Sabtu

2010-10-30T03:42:00.000-07:00

Gagal.

Alasan:period pain

Sebab benar: Malas

Akhirnya makan nasi dagang ss19 dengan emak.

Balik rumah register race event untuk bulan2 depan.

(Sadomasochism)

Macam mana nak race, kalau asyik duduk atas sofa lepas makan, well fed but brain dead.

Dah dua event DNS ni. Macam best pulak register and dapat baju free, pastu gi kerja on that day. hahah yeah right.

House Arrest

2010-10-29T06:48:00.000-07:00

Today's planned workout had a premature death. I planned to have a very quick run before I start my day.

Instead, today's workout consisted of painting about 5 walls (upper body toning) and rearranging furniture (strength training). Also threw in 20 minutes of fast walking (a tense and panicked run through at the hardware shop). Hey, in this era of the the modern working woman, I'll take exercise any way I can. Even if it means doing calf raises while brushing my teeth... or waiting for my conditioner to soak in.

I had a day off today just so that I can settle my new place as soon as I can. I never knew painting walls can be so tiring! My arms were shaking from lifting them up for prolonged periods. I salute both my parents for single handedly painting their house inside AND out!

My cardio plans for tomorrow will have to be shelved as well since there's just so many things to do and I don't have the luxury of more than 1 hour to spare. But what I can do is to squeeze in a quick run tomorrow morning before the havoc starts.

have a good weekend everyone.

Racing against the sunset

2010-10-28T10:21:00.000-07:00

Ironically all the things I want to write about over here kind of disappears when I am staring at the screen. The thoughts were overflowing in my head all the time while I work out - random things like pesky short lane swimmers, after work cardio, motivation, etc, but now I can't seem to express them clearly.

Needless to say, I have not been so successful in making my cardio rountine a, well, routine. The last time I ran, I ran in a different time zone, with a totally busted weather. Plans of doing cardio yesterday was foiled since I was trapped out of the house without my keys... left it in my luggage bag (the perils of traveling so much in a short time).

Today I managed to sneak in some cardio. Nothing fancy, nothing major, I told myself I just wanted to get my body warmed up. Get used to the whole intensive training again. I missed having tan lines on my body.

No one was around when I arrived, save for a couple and their kids. The sun was slowly setting; I arrived late. I warmed up quick, doing my usual 5 laps. Then I did the easiest main set I would do if I'm in a hurry and need a simple workout - long and slow. Forget timing, forget form, just the distance. It was good to be in tune with myself again, although at some parts I flter and my form faltered, I managed to keep myself together. While doing the last 2 laps I remember an entry from a blogger about riding in the evening and racing the sunset. With the sun setting and no one else around, I felt a little spooked. So I raced with my sunlight. I sped through the last 2, making sure I did not let go completely on the form. As always I enjoyed the furious beating of my heart when it's over!

Stretched. I should get my favorite pilates teacher come over for a session. Her classes were the reason why I never had a problem jumping into races and events with no preparations.

Great Cold

2010-10-22T08:26:00.000-07:00

Today I was adamant: I WILL drag myself out for a run or a something, no matter what.

Woke up early - went for a great breakfast, then changed. I thought of running around the area of my hotel, which is really pretty and easy to remember, but it was just TOO cold so I went to the gym.

Damn boring. I sighed so much while on the elliptical machine, the guy next to me asked, "How many percentage of the world's problems are you shouldering?" But I managed to slough through 30 minutes of cardio. I was sweating profusely.

Outside, the sun was up and shining. Well, my body's all warmed up, so I went for a quick run around the area. Past the shopping malls, the metro station, the really nice neighborhood area. It was still very cold, but it was too pretty to stop. I wish I had my camera with me.

I didn't know how far or how long I ran. If I had to guess, maybe it was around 25 minutes... or less, since I get tired more in cold weather.

I ran in my Champion C9 sports bra. AWESOMENESS. Oh, I wish I can buy all their running equipments for women.

The Great List

2010-10-21T06:53:00.000-07:00

I have tried running while I'm here in the states. Results:

1) Jet lag. I couldn't sleep and if I fell asleep I wake up about 2 hours after... at 3am and stay awake the whole time. By the time 8am rolled in, my head was pounding and I am already tired.

2) Run foiled due to long hours of work. One time we finished at 11pm! (we did start at 11am but still...)

3) Day 4-6: WORK.

4) Too cold. This is my weakness. I can't stand cold weather. I do really well in extreme heat and humidity that I have given my cold weather abilities away. I stepped out of my hotel room to run and scurry back into my room and warm toasty bed.

There was a 10k Halloween run in St. Louis the second day I was here. It looked nice, from the news.

The best thing about United States is the shopping. Ever since I was a kid and into sports, reading their fitness magazines made me wish I could live there. Here is my wish list:

1) Total 9, Underarmour and Champion sports bras: 'Nuff said. Sports bras in Malaysia are pussies compared to what they have here. Even Singapore doesn't stock them. Not all Asian females are tiny! Plus, being sportswomen don't really equal being flat chested. The best thing ever? The name of the best seller sports bra - The Last Resort. hahahahha!! Thank God it's not as vile as Supper Strappers or something.

2) Yoga/Pilates stuff: Cheaper, more variety.

3) More colorful jerseys/attire. YEAY!!

The only thing I managed to buy because I'm so busy with work: Clif Bars.

I've always wanted to taste Clif bars ever since 2 of my favorite super athletes blogged about them. Too lazy to properly research whether Singapore has them or not, I silently bid my time until this trip. Once I arrived, I bee-lined to the Sports Performance aisle in the store and sure enough, CLif bars are all lined up, calling my name. The one I got is Chocolate Brownie, and it tastes like chewy Milo and oatmeal. Perfect for my long periods of cardio!

Will try to run if work permits today.

Thief!

2010-10-16T00:11:00.000-07:00

Somebody pretended to be me and took my Mizuno race kit.

I am at the airport, waiting for my flight, and my dad called to tell me that the organizers said that somebody has already taken my race kit... yesterday (he was at UPM when he called). Do they have a race kit pick up yesterday? Who would simply take what is mine?

Granted, I am not running, but I have planned to give it to either my cousin or sister to run in my behalf. Now all of us is disappointed.

Oh well. To those who are running, run well! I am going to endure long hours of flight. Thank God I LOVE airplane food.

See you... I don't know when.

Psst: anybody knows anyone who doesn't want to run SCSM? Hit me up.

9 breaths

2010-10-13T08:57:00.000-07:00

At work, I wrote to myself:

Today you will workout. You will try to do a one hour of cardio, but you can always settle on your 'at-least-it's-done' 30 minutes. Nothing shorter, because I know you are stronger than that.

Truth to be told, I was lazy. I was mostly tired from work, and I didn;t really sleep well, I am still recovering from a gastric attack, etc. But I needed to slot that one quick cardio in. I knew how good it feels at the end.

So I did not give time for myself to think. I just stopped work, drove, changed and got to move. And what do you know I loved it. I think I tortured myself quite badly. I felt like fainting. Then I got headaches. I was definitely hard on myself. What I like to do was to imagine that I have an upcoming tough race to participate and my coach was the same one I had for track in high school. He was brutal and he yelled at your ass to GET THE LEGS MOVING!

My workout dynamics have certainly changed now. I have no idea when, and how, but I do know why. I want to get faster and better. I want to be stronger. No longer do I take it slow and steady, training my already solid mental and physical endurance. I enjoy speedier, short bursts of anything now. I like finishing a workout with my heart burning.

I did not burn enough today. I kind of regret that now.

Ever since I read about pushing one's own limit, I am obsessed with the idea of testing myself. I never did that - test my limits. I never HAD to, or wanted to. I was happy doing my sports and coming in last for all it's worth. I didn't want to beat anybody; I just wanted a workout. The only time I found myself tested was during the sundown marathon and that was because I was underprepared. I survived pretty much anything because I know I couldn't stop.

But suddenly I find myself loving this pressure. Wanting the pressure, needing the push. I am not satisfied if I got home with energy left to do laundry, watch Tv, etc. I want to be hammered.

I have to miss out two of the upcoming events that I'd already PAID for thanks to work. But it's an overseas trip so I'm not really complaining, plus I know I would enjoy the FAT (that's factory acceptance test). I'd be bringing my fivefingers and I wish I can bring my other boyfriend but he's quite heavy and won't fold easily. Oh well.

I still have 2 and a half more days before I disappear for 11 days! Make them worth it!

Marathon Marriage

2010-10-12T07:02:00.000-07:00

We endured the marathon just like we endured our marriage.

The first few kilometers, we were high as a kite, excited to embark on this journey that will CHANGE OUR LIVES. We held hands, excited to be in this long and arduous journey together. We were well prepared; ointments for cramps and hydration and everything else you need for an event of this magnitude. We were confided, young, happy, and oblivious to what was in store for us.

In the middle of it, gone were our rhythmic pace. We were no longer in sync; no longer running on the same wavelength. We didn't see eye to eye - you said maybe we should hold on and refuel later; I was more careful and suggested that we should stop and drink now. When I stopped for cramps and blisters you barked at me. I got annoyed when you had to tie your shoelace for the millionth of times. We only agreed on one thing: there were so few of the goddamn water stations.

I was thinking maybe we needed personal help.

Kilometer 30: absolutely nothing was beautiful. I couldn't remember why I thought this was so exciting, why I thought spending all this time with you was worthwhile. I couldn't even remember why I fell in love with you. Our flaws and ugliness reared their heads. You snapped at everything. I cried and then got silent. We were distant even though side by side, and I was unable to break that wall. Cramps started to camp in my body parts - calves, stomach, neck. I missed the early times we were together. Have our patience waned when our energy dropped?

26.2. When we reached the chute, my heart soared. You held my hand; gingerly we ran the last few meters together. Crossing this line, we came to an understanding. Our marriage, like the marathon we ran, will never be easy. We will lock heads over strategies and decisions. I will bonk hard and you will cramp out. There will be few water stations and many lonely and desolate moments. We will be faced against our darkest inner demons. But giving up was never an option. We will suffer through this marathon of our marriage, over and over again with the will to make it to the end. We can always train for it. Our love will get us through it.

Even if we have to finish it crawling.

benchmark

2010-10-09T01:47:00.000-07:00

Went to my benchmark route today. Small group, just the way I like it. I'm pretty sure my fitness has waned but I didn't know how much. This route will tell all. This route stays fixed.

It was obvious that while my endurance is still around, I have completely lost the leg power. They just. Won't. Move. Any. More. I suffered on parts I didn't normally suffer. Suffered earlier than I normally would.

I seriously want to get better at this.

The best part, of course, was the conversation at the end of the exercise. I love friends with benefit... fitness off the bed benefit, that is.

Dilemma

2010-10-08T01:59:00.000-07:00

Work or sports? Work or sports? You know what I'll choose in a heartbeat, but then again I can't neglect work because it supports my sports financially.

Oh no.

I have skipped 2 of my registered events because of work and its so-called obligations. Mostly due to clashing dates more than lack of training. I can race without much training, but I can't race if I'm not physically present!

At work, I have been dealing back and forth regarding this overseas trip I have to make. I was supposed to go last month, then postponed to first week of October, then Oct 11th, and now Oct 18th!

Desaru tri, Hooha Run, etc.

It's too late to register for the events I 'thought' I would miss for the next 2 weekends. But I would be missing 2 events that I REALLY WANT TO GO. Unless I rush back straight home. But this isn't a Melbourne-KL flight. I don't even bother to calculate the missing hours!

Kenapa kenapa kenapaaaa. Haih.
Drama seribu kali pon won't change a single thing.
That is life to you and ain't it funny.

Running in my head

2010-10-07T18:55:00.000-07:00

Did not manage to do anything yesterday night. Got out of work late, and by then too tired to do anything.

This entry might be beneficial just to me, as I am going to write about the best moments I remember from working out. I always do this when I get stuck in a rut I can't seem to shake out of. I think the motivation I get from recycling the high of past workouts helps.

The Big Fun Run run, Sep 26th.
I wasn't really nervous about this race. Firstly, it's a 5k, a distance I'm pretty sure I could cover easily. Secondly, I'm running with my sisters, whihc means that if I was so out of shape I could easily turn this to be a fun family thing and run with them. Thirdly, I did not have any pressure on myself. No goals, no target. Of course, I wanted to run faster - who doesn't? But I'm never going to beat myself up if I didn't.

We were late to arrive; the race started at 11am (can you imagine, so late in the day?) and when we stepped foot on the park we only get to see the last of the runners shuffling away. I ran to the starting point. I was slightly disappointed; secretly I have wanted to start the race proper and run my best. After jogging with my sisters for about 1 minute feeling dejected (not to mention that I lost my Oyster card) they persuaded me to run on my own. I did not need any more push after that.

I ran. Hard. I ran. Fast. I ran. Happy. There were 2 female runners also latecomers - their pace were good, indicating that they run regularly. I followed them. My legs started to warm up. And then without meaning to I passed the girls. So many walkers at this point - the runners have all shot up 5 minutes ahead of me. I picked up pace, did not even know why I was so careless, why I didn't pace properly. All I knew is I just wanted to see how far I could run this hard, this much.

The wind was cold, my fingers numb. My heart started to burn. Somebody yelled out, "Nice form! Keep it up!" and I surged forward, harder. I realized I missed this part of myself, this identity I have left behind, unwillingly at times. The sprinter in me. I could only remember running so strong like this when I was in school. Doing mile-repeats. Vomiting water at the end of it. Happiness by the kilometers. My knees don't allow me to do this anymore. Now sometimes when I look at other female runners my age running strong I felt a twinge, thinking that I could never have that so good now. Oh well.

I slowed down a notch at kilometer 4. Just a notch. 3 weeks of being dormant. The wind was so cold by then, I can't barely feel the sweat trinkling down my back. I didn't think I sweat much. Is it going to be over already? So soon? Maybe this is why I run slow now. I hate having to end a run so fast. I want more time, to summon my old high school track team moniker - Nadia Bullet! Skinny but speedy, always steady. Always steady. My bicycle is named Steady Eddy.

When I arrived at the chute I lifted up my arms in the kind of joy only I know. Nobody took my picture; I had to ask for the goodie bag. But I was a winner already, I felt good.

Between Want and Can't

2010-10-07T02:43:00.000-07:00

When I say General Comeback, I really meant all out, like 5 days per week minimum.

Instead, I've only managed to squeeze 1 workout since that glorious welcome home cardio. 2, if you count walking the whole of IKEA yesterday night (mild cardio) and lugging around heavy shelves, and the likes (strength training).

I thought I would freak out with this lack of exercise. I mean, losing one workout on my two workout per day used to drive me crazy. But I guess back then I was really crazy, and didn't know how to alleviate the situation. It's like a bad relationship you just didn't know how to get out of. Thank God now I'm slightly sensible. I DNS 2 events I'd already signed up and paid for... without a huge remorse. Which means I still feel remorse, but not so big.

I would say that it is all work like the rest of the fatties who complain about lack of time. But it's only 60% true. Work does take out a lot from me, but not exactly my time as much as my energy. I would arrive home so mentally exhausted than I want nothing else but to change into my ratty old pants and snuggle on my bed. Only then I realized how FREE I was before at work.

Also other things, like my apartment, and social obligations. Things like that. Heck, I'll even throw in some entertainment and my cat into the picture. They did not get any Q time with me before. I went back to one of my entries and realized that my sister has left this comment which I overlooked:

"hello i'm the long suffering sister/housemate of this bloody woman. Hardly ever see her kurus ass, all the free time she has is devoted to sports (lari la, kayuh basikal la, swimming la) and her boyfriend. We used to at least once a week watch movies, but not anymore. She's always home late from cycling trips - i feel sad :( "

So we watch movies now... and we're happy. That is, after we have our walk/run thing on Thursdays. It is a deal.

I am getting a whole lot of my officemates involved in this running thing. I like their 'n00bie'-ness: calling 5k a Marathon, thinking they're going to faint after 2k, etc. We're probably going to run together on a simple race end of this year... I'm looking at Malakoff 7k. Of course, I want to do the 12k. Legs have been itching to run lately, but I really have to be careful with them - can't use them too often or else they'd quit on me.

Comeback

2010-10-02T22:18:00.000-07:00

What a great day for a comeback to general fitness again.

This morning, played with my snooze button a few times. After a long hibernation, I was not used to waking up at this ungodly hour just to physically exert myself. But I reminded myself of the high I will get after this is over.

It's so good meeting old friends. I actually miss the social banter I get from this group, after nearly a year of spending Saturday/Sundays with them. Not to mention the juicy gossips - which I hardly ever indulge in - that circulates while I'm not around.

The weather was good, which is a first because my only experience with this route has always been scorching hot. It was a fairly big group, which quickly separated into the Serious and the Social. I lagged behind, aware of where my fitness is.

It was a route I've been before; the day I met most of the people in this group. I remember this route well; one thing, back then to me it was laden with inclines after inclines. Secondly, the roads were under construction then. I suffered so much when I took it the first time.

It's not so bad today, even with my 2 months hiatus. I kept an easy pace, with an equally warm mindset - it's always the mindset isn't it. I don't know about you but my performance relies heavily on mindset. I could be out of it for months but could still hold on with a great mindset, but also I could be constantly fit but bonked out thanks to lack of will and spirit.

I don't really need a Powergel. I need brain food: motivation.

Anyway, there's nothing much to say. I enjoyed the whole thing. Immensely. So much, that on the long stretch of road when I was alone, I found myself belting out a song with high notes out loud AND off-key. That's how much I know I love what I'm doing - I can be my natural true self, horrible voice or not.

Stirred

2010-09-29T15:06:00.000-07:00

Starting over is my favorite part of this whole game.

The stacking workouts. The increase of distance, repetitions, intensity. The back to back routine.

The hurt to get there.

People ask me, "Are you a professional athlete? Are you doing sports competitively? Why the training to get better if you're not going to race/win?"

Because I want to. And in my world, I am the number one athlete, and that's enough.

Fun 5k Run

2010-09-28T03:22:00.000-07:00

I was born in the middle of two very girlie sisters.

Maybe not girlie, but definitely not into sports like me.

This trip to visit our youngest sister in London was planned by my eldest sister. Being quite the shopper that she is (with the amount of shoes rivaling Imelda Marcos) 90% of our itinerary consists of shopping and more shopping. I didn't complain one bit, not even when they made multiple stops along one single road and when I had to attend to their questions of whether this looks nicer or whether this fits? Being a girl, I too, did some shopping of my own. I might be a cardio freak, but I do know my brogues from my Brooks (not that I have one, but in the interest of making this sounds better...)

My sisters in their natural state

On the second last day of our trip, I cajoled, coaxed, and last but not least, forced them to enter a running event with me.

It's a small, family-driven, charity-centered run that runs throughout the UK (about 24 races) and all runs are 5km. It's called the Big Fun Run, and the one we went was held in Victoria Park, London. We were all unprepared; little sister does not even have a proper pair of running shoes, eldest sister borrowed my running pants and I ran - for the first and LAST time ever - without a sports bra on. God. Plus, we were late to start, about 5 minutes after the buzzer sounded. When we arrived we saw only the last throng of runners.

I'll let the pictures do the talking:

On the way to the tube. Notice my little sister hiding behind.

The most reluctant participant, if you don't count a blustery 5-yr-old crying, "I want to go home Mommy!!"

My youngest sister running alongside me at the starting. Her only preparation was a steady 30mins of walking everyday to/from work/college.

One of the runners! He ran for Children's Autism Support
Group, I think.

One of the first few runners who already made the turn back.

The cheerful, rambunctious supporters. One of them went, "She's taking our picture! Wave!"

This photographer and I played snap snap with each other.

I ran a good race, eventhough it was a late start. From the first minute I ran faster than my normal pace and told myself to maintain it. The weather was COLD, the wind was STIFF and my fingers felt numb and I didn't think I sweated at all.

I finished the race in 25 mins, my 5k PB hahaha!

My youngest sister arrived not long after I did - such a natural runner, and in Converse and pyjama pants too! Her 5k time is 32 mins.

My oldest sister came not long after... shuffling with a totally red face! She came in at 39mins for her first ever 5k... or any k at all! I love!

The goodie bag! So nice... I love the sports drink and the candies were awesome! hihi.

Gloomy City

2010-09-23T09:07:00.000-07:00

I did not go for a run at all, even though I packed my running shoes (or to be more accurate, fingers). But I did see a lot of runners around me that I thought somebody was trying to set me up or something. After the countless of runner passed me by, I stopped caring. I forgot about the fact that I too, used to run. I never thought that letting go is an easy business.

I found one awesome pair of shoes that I am considering to use as my main running shoe. I have been running with my five fingers for so long that normal, thick running shoes don't even do it for me anymore, but at the same time, the fivefingers give me bad blisters after 10k. this pair looks like a lightweight trainer than a running shoe, which closely resembles the feel of fivefingers. but im broke.

we will see won't we.

Beautiful Rush

2010-09-15T23:58:00.000-07:00

Did a very very short stint of cardio today. There is no time for me to fit in most everything, but I take what I can get.

Woke up early, got dressed, and got going. The roads were amazingly clear, with only a smattering of cars here and there, and the sun was just about up. It was the kind of morning you would envision if the town is attacked by zombies. I love the combination of public holidays and lazy Malaysians. Malaysia rules!!!

The rush of trying out a new route. I was smiling.

Too short, I arrived at boyfriend's house. Wasn't even pounding. wasn't even sweaty. Still it was worth it, that physical body movement. being at one again with the roads. Feeling the sun on my skin.

I get a little too poetic and dramatic sometimes, but really, there is an absolute beauty in speed and adrenaline.

Off to London for 10 days. Damnit. I'll miss my sun and humidity.

Starting Again

2010-09-14T05:21:00.000-07:00

Back to work this week. And to be honest I actually love it. I kind of miss the smell of documents piled up on the table, reading emails of one issue after another, looking at layout diagrams.

After my raya run, I was hungry for another cardio. Not to mention the fact that both my favorite athlete+blogger+superfemale have started their own routine exercise again, one back from confinement (but being American her confinement period's just 4 weeks!) and another back from a well deserved break after her third ultra.

Being on different timezones they update their workouts just when I am strapped to my table at work.

I'm thinking of I don't know, maybe bringing my jump rope at work and jump my jitters away.

Today, I was resolute. About working out. Yesterday was such a disappointment. No car, therefore stuck. Nighttime run hampered by a must-visit to my aunt's house.

Today I did cardio type C. And I think I'm at a better shape than I was before Ramadhan. At worst, the same level. I am ecstatic. I am proud. I am overjoyed.

But different cardio sports have different demands. You think your fitness is awesome because you're a runner, but then you can't last in a rubber set of badminton (believe me I've tried. It's like running 10k with lunges, squats, and jumping jacks thrown in between). I bet I can't return to my sports of choice with this level of fitness. I bet I'd be huffing and puffing.

Looking towards the day. But for now, I'm glad I got the groove back. The burn in my heart, the determination to finish. Something within me stirred.

Raya Run

2010-09-10T19:21:00.000-07:00

Layan lari pagi2 dengan ayah.

The sadness is still there. Doesn't really help when a friend of mine just buried her 17 year old nephew who succumbed to cancer as well, yesterday. So many young deaths. I have no idea how a parent feels burying their own child.

But life goes on right?

The night before, I had the urge to do something. A run is the easiest answer. No fuss, no frills. I told dad I wanted to go for a run, and he said, "Why not do it Monday. Too soon." But come this morning he knocked on my door saying he's going to put on his pants and join my run.

I had no idea what I wanted to do when I headed out. Didn't know if it was going to be a long run, or a short speedy one, or a lazy, as-long-as-I'm-moving-my-body kind of run. I had no idea what my legs were up to. But straight away my dad set the pace. I'm a slow runner in a way that my dad's normal pace is MY tempo pace. He runs a 9 minute mile. For me that's fast. Fast for a running distance of 6-10k.

So we set out at that pace. Straight away I realized Dad's fitness is out of the window. Unlike me, he has not been running for nearly 2 months. He was breathing a hard ragged breath only about 5 minutes in. When we reached the only winding part of the route I hesitated about charging on and leaving him behind but I did anyway. It felt good to feel pain. I realized that I need to buck up FAST in order to keep up with my training buddies. It's hard to catch up to their cardio abilities now. I am up for the challenge though.

Eventhough I'm concentrating on another discipline, running will always be the best training tool for me. It provides a solid, strong cardio fitness base that enables me to move to a medium level of any sports I decide to pursue. The only drawback at first was I was a long distance runner, therefor my running mostly consist of steady even running. It massively help in the endurance but did nothing in terms of stamina. Now, I keep my running short, 10k at most (when I feel I want to) but pushed it on the speed and intensity. The harder it hurts the better it is for me.

I do have a half marathon coming up and I'm going to enjoy running it even without a training plan. My goal is to just make it through the 21k without having my mental strength collapsing on me! My mind does not even have the stomach for long runs these days. Sighss.Even 5k is long... god.

On the other hand, enjoyed watching the 1997 Summer Olympic Women Volleyball rerun. Gabby Reece is the most awesome athlete to grace my eyes. I love her determination. I have always wanted her to hook up with my other favorite role model, Lance Armstrong. Now that dude is relentless...

Eid

2010-09-08T09:49:00.000-07:00

I would like to wish everyone who reads this blog a very happy Eid. May your Raya is filled with just enough combination of fun and frustration, drama and relaxation. Also, good food. It won't be Raya at all without all the above.

My dear cousin succumbed to leukemia yesterday. Our raya will be a pretty somber affair, to which we have sort of anticipated. How do you say goodbye to one of your best friends? I would never know. 23 years is too short, too short. He never got the chance to hang out at my new place. I'm glad for one thing - that crazy whitewater rafting we did in Bali and surfing during the evening.

All of us are in pieces at the moment.

Till the next entry, long live cardio and food :)

Only Happy When It Rains

2010-09-06T02:39:00.000-07:00

It always rains when I want to run.

Or rather... I always want to run when it rains. HAHA.

I read an article about the differences between outdoor cats and indoor cats. One of the most prominent, the article said, is the lack of interest in chasing strings or shadows for outdoor cats. You put a string - or anything moving - in front of an indoor cat and he'll go berserk trying to grab it between his paws. This can go for hours. but you put the string in front of an outdoor cat and the most he'll give you is only a few minutes' worth of forced enthusiasm.

It's true. My cat, Cik Mek Molek, loses the interest in the string/penyapu lidi/shadows/marbles/ or any moving things you throw at her after just half a minute. She is the quintessential outdoor cat, an an esteemed hunter. There is nothing - short of a dog or anything bigger than her size - that she has not hunted or killed. Nor any tree limbs that she has not climbed and peed on.

If she was a true blue Outdoor Cat, then I am a true blue Outdoor Athlete. I guess what a string is to my cat is what a treadmill is to me. I have been dormant for so long that I thought of hitting the gym tonight and run on the treadmill, or heck, get on the stationary bike and cycle. But I. Could. Not.

Whenever I tried the gym thing, I always ended up running for 2k that feels like a marathon. I hopped on the bicycle and hoped it would give me better luck, but only ended up cycling for 15 minutes before I slipped off the bike from sleeping. I am always mystified: how can I run/cycle for hours outdoors but 15 minutes indoors is such torture?

I thought of my cat giving me a withering stare whenever I force her to play with the white yarn: I know how you feel now.

To my cat, that white, flimsy yarn does not even come close to the feel of a warm, flurry helpless bird trapped between her paws. All the drama and preparation of an outdoor hunt was lost when presented in the form of a string; the time she spent patiently stalking, the sweet tremors before a chase, the slow, slow stealth towards the poor bird victim. It is the same thing I feel in an indoor gym - trapped in a cold room breathing the stench of others and feeling nothing but metal underneath.

All this writing does not change the fact that it still rains outside.

Jaded City People

2010-09-05T01:37:00.000-07:00

Last week, there was a wonderful boy in the train. He was friendly, proper, polite and interesting. He started conversations with strangers next to him, who reacted as if he’s either a) crazy, b) horny, or c) trying to steal. I made the mistake of staring at him too hard, which he took as a reprimand. He stopped talking afterwards, when all I was doing was trying to figure out which part of him came out so right when the rest of us have turned into one of those jaded city people. I actually missed him even until today. He asked the auntie next to him, “Did your son’s team win?” when she told him she was on the way back from her son’s football match. Everybody didn’t know what to do with this boy with headphones asking questions. We all were thinking, “What’s his motive?”

We don’t really need a motive to be friendly. I was jealous he was a human being in the train, not some dead logs.

[The only cardio I do these days is rushing to grab the nearest empty table for Iftar outing. That and maybe some thumb flexing on the remote between commercial breaks. WHY AM I ENJOYING THIS?]

Blast!

2010-09-01T08:01:00.000-07:00

Because I was really deprived of a good cardio, last night I joined my friends for one great session. Or sesh, as they called it, but we're not here to learn more lingo aren't we?

I have not been doing anything SUPER HARD for exactly 31 days. The last remotely hard workout I did was about 14 days ago and even then I could hold it on my own. I knew my fitness level is definitely not the same like it was a month back but I did some running... ('some' equaling to only like, 3 measly 5.5ks?) I thought well, running is THE hardest cardio you're going to get, it ain't a sprint workout but at least I'm moving my body, even only 3 times over a period of 31 days. So, you know, I'm still FIT.

RIGHT.

1) Made the mistake of stuffing my face with one Potato Jacket with Chicken and Cheese (my planned pre-hardcore workout dinner). And a plate of spaghetti aglio olio (unplanned.) Well can you blame me? The thing's right in front of my face, and I need... to CARBOLOAD. Doesn't matter if it's 15 minutes BEFORE exercise.

2) The team's effing fit. I'm talking about Chuck Norris, Steven Seagal, Van Damme, and Bruce Lee kind of fit. They are not the sort of mean cardio robots to mingle with if you're making a comeback after a long hibernation. These guys are just plain tough. Meanwhile I just lack protein and muscle *cries*

The moment we started I tried my hardest to keep up. Almost immediately I started to feel my dinner at the base of my throat. 20 minutes into it, I started to feel the heavy dread of thinking I have bitten off more than I could chew. I have another long 60 minutes more. My chest felt tight and my heartbeat was erratic and fast. To my amazement, I realized that I know this feeling, like a fond distant memory: this is the feeling of being unfit and starting up. This is the feeling being a cardio n00b. I was working so hard that my base of my neck ACHED from the pulse pounding on my right side. I couldn't even hold a conversation. I think I was working at RPE 23 that night... which doesn't exist which means out of the track HARD.

It feels good to be smashed. And to know exactly where I stand, fitness wise. I used to be one of them... maybe not completely in but at least I'm not panting 20 minutes after we've ended things! So now I'm taking a good 3 weeks of rest before I start again, maybe slowly, BUT surely, until I get to the same, if not above the level that I was.

Isn't that a sweet sweet challenge to have. Until then, it's back to warm cozy nights of family, books, ramadhan reflections, and friends.

I need to gain MUSCLES! Urgh.

Dream

2010-08-30T22:08:00.000-07:00

I dreamt about running just this morning. And it feels amazing. Dreamt that I put my shoes on, and went for a run around my neighborhood, and I picked up my pace faster, and the roads just became a blur, and I remember somewhere there's a red car. I could only see the view of my feet against the road though, but the red car was at the corner of my eyes. Is it calling me already? I do run better during Ramadhan, for unknown reasons. Maybe I sort of relate running to suffering, with all the dehydration and heat.

I miss working out. But I do enjoy all the time out.

Off Season

2010-08-28T03:06:00.000-07:00

I can't bring myself to do anything. The best thing is to just allow it to happen.

Been trying to force myself into some sort of a routine - 4/week of cardio - but for some reason it's not working. Unlike last year's Ramadhan, this year I was fully happy to cooperate with my bed and books back home and cuddle. It's not the food or lifestyle, in fact this year I've only spent 3 nights breaking fast with my friends with the rest of the days by myself at home. I would like to think that it's because of my job. It takes a lot out of me in a good way that there's nothing I want to do back home but to lie down and chill out.

I remember when we were kids and during school holidays would go to my cousin's house deep in the Felda settlement. At nights we played Scrabble and all sorts of board games and I remember asking my dad to play as well and he refused, saying that he doesn't want to 'think' at all when he's on vacation. I didn't understand it then but now I know what he means. Even coughing out words for Scrabble is hard work when you're loaded in the office. Especially when we share the same profession. I'm so happy to be a brainless loner during Ramadhan.

I do, though, get pangs of missing the workouts. Like driving through familiar routes and seeing the hills, I get a rush of something I couldn't quite describe, and I knew I totally miss the feel of lactic acid in my thighs and the near explosion of my heart. But I know this rest is for the best, a lot of athletes do this and I know I would come back recharged and energized. I could only push myself to do odd runs during the weekday and it depends on how good I feel on that day. I can't complain too much because as much as I miss feeling the early morning wind on my face I do enjoy the lush moments of waking up super late and sleeping till I don't know when. Although I try not to be affected when I pick my boyfriend up after his 4/week training and games...

Hope you guys enjoy your workouts and all the best!

Super HOT

2010-08-24T07:01:00.000-07:00

Ran under the hot sun.

Distance: 5.44km
Time: 35:10

The weather was super hot today, as always, the kind of weather I love. I was parched 10 minutes into running. Because I was in the mood, I did something different than the normal run I usually do for this route.

In high school for cross country training we did this routine where we ran 2x any distance of loop. Instead of doing the first loop as a warm up and the second loop harder, we did it in reverse. We called it the Reverse Bullshit. The idea is that after hitting the first round hard, we are training ourselves to continue pushing on when we thought we couldn't. And sure enough, we always did.

For the first loop, I ran faster than normal. The sun glared my eyes at some parts and I felt like an overheated engine. It was nice to cover the same distance in a faster speed, and by the time I started my second loop my legs were dying for a break. I took my own sweet time running this second lap. Didn't want to push it at all since I practically have to wait for one more hour before Iftar.

I ran wearing my favorite running tshirt. I got it in when I was 18 and usually wear it when I go out for a run. It's heavy cotton and sticks to your skin, but you all know I love sweaty soggy cotton than dri-fit fabric anytime. It has an illustration of lady running and it says Lady Cougar Track and Field. So cool! I always feel like a true professional runner when I run wearing this tshirt.

Off to Singapore until the end of the week. Sighs. Thank God I LOVE my work.

Old School

2010-08-21T10:11:00.000-07:00

The best thing about a group workout? Like minded buddies.

I'm always a loner when it comes to doing my endurance stuff. I think I prefer the solitude and company of myself too much to share it with some other exercising buddies. And when it comes to group workouts - I stick by this motto: the less the better. Better conversation and concentration and more intense camaraderie. That being said, I'm not some hermit who despise large groups of people!

Had an awesome workout with an old friend of mine. We used to do our own Sunday cardio religiously until life and work took over. She was, essentially, my sifu. Introduced me to a lot of tricks and insights, and a powerhorse. Last night, what was supposed to be an 'easy' cardio turned out to be super HARD. It was a group of five and everyone is no newbie. I was thinking either a) they were just too fit or b) I am terribly unfit. I decided that the answer is both. I was breathing hard, so hard I thought my heart's going to jump out from my mouth. I felt like fainting. I thought I could hold it against them, but I ended up being last. The one left behind. But it was a good feeling because it means I have all the time in the world to get better!

I love being the last or the slowest or the most unfit due to hibernation. Most athletes hate this part, but I love the challenge of getting your stamina back to where it once was. I believe that if you've done it before, you will get there again. And sometimes you end up being way better. Plus, I like being able to push myself to the absolute limit and not overtake anyone without feeling like a showoff. The only person I love to gloat to is myself... and perhaps my dad.

I need to gain some bulk. Everybody's commenting how skinny I am and I feel like I'm too scrawny. I need to gain some mass and look, bigger. Urgh. My weight's totally healthy and normal (57 kg) but I look like an anorexic (a comment from a doctor!). I want to look like Gabrielle Reece. Growing up she was my role model. But instead I look like an out of job junkie... the real kind.

3rd Ramadhan Run

2010-08-18T05:27:00.000-07:00

A nice, normal run.

Distance: 5.44km
Time: 35 mins

I've been looking forward for my after work run. Haven't felt like this in a loong while. The need to jump out of the car NOW and start running. The urge to feel the sun on your face and the back of your neck. The breathless, pounding heartbeat.

It was hot and sunny when I stepped out. My favorite weather. Humidity was high, I sweated as soon and I started running. This was a great run, great in a sense where I didn't really think about anthing specific, but I thought about a lot of things. My strides were nice and constant, my knees quiet, Alhamdulillah. I saw 2 cats - one orange/white and another a mixture of colors. So cute. And they are obviously fit cats, unlike my own cat at home.

I thank God that running comes so easy to me like a bad habit you can't resist. Since my favorite sport is now 'off-season' I have to do something to maintain my fitness and running, my old flame, is one of the best cardio exercises ever. The best, I think, surpassing even my passion right now.

Ramadhan is a great month already.

Ramadhan Cardio

2010-08-16T22:27:00.000-07:00

08/12: Karate 2hrs (great suicides that left me wanting to die... no pun intended)
08/13: Planned to do soemthing... but had to work late.
08/14: Crazy withdrawal had me running a 6k at 4pm. BAD choice. What's wrong with me?

Then I got work work work work until I'm too tired to do anything after work but sleep and eat. I'm hoping today would be different.

Updates:

1) My knees for these past 4 weeks have not been making a sound. I'm more bewildered and perplexed than anything else. What could make it... better? I've been running a lot more than I dared to, doing a fun 5-6ks in between. I've been running fast, running speedy, slow, uphills... except downhills, I only shuffle downhill. Maybe that's why.
a) But I can't run in shoes. Tried it, did not like it and somehow I could 'feel' the pain in my knees... don't know if it's just mental, but the moment I went with my fingers it was ok!
b) I changed my postures a lot, more aware of where my weight land on my feet. I realized that when I fully distribute my weight on the middle of my feet, my running does not hurt and is a tad faster (which leaves me out of breath faster too... damn)
c) I take a LONG time stretching after my run. I stretch anywhere I feel like it even while not running.
d) I warm up to the point of being sweaty before running. I could walk for a full 2k before starting my run if I have to.
e) I've stopped taking supplements and anti inflammatory. but I do increase my milk intake...
f) Yoga + cupping + reflexlogy + massages + ACCUPUNTURE. I think this is the best part of being an 'athlete'. the self sponsored one sucks though.

Playing sports have made me so aware of my body parts. I practically know more muscle/bone/joint names than I did when I was taking university biology! The best thing is when I helped my boyfriend for his thesis and I know what he's talking about, sometimes I even read his books for fun. Damn, why didn't I take sports science?

cardio lovers

2010-08-12T05:03:00.000-07:00

I've been reading these 3 blogs obsessively for the past months, one of of them is married to another athlete and just gave birth to a baby. Her resentment and jealousy over her husband's availability to work out while she's stuck with a baby at her breast is both endearing and scary. Somehow, the situation makes me think of my boyfriend and I and how similar some of her blog posts are to us. Needless to say, we're not married and I definitely do not have a baby, but still.

Both of us play sports on a daily basis. My boyfriend does sport professionally and competitively and is a certified athlete whereas I only moonlight as one. Our perfect day is to wake up early in the morning, hike or cycle up the Shah Alam hills, eat a huge breakfast, and do another round of cardio in the evening, mostly some kickboxing or swimming. We are almost always in our flip flops and t-shirts, our hair wet from post-workout showers. Both of us have this deep tan from too many times of sun exposure. The last time we went for a typical 'Gen-Y' type of date: movie, mall, meal was eons ago. The last movie we went to was Alien Vs Monsters and it was free. Our workouts consumed us. Once, while running, we had an argument and in the midst of it my boyfriend even stopped to tell me to 'keep my breathing even.'

Between the both of us, I'm the more obsessive one when it comes to sports. I was not discovered to play sports; I discovered it. I have no one pushing me to train at a specific time, to give me a hard time when I miss a workout. The dedication to train and keep to a rigid schedule was mine all mine. Nobody is paying me money to work up a sweat day by day. I got no incentives, yet I still wake up most mornings to fit in at least an hour of something hard. My boyfriend on his off season, would definitely be happy to be a slug. On a couch with the TV remote in his hand.

Right now it's the Ramadhan month. My work now has totally taken over my life that I'm either too drained or too stiff to be starting any cardio. I travel about 2 times a week. The airport has become my good friend and I am collecting boarding passes like they're meal coupons. My boyfriend has eased off on his swimming out of loyalty to me (we do the 2 hour sessions together and he's NOT going to get to do pyramids when I don't!) but he still has his scheduled friendly matches 3 times a week. I'm exhausted most of the time from work and he bounds off from the after effect of a good track workout. It's not fair.

I do have a plan all lined up. I plan to run after work before Iftar just like last year, a simple 5k 2-3 times a week. At night, if my energy permits, I would spend some quality time with my karate since it'll be a good time to sharpen up some flexibility and strength. And I think that will be enough.

I feel like going out for a run RIGHT NOW.

Awesome Saturday Run

2010-08-09T05:29:00.000-07:00

Went to the lake after nearly a year abandoning it. Wanted to see how I would do after putting up a solid base of endurance from a multitude of sports compared to last year, when all I did was just run. True enough, the so called hilly part of that lake is now reduced to just a mere flat with 2 inches of heels, now that I know the true meaning of inclines and hills. Ran 2 loops with shoes on, just to see if my feet missed wearing it. No luck. I felt shitty wearing it and chucked it off, replaced it with my fivefinger I stored conveniently in the car. Just like that, I felt my blood surging. Got competitive and started hunting. There was a guy in orange who was a novice runner but speedy, and I started chasing him down, taking my time, slowly pacing, until we reached the fart of a hill, and I ran my way up so fast, giggling inside like a banshee. And then I told myself, what the heck, since you hardly run anyway, why not make this the hardest tempo run in your life. Make it hard, make it uncomfortable make it the worst run in your life. So I ran harder, ran faster, heart in my mouth, ready to come out in puke if I allowed it. I picked up my legs fast, hard, ran as if I was Flo-jo, feeling strong, feeling like crap, feeling the wind in my ears and the heart burning burning burning...

What a nice goddamn 8k.

oh no

2010-08-06T08:27:00.000-07:00

I might have smething up tomorrow but I'm unprepared mentally, logistically, financially, and physically. But isn't that how I also do things?

I ate fabulously today.

Breakfast:
- poached egg with spinach on soft roll (SEDAP GEL)
- 2 chicken sausages
- scrambled eggs
- half grilled tomato (sedap jugak)
- one bowl cereal consist of :coco crunch for flavour, special K and bran
- bihun goreng
- fruits.

TASTY. I love hotel food.

Lion city

2010-08-05T04:08:00.000-07:00

Somehow I was slow to realize the changes.

I am in Singapore right now, for work. I've been here for a few days, totally wiping out my chances of having my usual cardio. Instead I hang out in the hotel gym and pool, trying to make sense into running in one place facing yourself in the mirror and breathing in cold air. I could never see the romance in that, nor have I ever tried to. But at least I sweat some, and and least I get to go to bed satisfied. I once read a book about a guy who runs everyday, and because of that, he HAS to fit in some running daily. Even in the ungodly hour of 1 a.m in the morning, after a very all out drunken barbeque thrown by a hot new girl in town (the novel was a murder-mystery, which the dedicated runner ran into the corpse of the said girl...whatever). Anyway, like that guy, I have become someone who has to fit in something active. I packed my sports stuff first before anything else (which is the reason WHY I forgot to bring my blazer but not my running pants... figures).

My work has consumed almost 80% of my life. 5 months ago, this kind of statement would have made me balk and gag. I hate people who are married to their careers. To me, work is nothing but one slice from the pie we call life. I would never want to climb the corporate ladder, and be like my ex-boss, who was to busy to pick up her little girl's phonecall in a meeting and then her daughter died one the same day (hit by a car on the way back from school). What could she be thinking on the drive back from the hospital, after identifying her daughter? I told myself that I would never let work get in the way of my family.

But lately, I'm struggling with time management. I'm totally happy with my work. I love it so much that even after tough Sundays doing endurance sports that break you physically and mentally I still drag myself to work and lost track of time (and lunch!) doing the papers. The only thing I'm sacrificing right now are after work workouts. I get so tired that I want nothing more than to be on my bed reading a good book or hang out with my sister and friends. Forget karate on weekdays, or rollerblading Tuesdays and Mondays. I'm too lazy to even cheer on my boyfriend for his football games.

Ramadhan is coming near. I love Ramadhan. It reminds me of the time when I went running after work, and to be honest I PB in almost all the runs I did during the fasting month than any other days. I still plan to run and do sports in ramadhan just like normal, because it's just a tiny thing when you think about it. I might cut down the night workouts though.

I don't call myself a runner now when I address myself to other weekend warriors. My passion has changed to something else equally satisfying and testing, and I am having one fireball of fun with it. But the amazing thing is that running still comes easily to me like an old flame. There will be days where I'll pick up pace and think to myself, "Wow, this feels so awesome. I actually miss this... or it misses ME." I guess running is like my ex-lover. There's always something about your first love, they say.